I feel your pain. I too had lost a number of cats. All of them were precious to my family and I. When my father passed away, our three cats searched for him in vain. It was heartbreaking as we could not really explain to them what had happened; though I suspect they did understand in their own way.
We lost all three cats, Bonnie, Clyde, and Momma-Mia to old age a few short years later. Cats, dogs, or any other animal are not just simply pets, they are a part of the family and are just as loved as any sibling or child.
You have my condolences and my hope that knowing you are not alone will bring you some comfort.
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