Story Cafe

It goes well until the line "One such boy..."

I'd say finish the paragraph with "...stomachs in the grass."

Then hit it with:

"Adam stared at the lake from amongst the crowd. His name was embroidered on the back of his trunks by his mother, the same woman who dragged him down to Saint Helen Lake from their home in Rose City, Michigan, an hour away, on many weekends..."

Or words to that effect. Set scene, introduce character, some mention of the traits, straight into the story.

Of course, feel free to ignore me completely...