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Jun 30, 2009 at 8:22pm
Review: Emerin "Aphorisms of the Big O"
by Past Member 'moonchild11'
Title:Catchy - most definitely catchy because it sounds interesting and is of course a reference to sex which gets EVERYONE'S attention for one reason or another. I think it is also essential for the understanding of the poem and brings it all together.

Style and Voice: Some of this seemed like quotes I've heard before (one definitely) and some of it seemed like your own writing, which made this have a lot of different tones in it, in my opinion. It was definitely a unique way to gather this stuff together. Overall, this did feel pretty bitingly sarcastic, which I adored. I'm not sure if it's 100% consistent, but I think that's also part of the point.

Word Choice:Spot on diction. There wasn't anything I could see or suggest a better word for.

Figurative Language: Here's where I'm not exactly sure what to say about the poem. There were times you used quatrains, sometimes just short choppy statements, and other times a quote. There's really no consistency to it, and I'm not always sure I see why certain things are used. I'm feeling like a lot of this work went straight over my head.

Rhyme and Rhythm:Generally none was used, except for two stanzas where, the first was a playful ironic rhyme about lovers through the seasons and the second was a less rhythmic one about a crocodile. I think the irony was great but I wasn't sure what the whole crocodile part was about at all, so I'm not sure how to comment on the effectiveness of the rhyme/rhythm there.

Structure and Form:This was a very original and experimental form to write this poem in. I think that it's interesting and something that definitely catches my eye. I really think you picked a good type of poem for the subject and really used the form to your abilities.

Imagery:All right - this is where I admit that about 50% of this poem made no sense to me and I don't know how it related to the title or other parts at all. Gray, Bunny, Crocodile, Confucius said were the ones that I really didn't get and wasn't really sure what you were trying to say. The rest of them I have a pretty good idea of the general idea/what I got out of it. Even then, I'm wondering if this was a bit TOO experimental and wondering if it's going to be written off as trying too hard. You have a fun form, but with each stanza as short as it is, I'm thinking that maybe you also tackled too many different ideas/sections/bold parts. By the end it was a tad tedious to keep reading, especially cause I was getting to stanzas that left me blank.

Theme and Meaning:See above paragraph for my lack of understanding. Haha. However, I did pick up on a lot of sarcasm and chuckled to myself a few times. However, I'm not sure if I felt a unifying theme or idea to take away from this.

Personal Opinion:As a whole, I think this was just too experimental for my tastes. I think at half the length and with some language/images that are more clearly relatable, this could be a fun experimental. But right now, for me, it's a hard and confusing experimental that leaves me more bewildered and frustrated than anything else. I'm not sure if I can take anything away from it right now. I really LOVE the original aspect to it. Like really really. I think making it a bit more reader friendly could help, at least for me.
Review: Emerin "Aphorisms of the Big O" · 06-30-09 8:22pm
by Past Member 'moonchild11'
Re: Review: Emerin "Aphorisms of the Big O" · 06-30-09 11:44pm
by emerin-liseli

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