Writer's Fallout Shelter

HAHAHA, that rant made me laugh, thank you. And I can't believe you know the term Mary Sue. Here I thought that was just in the fanfic world...

Anyway, turns out I got second place in the contest. That confuses me a bit... but! I'm still wondering about that particular style of writing and the question I asked earlier. As I said, if I hadn't gotten roughly the same comment from two different people, I wouldn't be worrying about this as much... I take the comments as constructive criticism and do appreciate what anyone has to say, irksome or not. ;) It is definitely a lesson, once completed, that will stick with me throughout my writing career.

So here's the item:

Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #1274490 by Not Available.

If anyone can give me any pointers or reveal anything, it would be greatly appreciated. I don't particularly like doing shameless plugging, but I do appreciate some of you offering to help.