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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/998179
Rated: E · Campfire Creative · Short Story · Comedy · #998179
A story of Life, God, and our purpose. Mixed with a drop of randomness.
[Introduction] Bruce, Matt, Milone, and Chris sat around the campfire. Satan had been defeated by falling on his falling glass, but the question of life was still unknown.
They waited for another appearence of Satan, but none came. They decided Satan had finally given up after 4 embarrassing defeats.
The only living relative (and friend) of Satan was his sister, who lived in a gingerbread house deep in some random woods. She was a pretty, innocent, sweet-looking girl, but really ate children and collected knives. Also the only owner of the NIV Satanist Bible.
The four boys were enjoying warm, toasty fire. Everyone was happy, they were in heaven after all. Suddenly, a boy came out of some bushes, he looked taiwanise, with a bad haircut.
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"Guys, I have awful news!!!!" said the mysterious boy. "Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?" said Bruce. "No, you've never seen me before. Anyways, I-" "Wait a minute," said Matt, "Don't we know you? Have we played in a band together or fought a war toghether or had a tea party together or something?" "Nope, I've never seen any of you bfore in my life. Anyways-" "Hey, ya," said Chris, "I think I've seen you somewhere to. Were you in a heavy-metal band?" "No. Anyways, it would appear that Heaven will be hit by a giant atomic/nuclear/chemical/biological/magical/fire/water bomb in less than 30 seconds and coincidentally all atomic/nuclear/chemical/biological/magical/fire/water protective devices have passed their warranty and have just spontaneously combusted. However, I have some good news.”
“That’s terrible," said Chris, "I knew I shouldn’t have bought them on Ebay." Everyone else agreed, and were grief-stricken. "Wait," said Bruce, "What’s the good news?”
“I just saved hundreds on my car insurance by switching to Geico.”
“ARGHHH!!!!!!!!”
Matt thought fast, and then said "I have a very ingeniously detailed and very complex multi-tasked plan that will involve us finding a strangled duck, an flying pig, and some kid named Kyle's life. I know! We could embark on a long tenous quest-" "Just shut up!!!!" said Milone. "What should we do?" they all cried.
They cried and cried then stopped aprubtly to toast some marshmellows

Bruce thought for a second. He could think of nothing except for the Spongebob episode he saw yesterday.
Suddenly an idea hit him!
"I got it! Let's...push heaven one inch...to the left", Bruce exclaimed.
Matt scoffed, "That is soo stupid, who would do that", he paused,"we should push heaven .9999 inches to the right."
Everyone nodded in agreement. Chris still perferred Matt's idea with the duck.
"Wait, chemical bombs can follow it's target" Milone said.
"Oh man," Chris frowned,"We're going to be blown to Alaska!"
"What do we do?" Milone shouted in dispair.
"Acquire a taste for whale blubber?" said the kid.
Seconds later, the 5 little campers heard a catastrophic explosion! The sky seemed to be brighter than a thousand suns. Even with their eyes covered, the boys were blinded senseless. The nosie was deafening, people were screaming but no one heard. A few moments later, a giant...
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tree (wtf?!?!?!) fell down right outside God's window. God, sitting on the couch watching the Red Sox game, felt his spidey…er, I mean…god senses tingling. Someone was in Trouble! He quickly jumped on top of his desk and said in a lound and triumpant voice, "This looks like a job for...someone else". so God assigned Bruce, the weird new kid, and everyone else. to Find out who did it and invariably find out the Meaning of Life!

As Bruce and his friends were skipping gaily down the yellow brick road, uh..I mean preparing themselves for their greatest adventure yet, Bruce turned to the new kid and said, "Who are you anyways?" "I'm the LONE RAANNGER!!!!!! HI-Ho SILVER, AWAY!!!!!, uh, I mean... I'm Gabriel! God's Holy Messenger!" said 'Gabriel'. "RIIGGGHHHHTTTTT," said Milone, "and I'm a drummer who's into punk rock groups like Green Day." "Uh, Milone," said Chris, "You are a drummer who's into punk rock groups like Green Day." "Oh, yah, right."

"Will they ever get anything done?
Will they ever find out the new guy's name?
Will they ever come up with new jokes?
Tune in next time to find out!"




"Whoa, who said that?"
"Shhhh, we're supposed to stop for now."
"Why?"
"The author has run out of ideas."
"What?"
"Uh, I mean, uh, (pulls out this pen-shaped object and sunglasses and puts the sunglasses on. Then he clicks a button and bright blue light flashes from the pen) You will forget the last things you heard."
"Duhhhhhhh........"
"See ya next time."
"Duuuhhhhhhhh........"
As the Matt flashed the pen, the audience forgot what happened. Suddenly a ghostly presence flew into Matt...Without warning, Matt began flashing the pen wildly and uncontrollably.

Unfortunaly, the flash hit everyone and they all forgot what they were supposed to do.
"I remember we had to do something cosmically important," said Bruce.
"Well, I forgot", Milone said, "no point worrying now, let's dance!"
They began to randomly dance.
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After realizing that the tree that fell had knocked off his satelite dish and thus he couldn't watch the red sox game, God descided to check on the progress of his 5 expendable, I mean useless, I mean weird, I mean cloes friends.
So, he walked over to them and was shocked to see them dancing the macarina and the eletric slide in the middle of a gruesome, gory, apocoleptic war between demons and angels.
"What's going on here?" said God, "Oh no, I new I shouldn't have given that pen to Matt!!! Good thing I bought the antidote. It should be right here in my pocket." So,god checked his millions of pockets, saying, "no, no, no, how'd I get a purple cow in there?, no, no, no, hey-a bag of peanuts! Cool!, munch, no, no, no, Oh, so that's where I left my tv remote, no, no, no. Oh no, I must of left it in my other suit!" At that exact moent, a champion sumo wrestler appeared out of nowhere and landed on God's house, demolishing it in one blow. "Oh no, now I have to bunk with my Son in his dorm. Oh the horror of it all!!!"

Will god find the antidote?
Will God adapt to living in a college dorm?
Will the 5 guys ever learn a cool dance step?
Tune in to the next addition to find out!!!


"Hey, who just said tha-"
"Not another word"
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For some reason, Matt checked his pocket to find a strange, yet shiny, remote! "Super sweet," said Matt! It seemed that one of God's pockets possesed a zipper (which had the remote in it) that was actually a porthole to Matt's pocket which he stole the remote, in order to watch the Red Soxs Game! (RED SOXS ARE TEH ROXORS!)
He decided that it was best for him to press all the shiny buttons and wait for the grand fairy elf queen to come and give him a highly dangerous machine gun that shot grenades... for some reason unknown to Matt.
So he did.
Suddenly God's T.V. started to work... very strangely. The Red Sox game turned on,... till Matt pressed all the other buttons. By then, his T.V. went insane! And at the end of it... a fairytopia commercial appeared on the screan!
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Then it all went wrong...

God'S T.V. split in two! In the center of it was a strange hole. And the hole made a strange sound... "PLOT!"
Since everything was going wrong, it was time for one last problem. The noise was so loud, that you could see it! And everyone knows what happends when the word "plot" goes in front of a hole!
An angel gets his wings?
No!
Michal Jackson goes to prison?
Not yet. It spells "Plot-hole!" And "not hell" was flung into it!
Luckily enough, the boys got their memory back... because I said so! So they pulled the large handle that said break.

They stoped in front of a boy, with a shiny sword, that kind of looked like a young peter parker, without the glasses.

"Hey, don't I know yo..," started Bruce
"No! We already did that joke!" Added Milone
"Hey, I diddn't even get a line yet in the past hour guys!" said Chris
"Guys, we need to get this story go'in! Anyways, My name is..."
A purple cow flys by eatig macaroni and cheese even though he is lactose 'n' tolerent.
"... but my friends (meaning you guys, who don't like me enough to include him in your stories) call me Slayer!
"Then no one calls you Slayer." Said Milone
"Shut up!" said Slayer "Anyways I have some bad news, and good news! And it is not about my car insurance!"
"Oh boy, not again!" Said Matt
Bruce screamed at the top his lungs for everyone to shut up.
There was instant silence.
"Now...I've been thinking guys..." he said,"why are we fighting?"
Everyone stared.
"Why do we exist?"
Chris spoke,"Yeah, Bruce is right, what is the purpose of our life?"
Suddenly, Chris proposed a crazy, insane idea.
"I know! Let's go on a quest to find The Meaning of Life!"

And so the boys, with the mysterious Slayer kid, set out to find the meaning of life.
During their many days of traveling through the infinite realms of heaven, they passed a few "meaning of life" stores, bright buildings with "meaning of life here!" in big neon letters. Even a wise old man with a white beard told them the meaning of life. However, the adventurers were too busy discussing how the mission was impossible, to listen.

Meanwhile, God was getting used to his college roommates. Jesus was studying frantically for his midterms and the Holy Spirit hovered above a bowl of nachos. College life was not easy, especially in heaven. Not only do you have to maintain grades, a job, and sometimes a child. You also had to be in the same college as Jesus. Some people found this troubling for some reason, they feared of doing anything wrong, lest Jesus would supposedly zap them to death. And so Jesus did not have many friends. This led to his inevitable dropout and returned to ruling the Earth. Jesus despised colleges so much, after his experience, he decided to randomly blow up Harvard. This led to the demise of future intelligent people in America, and they no longer could produce cheese. Since people no longer produced cheese, they had more time to invent better dance moves. And that is how the Camp Wightman Wake-up dance was born.

Anyway, the boys kept arguing about the boys when suddenly, Satan poofed out of thin air and stepped in front of them...and tripped...and fell...
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into a puddle of water, where it turned out that he was really just a mirage. "Whoa! Deja tu!" said Matt. "No, deja vu!" said Bruce. "That's what I said. Anyways, (next part scripted because writer got bored of writing the word 'said'.)
Matt: Alright, now whaddya want?
Bruce: Now look Matt, I gotta know the baseball players' names.
Do you know the guys' names?
Matt: Oh sure.
Bruce: So you go ahead and tell me some of their names.
Matt: Well, I'll introduce you to the boys. You know sometimes nowadays they give ballplayers peculiar names.
Bruce: You mean funny names.
Matt: Nicknames, pet names, like Dizzy Dean -
Bruce: His brother Daffy -
Matt: Daffy Dean -
Bruce: And their cousin!
Matt: Who's that?
Bruce: Goofy!
Matt: Goofy, huh? Now let's see. We have on the bags - we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Bruce: That's what I wanna find out.
Matt: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third -
Bruce: You know the fellows' names?
Matt: Certainly!
Bruce: Well then who's on first?
Matt: Yes!
Bruce: I mean the fellow's name!
Matt: Who!
Bruce: The guy on first!
Matt: Who!
Bruce: The first baseman!
Matt: Who!
Bruce: The guy playing first!
Matt: Who is on first!
Bruce: Now whaddya askin' me for?
Matt: I'm telling you Who is on first.
Bruce: Well, I'm asking YOU who's on first!
Matt: That's the man's name.
Bruce: That's who's name?
Matt: Yes.
Bruce: Well go ahead and tell me.
Matt: Who.
Bruce: The guy on first.
Matt: Who!
Bruce: The first baseman.
Matt: Who is on first!
Bruce: Have you got a contract with the first baseman?
Matt: Absolutely.
Bruce: Who signs the contract?
Matt: Well, naturally!
Bruce: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Matt: Every dollar. Why not? The man's entitled to it.
Bruce: Who is?
Matt: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Bruce: Who's wife?
Matt: Yes.
Bruce: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Matt: Oh, no - wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is on second base.
Bruce: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Matt: Who is on first.
Bruce: I don't know.
Matt: He's on third - now we're not talkin' 'bout him.
Bruce: Now, how did I get on third base?
Matt: You mentioned his name!
Bruce: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Matt: No - Who's playing first.
Bruce: Never mind first - I wanna know what's the guy's name on third.
Matt: No - What's on second.
Bruce: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Matt: Who's on first.
Bruce: I don't know.
Matt: He's on third.
Bruce: Aaah! Would you please stay on third base and don't go off it?
Matt: What was it you wanted?
Bruce: Now who's playin' third base?
Matt: Now why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Bruce: Why? Who am I putting over there?
Matt: Yes. But we don't want him there.
Bruce: What's the guy's name on third base?
Matt: What belongs on second.
Bruce: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Matt: Who's on first.
Bruce: I don't know.
Matt & Bruce: THIRD BASE!
Bruce: You got an outfield?
Matt: Oh yes!
Bruce: The left fielder's name?
Matt: Why.
Bruce: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you.
Matt: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
Bruce: Alright, then tell me who's playin' left field.
Matt: Who is playing fir-
Bruce: STAY OUTTA THE INFIELD! I wanna know what's the left fielder's name.
Matt: What's on second.
Bruce: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Matt: Who's on first.
Bruce: I don't know.
Matt & Bruce: THIRD BASE!
Bruce: The left fielder's name?
Matt: Why.
Bruce: Because!
Matt: Oh, he's center field.
Bruce: Look, you gotta pitcher on this team?
Matt: Now wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.
Bruce: The pitcher's name.
Matt: Tomorrow.
Bruce: You don't wanna tell me today?
Matt: I'm tellin' you now.
Bruce: Then go ahead.
Matt: Tomorrow.
Bruce: What time?
Matt: What time what?
Bruce: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's pitching?
Matt: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Who is on fir-
Bruce: I'll break your arm if you say Who's on first. I wanna know what's the pitcher's name.
Matt: What's on second.
Bruce: I don't know.
Matt & Bruce: THIRD BASE!
Bruce: You got a catcher?
Matt: Oh, absolutely.
Bruce: The catcher's name.
Matt: Today.
Bruce: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.
Matt: Now you've got it.
Bruce: All we've got is a couple of days on the team.
Matt: Well, I can't help that.
Bruce: Well, I'm a catcher too.
Matt: I know that.
Bruce: Now suppose that I'm catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and their heavy hitter gets up.
Matt: Yes.
Bruce: Tomorrow throws the ball. The batter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I wanna throw the guy
out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Matt: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Bruce: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!
Matt: Well, that's all you have to do.
Bruce: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Matt: Yes.
Bruce: Now who's got it?
Matt: Naturally!
Bruce: If I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta catch it. Now who caught it?
Matt: Naturally!
Bruce: Who caught it?
Matt: Naturally.
Bruce: Who?
Matt: Naturally!
Bruce: Naturally.
Matt: Yes.
Bruce: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Matt: NO, NO, NO! You throw the ball to first base and Who gets it?
Bruce: Naturally.
Matt: That's right. There we go.
Bruce: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Matt: You don't!
Bruce: I throw it to who?
Matt: Naturally.
Bruce: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
Matt: You're not saying it that way.
Bruce: I said I throw the ball to Naturally.
Matt: You don't - you throw the ball to Who?
Bruce: Naturally!
Matt: Well, say that!
Bruce: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING! I throw the ball to who?
Matt: Naturally.
Bruce: Ask me.
Matt: You throw the ball to Who?
Bruce: Naturally.
Matt: That's it.
Bruce: SAME AS YOU!! I throw the ball to first base and who gets it?
Matt: Naturally!
Bruce: Who has it?
Matt: Naturally!
Bruce: HE BETTER HAVE IT! I throw the ball to first base. Whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow - triple play.
Matt: Yes.
Bruce: Another guy gets up - it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Matt: What was that?
Bruce: I said I don't give a darn!
Matt: Oh, that's our shortstop.
Bruce: AHHH!!!!! (attempts to strangle Matt)
Slayer: Hey Bruce! Stop killing Matt! That's My Job!!
'Gabriel': Yah, break it up!!!
Chris: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Milone: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Will they 'ever' get anything done?
With they ever pick a storyline and stick with it?
Will they ever stop copying old jokes?
Tune in next time to find out!

"Hey, who-"
"SHUT UP!!!"


P.S. That main joke was taken from the "Who's on First" routine by Abbott and Costello.
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In the meantime, the others kept on walking.

Milone: So..., the meaning of life...? Why couldn't we be on the quest for the best pizza?

Chris: Or the Holy Grail.

Slayer: Hey, you can't say that! That's copyrite infringement!

...

Milone: This quest better be done soon... because I have to... um... bathe the homeless.

(all three laugh)

Chris: Wait wha-...

Slayer: That is also copyrite infringement!

The other three behind them decided to search for the Meaning of Life/universe/everything themselves

Chris: Where are we anyway?

Slayer: This my friends, is the negitive zone!

Milone: What?

Slayer: This is where everyone of us (except god/satan/lucifer/little girl) (main characters) has a counterpart!

Chris: That stinks.

Milone: What are you saying? I get to talk to myself!

Slayer: Actually, everyone here is evil.

Milone: Oh.

Three ninja monkeys appeared out of no where!

Chris: Oh yeah! Did you forget mention that ninja monkeys appear from time to time?

Slayer did not answer. He had a very scary smile on his face. Immediately he started slashing his sword at everything in sight! Then the monkeys got scared and ran away.

Slayer: Sorry, I like to kill things...
lets search for the Evil robot ninja monkey king and defeat him!

Chris and Milone had no choise. He was the only one who probably knew what he was doing. Chris left a trail of jelly beans to help the others follow them. Hopefully slayer knows what he is doing.

Slayer: Hey!

I created you! I am one of the narrorators/ game masters! I control your fate!

Slayer: Not anymore! It is Mir Writer's turn!

Oh bother!
42
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"Whoa! Look! A sweet looking white house with red shutters and a white picket fense," said Chris, "And look, there's even a welcome mat! Lets go in for no apparent reason!" "Yah!"

So they all went in! And what'da kno! "It's the house of Satan's Sister!" said Matt. "And she's making Chocolate Chip Cookies!!!" said Milone! "Hello little brats, uh, I mean, children! How are you today?" "Good, how 'bout you? What are you up to?" "Well, I was thinking about ripping out your spines through your throats and impaling you to the wall with them. Cookies, anyone?" "Um..."

Suddenly a random demon crashing through the door. "Trish! (satan's sister) I've only know you for the past two lines, you've destroyed my home, family, friends, and village, and tried to kill me twice, have no real plot signifigance whatsoever, and have been an overall unsupporting character, But I love you!!!!!"
"Uh..."
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For some reason Bruce, Josh, and Matt just caught up with the others.

Matt: We are here to save you! Hey look cookies!

Matt leaped for the cookies, but apparently missed and hit the sister. Cookies flew everywhere! Cris just happened to swallow one, and whadd'a ya know? He has his ability to turn into a burnning (flying) shark again! (Wil not kill him)
With this new incredible power to fly, Chris ordered everyone to get on his back to fly away a safer place.
Satan's sister was trying to stuff Bruce into an oven screaming "Die! Die!"
Bruce was looking rather uncomfortable,"Excuse me, but I am simply too big to fit into this oven."
"Die! DIE!! Why won't you suffer!!!?!!!" she screamed hysterically, "..by the way, these tea scones are quite delictable."
"They're cookies," corrected Matt.

And with that, Chris grabbed Bruce and Matt with everyone else and flew away.

"Where're we going Chris?" asked Bruce.
Chris replied, "To my sister's wedding in Alaska."
They're serving whale blubber. hmmm whale blubber.



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Suddenly, they heard a voice cry out "STICK TO THE PLOTLINE, YOU JERKS!" Then 'Gabriel' said, "Hey, isn't there supposed to be some guy in Rhode Island who says he know the meaning of Life?" "Yah, I heard that too," said Milone, Since were in the middle of Connecticut, lets Fly there using some airline noone has ever heard of before!" "But won't it take less time to just drive?" "SHUT UP!"

So, they all boarded their plane.

(elevator music)

Two hours later, the Captain came over the PA system: "Hey folks, thanks for flying with Crasanddiehorriblehorribledeaths airlines! As an incentive to fly with us again, if you look out the right side, you'll see the Grand Canyon! It's an absolutely gorgeous sight! Naturally this flight will be slightly delayed. Have a good time!"

Two more hours later, the captain came back on the PA system: "Hello Again folks, I'm just calling to tell you that a squad of Iraqi Terrorists have hijacked the plane. Therefore, the fasten seatbelt light is back on. Please drop all valuables and cash of any forms in the buckets slowly moiving their way towards you. Please enjoy the inflight movie: Farenheit 911. However, the peanuts have been dumped off the plane along with the co-pilot and stewardesses, so have a nice day! Um, hello guys, why are you looking at me with red evil eyes, why are you walking towards me so menacingly, why are you holding a big-bloodly-rusty-machete, why are you breathing so heavily, whyare you pointing it at my nec--(thud)..."
"Oh No," said Matt, "No one's flying the Plane!"
"We're all going to crash and die horrible horrible deaths!" said Chris!
"I haven't had a line in four additions!" said Slayer.
"What should we do?" said Milone.
"I know! Let's consult the script!" said 'Gabriel'.
"Yah! That sounds like a good idea!" said Bruce.
"What?"

Will our heroes ever find out the meaning of Life?
Will they survive the crash?
Will they-ugh-AHHH!!-ow-ARGHH-(THUD)

"Yes! He's dead," said Slayer, "I wasn't finished yet. Anyways, the script says to jump off the plane in exactly two add-ons. If we don't we'll die for sure. Oh no! It says we can't have any plot holes or rips in the space-time continum!"
"What about the improbability drive?" said Bruce.
"Uh, hey, hey! It says nothing about useing it!"
"Well," said Chris, "I know an old angelic password to do that. If you say the word then it'll turn on the drive. All you have to do is say 'Zeeky-boogie-doog' (ZAPPPPPPP)







"Where are we?"
"What are we?"
"Who farted?!?!"
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Suddenly the super pizzs delivery man came by and kamakazied into the terrorists! Yet, now the plane was flying out of control.

Bruce: Now what will we do?

Chris: Wait a minute, I can fly!

Milone: How are we going to get off this plane?

Chris: Guys, I can fly!

Matt: I think I see some parachutes! No, those are barf bags.

Chris: I can fly us away!

Slayer: Shut up Chris! The terrorists will hear you!

Slayer knocked Chris unconcious.

Bruce: Now what will we do?

Gaberial: I can fly us down!

Everyone (not Chris): Ok

So gabriel flew them down to a small island. Unfortunately it was inhabited by Evil flaming bunnies. They scared Gaberiel.

AsianBoy: This is all your fault, Slayer!

Slayer: Sure blame me for scaring gaberiel off!

Bruce: Can't we all settle this like good people?

...

Asienboy: You stink!

Slayer: I know what your name is!

Asianboy: NOOOOOOOOO!

Slayer: JOSH!

Josh: Curse you slayer! I was going to tell people later. :( Oh well, we might as well call YOU by your real name, JAKE

Jake: Grrrrrrr! Ok, fine! You and Milone go wherever! You can search for the new narrorator (till later)! Bruce, take Chris and... find the meaning of life! Matt and I will... do stuff.

Gaberiel: So they all went on their sepperate ways. Hey, I am the narrorator while Josh and Milone find a new one!
Just as the current narrator was going to add on, something horrible happen-

"ARGG,AHH,Ugh..." (thud).
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"Oh no!" said Josh.
"What?" said Milone.
"Gabriel (the real one) got hit by a flying guitar!"
"Oh no! What ever shall we do!"
"I know! Lets hold auditions for the new narrator!"
Yeah!"
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Ummmmm, I got nothin'.... Xzonin you need a better story line!... Mir writer, you have your own set of characters, and so does Xzonin, so do I,... Make up your own stories!
So the narrator was nailed to the cross and rose from the dead three days later.
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While this was all going on, Josh and Chris went off in search of a new narrator. Then they start up a conversation," Wow, I'm totally worn out after walking for one hundred days-" "ahem" "I mean, fifty days-" "ahhem" "I mean, ten day-" "ahheem" "Oh, all right, so we've only been walking for ten minutes. But my feet hurt!" "heh, wimp..." "Hey, I know, how 'bout instead of finding the new narrator, we hold auditions!" "Yah, that sounds like fun! I call the Simon Characture!" "Hey, no fair! I wanna act like Simon!" "Tough. I called it first. So IN YOUR FACE!" "Okay."

On that note, they walked into the big warehouse on the other side of the road, put up big signs about the Auditions, and then when all was said and done (pun intended), they got ready for the first narrator-audition-person-thingy. "Okay, first we have..uh..some guy named 'guy from crowd' (decline fans, eat your heart out.) After that we have...uh...'Wormie' (Bruce, eat your heart out.) Then we have Trish (satan's sister). Then we have Bill and Ted ("X-cellent" 'guitar riff'). Lastly we have...uh...hey, Bruce! You can't be narrator! You're already writing this!" "Say what?" "Uh......" Then Josh thinks fast and whips out his men-in-black-copyrighted flashy-pen. "On second thought..." Josh puts back the pen and decides to do it old-school, "Wait right there." "Okay."

five minutes later:

Josh comes back, now wearing his Obi-Wan Costume. he stand in front of Chris, and waves his hand in a curve, saying "You will (emphasis on 'will') forget any mentions of authors or writers. Also you 'will' pay me back that twenty I lent you two months ago with compound interest and simple interest. That is all. Tip your waitress!" Then Josh steps back and waits for what he just said to take affect. Then a waitress comes along, brings Chris and Josh two tall glasses of A&W Root Beer in Barg Root Beer glasses. Then the waitress turns to Chris and says, "Is there anything else you would like with that sir?" Chris promptly tips her over, and then reaches into his back pocket and hands Josh a hundred dollars. "Okay," says Josh, "To Business."
"To Business!" yells Chris!
"What was that?"
"Oh, I thought you were proposing a toast. Sorry."
"Anyways, our first auditionee, 'Guy from Crowd." Jake will be auditioning him."
A Non-Existent User
Meanwhile, god was watching telivision.

Earlier- "A plane killed the Yankees and Red Socks in one blow. So the plane is now going to the world series."

"Aww man, I should have bet on the plane! Lets see what else is on."

TV click

"Hey, why do I need to audition him?... I mean...nevermind. So...?"

"Why do you need a new narrorator? I mean this story $#&@$! You already have no real plotline, I mean it is horrible! And no one really knows who I am!"

"Hiyah!!! Die!!! Kill!!! Destroy!!!"

"Ahhhh-"

TV click

"Does your girlfriend think your butt is small? She won't anymore if you buy "ButtMaster!"

TV click

"Now we're gunna put some trees on our little mountain here! Oooooooh, that's refreshing!"

TV click

"Charlotte, I can't love you anymore!" "Why not?" "Because I am sleeping with your daughters, grandmas, girlfriends, sisters, cousins roomate!" "The blond one?" "Yes." "Noooooo!"

"This stinks! I might as well watch that American Narrorator show!"

TV click

"(Sigh) (deep breathing) Sorry about that folks! I guess I just could not refrain myself from killing him! Ha ha ha! Oh well. Now... Matt will volunteer to interview the next one!"
Wormy was a good worm. He slithered. He crawled. He slithered some more and would poop once in a while.
But what he really cared about was his poetry. He loved nothing more than poetry.

This was his audition for narrator:

.....

.....
.....

.....(crickets chirping)

.....

As you can see, our judges do not speak "worm" so it was difficult to understand.

....
A Non-Existent User
Okay, that's it. Wormy won the audition, fair and square. So now, wormy will be the official narrator. WormY? Anything you want to say?
....................(crickets chirping).....
With that moving statement from Wormy, I now hand over the mike to Wormy. (applause).

...
...
...
...
...(cough cough)
...
...
...
...
...(crickets chirping)
...
...
...
...
... BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"WOORRRMMMMYYYYY!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" cried Bruce as he ran towards the dying worm.

"Hey, what happened? We were just getting to the good part!" said Chris.

"Wormy got taken down in a random drive-by!" said Jake, who was veiwing the security camera tapes.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVED YOOUUUUU!!!!!!" cried Bruce, as he cradled Wormy's dying body in his arms.

"Who could have done such a vile act!" yelled Josh, who had just come back from his coffee break.

"Wait a minute!" yelled Jake, "If I replay the the footage in slow-mo, maybe we can find out!"

So, everyone crowded around the four-inch wide black&white television screen (hey man, what can I say? we have a low budget).

"Hey, is that-" "PAUSE IT!!!" "No, it can't be!" "But it is!" "No!" "The killer is..."
A Non-Existent User
"In our last episode...
Our heros were searching for the new narrorator when "The Guy From Croud" came to steal the show when suddenly... The super pizza delivery man showed up to save the day by aiding Jake with a chainsaw! Wormy showed up and they all ate pizza! Although while he was anointed as the new narrorator... A drivebye occured... and wormy was left for dead..."

I still can't beleive that wormy was killed. - Chris

Poor wormy! He was so young! - Bruce

Now it is time to reveal the culprit, and stop boarding the readers to death! - Jake

What readers? - Matt

SHUTUPMATT! Anyways... The culprit is!...

Oh say it already! - Milone

Grrr... The culprit is... The evil communist Sponge!

What? - Josh

I should have known! - Bruce

Well, we might as well split up and stop him! - Jake
The sponge ran swiftly away. His purpose was complete. Master would be proud...
Just weeks ago, he felt as if nothing could be done to prevent what was to come. But with Wormy dead and Bruce having no narrator, hope was within grasp...

The age of Pisces was passing. And soon Bruce would have become the greatest author in the history of the whole freaking universe.

but no more...

....
....
....(crickets chirping)

....So he got a job as a middle school band teacher.
A Non-Existent User
Wow. I'm stunned. There is no way I cant match the stunning stupidity and confusing plot in the last two add-ons, but I'll try.



Meanwhile, everyone had packed themselves into the company golf cart (I already tried to explain our budget, so don't ask again.) Anyways, they somehow managed to get in front of the communist sponge, and had stopped him and captured him. At first, it looked like he wouldn't talk, so they tried the oppisite of Chinese water torture (draining the water out drop by drop). After a couple hours and buckets of water later, he finally agreed to talk.

"Okay, who hired you for the kill?" said Chris menacingly.

"It was this hot chick from that sleazy joint down the street. Said her name was Trish (for those of you to lazy to remember the storyline, that's Satan's sister), or some'ng like that. Listen fellas, that's all I got. I get the target, I do the job, and presto, a money appears in this account in a great bank I know called Watergate," squealed the sponge, "Now, can I scat? or can I at least have a shot of water?"

"You got it," said Chris, who then pulled out a shotgun and let rip with both barrels.

"Hey! You killed the Sponge!" cried Jake.
"Well, the bullets were filled ith concentrated water!"


"Eh!"
"Eh!"

"Okay, let's go!"

Will Bruce last five minutes in a strip joint?
For that matter, will he even run with this idea?
For that matter, will he still let me add on to this story?

Tune in next time to find out!!!




"Hey, who said that?"
"We already did that joke, so shut up."
"No, seriously! Our narrators have all died strange deaths, so who's narrating?"
"Hey, you have a point there!"
"I know! It must be Bob!
"who?"
"Bob, the clown who's also a part-time cereal killer!" ( a.k.a. Bob (it's a smiley face.)
"No, I know! It's the masked man!"
"Who is the masked man anyways?"
"It's the Lone Ranger!!!!
(faint cry in the distance) "High-ho Silver, AWAY-(crash)(thud)"
"What happened?"
"He rode off into the sunset!"
"Then why'd he fall off his horse?
"The sunset's painted on a brick wall."
"Oh."
A Non-Existent User
"Trish's plan was already working! But what happened next you ask... well I would rather not tell you... I mean you seriously don't wanna know!... But I will let Matt tell yoou because he owes me some money!... And he did not pay up!... MATT!!!"

I hope I don't get killed doing this! Oh well! It seems that after 3 crappy storylines, We decided to find out why Trish was doing this. We found the bar She was deviously waiting at. " El-sleezos." Then Bruce saw her... She was 17... and pretty! But this has nothing to do with that! So I will let Someone else tell it!
Indeed Trish was pretty...pretty ugly that is!
Her head was small and mutiple groths stuck out of her neck. Pus and blood oozed from her boils that covered her entire body.
Now the boils were so grown and matured that they'd sometimes whisper deathly chants to Trish giving her daydreams of random bunnies.

Bruce walked in the strip joint and used the jedi mind trick to tell everyone to go away and never come back to these places. The narrator turned out to have been strapped to a toilet and force-fed rat feces.

Ten minutes later, Bruce walked out of "El-Sleezos" cool as ice with the narrator slung over his back. Then the strip joint exploded suddenly but not to Bruce's surprise; for he had planted a bomb in the cursed building.

And America's youth was saved because society failed to pervert their minds with half-naked people.

....All because of Bruce.

The sponge, however, died...penniless, alone, in the dark....begging for mercy...while being force-fed snail food.
A Non-Existent User
In the previous episode:

Our heroes rushed to the strip joint, and after mounting a successful mission to rescue the narrator, blew up the building. (cue cheers)

Unbeknowst to them, underneath the building was the military underground complex: Area 50.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999...

Deep underground:

The scientists had just completed work on the portal into an alternate universe. They had just opened up some champagne when the building above them exploded into a massive fireball. The explosion created a huge crater, and all of the scientists were killed in the blast. All except one...

"Wha? What happened? Dr. Phil? Dr. BOb? Anyone? Oh god-" The scientist then saw all of the wreakage and dead bodies, "Oh my god...Oh my God!!! A penny!!!!! Wait, the generator is destablizing! It's going to blow!"

Meanwhile on the surface:
The boys were staring into the wreakage. Jake could be heard saying softly, "Burn, Burn, Burn!!!!!!"

Suddenly there was a blinding flash, a terribly loud noise, and a terribly quiet silence..................................................





What?
What happened?
Where are we?
What are we?
Who farted?
A Non-Existent User
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

Hi kids, Milone here! Hey, it's the bell! You know what that means?

Free Ice Cream!

Ha ha ha ha ha- NO! It means it's time to read some fanmail!

Booooo! You $#%&!

Oh well, This one is from Bobby from North Dakota! Bobby says, "Hi, What Just happened when the thingy exploded?" Well Bobby, YOU STUPID PEOPLE FORGET WHAT WE USUALLY DO WHEN SOMETHING EXPLODES!!! We go through a timewarp!... Yay... Anyways, now on to our next letter! This one is from... Ttam from... Uoydnihebthgir... New Jersey. He says, "Hello, I was just wondering why the handsome Matt has not had a line in a few days! Since I am a girl, I would like to go out with him! He is such a good dancer! And I also want to marry him too! Matt is so se-" Hey! MATT! GET OVER HERE! YOU SPELLED YOUR NAME BACKWARDS AND WROTE RIGHTBEHINDYOU NEW JEARSEY BACKWARDS! JAKE, TAKE HIM OUT!

Ha ha ha!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...

Anyways Kids, lets get back to our story!

A Non-Existent User
Cow
A Non-Existent User
I Be An Retarded, do, dododo, do. dododo, do, dodo, dodododo, doddododo, dododooooo!... Sorry
okayy....wow, a lot happened while i was gone.

Now, back to the plot.

It turns out the scientists were actually angels and they decided to tell Bruce the secret of life.

Mr. Phil stepped up to Bruce, he was a nearly bald man and thin as a stick.
"Bruce, seeker of the Secret...whassup yo?", said Mr. Phil.
Bruce stared, "okayy, so what's the secret of life?"
"Whatya say, yo, i cain't understand yo accent", said Mr. Phil.
Bruce said, "I said, yo, whats the secret of life."
"yo, whatya talkin' 'bout yo?"
Bruce decided to give up because Mr.......salad.

And so Bruce told him about his problems and Mr. Phil became a psychologist who started his own show called "Dr. Phil"
A Non-Existent User
And now, back to the show!

Bruce was walking along, when suddenly, he saw a sign that said "Nice, Cold, Liquid Items", and decided to drown his sorrows in some nice, cold, liquid items. So, he walked in, ordered half the bar, and stayed there for two days straight. When he had finished everything they had, six huge bouncers grabbed him and threw him out. As they squared off in the parking lot, Bruce thought to himself, "I can take them, I can take them all!" Then, he thought again, "Okay, now, I don't know how many it will take to beat me, but I know how many their sending." So, he backed off. It turned out than on his way out, he killed the owner's pet cockroach, so the owner called the cops.

Five minutes later, a Cop came and arrested Bruce saying,"I am arresting ya fo bein drunk in publik." Now Bruce had the right to remain silent, but he didn't have the ability. "Hey,hey,hey,hey...I was drunk in a bar, and...and then they, threw me into 'publik." Then, the Cop called back to base for Bruce's criminal record. Five seconds later, computers at NASA started up, the satelites all converged on the same frequency, and in a little town in the middle of Oklahoma, a telegrams started up: BEEP BE BEEP BEEP BE BE BEEP BE BE BEEP BE BEEP BEEP BEEP....BE BEEP BEP BEEEP BEP BEEP BEP.

About two years ago, Bruce was arrested for being drunk on God in public. As the sheriff was interviewing him, he asked, "Do you have any aliases?" Now Bruce was in a real bad mood, so he answered, "Yeah, some call me...Purple Cow."

Present time:

Bruce was standing in front of a cop, and the cop asked him, "Hey, are you...Bruce "Purple Cow" Wang?"

Then, GACK (thud).............................

This is BOb, taking over. The last narrator got killed when a random attack of a reality check occured. Man, those reality checks can be vicious!

Now, on to the story!
A Non-Existent User
For some strange reason, the story was suddenly used as a newspaper comic. Unfortunately the creator of the comic died, so the story was lost for years...

...Until God's righthand ma Ben showed up and found the first story. He was amazed at how badly people could spell. So he decided to let a man named Mr. Bubbles narrorate, and let Matt have a moustache, until he shaved it off.

This is the story continued.

The group had been searching for the meaning of life so long that they actually forgot what they were doing. So Bruce told everyone, "Okey guys, this story is awsome, so lets make sure we don't kill the narrorator again, or the people will hate us. THat means you Jake!"
"Awwww man."
So eventually they came to a door. Inside was a room that led them back to ainchent China. Then the awsome hardcore ninjafight could begin!!!
As the ninjas in the room beleaguered the boys, Bruce suddenly dawned on a random black leather trench coat while accessorizing with a pair of sunglasses.
A voice in his head told him, "Believe Bruce, there is no spoon."

And so Bruce beat up all the ninijas and went to Jake's birthday party. At four o'clock on Saturday.
A Non-Existent User
He is the one! He is the Matrix!

Woah.

During the party (which was awesome!), Bruce suddenly had a flashback to the big fight.

Guess who had been right there, fighting by his side?

Wormy (reincarnated as a blue worm)! and the 'Angel of Darkness' (Bruce's secret crush)!

As they were kicking some serious ninja tush, a guy hiding ten miles away pulled out a sniper rifle with a huge scope and took aim on the A of D.

Wormy, using his telescopic vision, saw the bullet, and leapt in the bath just before it hit the A of D. (Camera pans in slow mo from the bullet to Wormy to the A of D andback until)

Then the bullet goes into Wormy's body, and he falls to the ground.

"Wormy!", cried Bruce, "Nooooo!!!!!! Not again!!!!" Then, as he cried, Wormy lifted his head ever so slightly, and he said ...(crickets chirping)...(cough cough)...

Then his eyes closed and he fell back. "Noooooo!!!!!!!!" cried Bruce. Then he snapped back into reality and saw that he was completely surrounded and the boss ninja had captured the A of D and was forcing her to watch American Pie: Band Camp (oh, the horror!).

So, (camera zooms in on Bruce's eyes), in a major Hulk spoof, we watch as his eyes turn from...whatever color they normally are...into bloodshot bright red evil eyes! Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!

Then-wait, I blinked. What happened?

Well, God knows how he did it, but apparently he turned into Ivy from SC2 and whipped them all with a huge combo. Overkill!

Now Bruce moves in to kiss the A of D when...
...
...
...
She slaps him.

Then he gets back to real reality, where he notices that him and the gang are standing at a gate, with a sign saying: 'The meaning of life this way =>', and below that, a bright red big friendly button with a sign saying 'If you value your life and your sanity, for God's sake man, don't touch this friggin' button.'

Faced with this descision, Jake jumped up, knocked out Matt, Chris, Chris, Josh, and Bruce, and slammed their bodies into the button.

At which point the world ended.
A Non-Existent User
Unfortunately, hell broke loose. The awsome ninja fight was over, and Josh had a hangover after all that soda from Jakes party... But what exactly happened?

After the party, The pope was killed in a strange advil incedent... or maybe it was Jake...

Oh well.

But lets go back to the fight

Before the fight, we had stumbled ito a forest in the middle of China

Nothing makes sence anymore!!! And what happened to the pope??? Jake shouted

Don’t yell!!! Look at the sign! Said Milone

“Next to us was a sign that said, “Please do not shout, especially if your name begins with an M, J, C, or B!”

WHAT? Chris shouted

Chris was listening to his old Beetles CD

STOP SHOUTING!!!

“Just then, a large ninja army surrounded them! Their leader was the biggest and blackest of all of them! His name was Zorloc 7! He shouted at us, “You have disrespected the shiny… sign… of…uhhhhhhh… stuffffyyyeeaaahhh… now you will die!” Then the ninjas started flying! Some of them turned into fire balls, and dinosaurs, and presidents… wait not presidents, I mean volcanoes!”

Not today! Chris shouted

*Note: I am to tired to narrarate the Fight scene. So... good guys win by default.*

We are approaching a big ship! Chris said

Who are you? Said a strange voice coming from the ship

Our names are Chris, Milone, Josh, Jake, Matt, and I am bruce!

Well It's about time! I have been reading the Same anime books for the past year now!

“The boy stepped out of the shuttle”

What is your name? Milone asked

I forgot!

“They talked for a while with the boy and Found out he liked Honey Buns. It seemed he had forgotten the question! ”

Well, to be quick, since the name of your ship is called the Rye Anne, why don’t we call you Chris Rye Anne! Said Chris

Naw, why not call him Ryan? Said Milone

I don't know the Question to the answer of 42, but Jesus does! JE-SUS! Said Ryan

He is very busy now a days! He is working on something called the… um… rapture, yeah rapture! Said Chris

Where is he working on this? Said Bruce

In… Istanbul.

Istanbul! Of course!

Am I the only one who has the least amount of lines in this? Said Matt

WE must go to Istanbul at once! I wonder if he will sign my t-shirt? Shouted Bruce
A Non-Existent User
At this time a conga line was formed in front of our heros led by a strange lady with a conga hat.

Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night

Every gal in Constantinople
Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople
So if you've a date in Constantinople
She'll be waiting in Istanbul

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Why they changed it I can't say
People just liked it better that way

So take me back to Constantinople
No, you can't go back to Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

Istanbul (Istanbul)
Istanbul (Istanbul)

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Why they changed it I can't say
People just liked it better that way

Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

So take me back to Constantinople
No, you can't go back to Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

Istanbul
Anyways...

Our heroes finally took a perfectly normal flight to Istanbul. They walked around in the city and saw the horrible destruction. There was blood, corpses, and maggots feeding on the corpses.

And because the narrator has nothing to say right now because it is 10:30 p.m, a cow began dancing to entertain our viewers.

Da da dada dee dum, da da dada dee dee dum, da da da dada deeeee dum, da dada dee dum.
A Non-Existent User
"As I am one of the founders of this, I am hearbye setting a law that you can't repeat jokes already used from now on, (coughJakecough)" stated Josh.

"Okay then, weirdo..." muttered Jake under his breath.

Then, Matt, in rage at not having a decent line in 16 add-ons, grabbed a sawed off double barrel shotgun and blew the cow's head to smithereens.

"Why does this keep happening to me?" cried Chris, "Why must the good die young?"

"YES!!!! YES!!!! YES!!!!!!" screamed Matt.

And then they cooked the cow and ate it for dinner.

...

4 hours later

After finishing off every scrap of flesh from the cow, Bruce pondered, "Now what?"

Suddenly, they heard a voice cry out "STICK TO THE PLOTLINE, YOU JERKS!" Then 'Gabriel' said, "Hey, isn't there supposed to be some guy in Rhode Island who says he know the meaning of Life?" "Yah, I heard that too," said Milone, Since were in the middle of Connecticut, lets Fly there using some airline noone has ever heard of before!" "But won't it take less time to just drive?" "SHUT UP!"

So, they all boarded their plane.

(elevator music)

Two hours later, the Captain came over the PA system: "Hey folks, thanks for flying with Crasanddiehorriblehorribledeaths airlines! As an incentive to fly with us again, if you look out the right side, you'll see the Grand Canyon! It's an absolutely gorgeous sight! Naturally this flight will be slightly delayed. Have a good time!"

Two more hours later, the captain came back on the PA system: "Hello Again folks, I'm just calling to tell you that a squad of Iraqi Terrorists have hijacked the plane. Therefore, the fasten seatbelt light is back on. Please drop all valuables and cash of any forms in the buckets slowly moiving their way towards you. Please enjoy the inflight movie: Farenheit 911. However, the peanuts have been dumped off the plane along with the co-pilot and stewardesses, so have a nice day! Um, hello guys, why are you looking at me with red evil eyes, why are you walking towards me so menacingly, why are you holding a big-bloodly-rusty-machete, why are you breathing so heavily, whyare you pointing it at my nec--(thud)..."
"Oh No," said Matt, "No one's flying the Plane!"
"We're all going to crash and die horrible horrible deaths!" said Chris!
"I haven't had a line in four additions!" said Jake.
"What should we do?" said Milone.
"I know! Let's consult the script!" said Josh.
"Yah! That sounds like a good idea!" said Bruce.
"What?"

Will our heroes ever find out the meaning of Life?
Will they survive the crash?
Will they-ugh-AHHH!!-ow-ARGHH-(THUD)

"Yes! He's dead," said Jake, "I wasn't finished yet. Anyways, the script says to jump off the plane in exactly two add-ons. If we don't we'll die for sure. Oh no! It says we can't have any plot holes or rips in the space-time continum!"
"What about the improbability drive?" said Bruce.
"Uh, hey, hey! It says nothing about useing it!"
"Well," said Chris, "I know an old angelic password to do that. If you say the word then it'll turn on the drive. All you have to do is say-Whoa. Deja vu! I have the oddest feeling that this has happened before!"

"Whoa..." "Whoa..." "Whoa..." Whoa..." "Whoa..." "Whoa..." "Whoa..."

Then, out of know where, Keanu Reeves popped up and said "Hey, that's my line!"

...

..."uh..."

...

"Whoa..." "Whoa..." "Whoa..." Whoa..." "Whoa..." "Whoa..." "Whoa..."

Light flashed, the boys and Jake, were hurled through time, space, and the stars. Light and matter flew past them. Planets moved at impossible rates through time when finally, everything was stopped.

The six kids stood in a vast empty black place. It had no ground or sky or horizon that could be seen. The black emptyness went on forever and it went no where. There was absolutly nothing, the empty of all emptyness.

Suddenly, Jesus appeared in a dazzling array of psycodelic colors.
"Oh my goodness", said Josh,"it's George Bush!"

Jesus became very insulted at this compliement and struck Josh with the power of one-thousand nagging wives. He died instantly.

Oops

Jesus, with his holy lips finally spoke," You all have worked long and hard to get to me. At last the meaning of life will be revealed to you."

They all waited in anticipation with eyes widened and past hardships forgotten.

"The meaning of life...is....forty...

wait, wait, I mean...for all mankind to serve me!"


At last, everything became clear. God's greatest invention, man, could only fulfill it's purpose by serving the inventor.

And with that the incredible question of life was answered. However, mankind has forgotten the truth because they spend their time doing stupid things like writing FREAKIN' STORIES IN STUPID PLACES CALLED......THE INTERNET>>>>!!!!!!!!!!


THE END!!! (cue theme music)


da da dum...da da da da dum,

Thank you for reading, now go and serve Jesus.
or else.
A Non-Existent User
EPILOGUE:

After the cast-uh, I mean, group of friends, all left the set-uh, I mean, heaven, to crash Trish's wild party, God was walking by, and noticed the body of Josh lying unmoving on the ground. Overcome with disgust-I mean, pity, at this poor sight, He decided to resurect Josh, and turn him into the ArchAngel Xzonin! His body surging with newfound power, 'Xzonin' rose up from the ashes of his previous self. His huge wings unfolded, and radiated a heavenly light so bright that all demons in view instantly burned up and died. Then, hovering above the ground in all his new-found majesty, Xzonin said, "Woah. Let's do that again!"

After the cast-uh, I mean, group of friends, all left the set-uh, I mean, heaven, to crash Trish's wild party, God was walking by, and noticed the body of Josh lying unmoving on the ground. Overcome with disgust-I mean, pity, at this poor sight, He decided to resurect Josh, and turn him into the ArchAngel Xzonin! His body surging with newfound power, 'Xzonin' rose up from the ashes of his previous self. His huge wings unfolded, and radiated a heavenly light so bright that all demons in view instantly burned up and died. Then, hovering above the ground in all his new-found majesty, Xzonin said, "Okay, so lets see what else I can do besides control time." So, Xzonin reached behind his back, and pulled out a sweet long huge flaming sword! Suddenly, ornately decorated and awesome armor appeared on him. "Woah! Now this, I could get used to!" He quickly summoned up about 200,000 Hellspawn/ArchDemons. The other angels all hid and ran away, calling Xzonin crazy. Even God stepped back. But then, Xzonin totally demolished them all in a massive fight scene to gruesome and cool to describe in words. Eventually, all that was left was piles of bones, dismembered demon body parts, and demonic skulls. Xzonin hadn't even broken a sweat yet. "That...was...awesome!!!!!!! Let's do that again!"

Then, hovering above the ground in all his new-found majesty, Xzonin said, "Okay, so lets see what else I can do besides control time." So, Xzonin reached behind his back, and pulled out a sweet long huge flaming sword! Suddenly, ornately decorated and awesome armor appeared on him. "Woah! Now this, I could get used to!" He quickly summoned up about 200,000 Hellspawn/ArchDemons. The other angels all hid and ran away, calling Xzonin crazy. Even God stepped back. But then, Xzonin totally demolished them all in a massive fight scene to gruesome and cool to describe in words. Eventually, all that was left was piles of bones, dismembered demon body parts, and demonic skulls. Xzonin hadn't even broken a sweat yet. "That...was...awesome!!!!!!!"

Meanwhile, Trish's party turned out to be really, really, lame, and the lead guitarist from the band playing there (Green Day) got so bored, he threw his guitar into the air, and it landed on Bruce and killed him.

Well, now it's time to end part one of this fantastic journey. Read "The Meaning of Life (?): Part 2" for the rest of the story.

THE REAL END.

(In your face Bruce! Don't ever think about killing my character ever again!)

© Copyright 2005 Xzonin, mir writer, xx-xx, xx-xx, (known as GROUP).
All rights reserved.
GROUP has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
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