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I'd be happy to read your first chapter.
What you've sent is certainly interesting, but it's more of a teaser or outline than an actual story. This site is designed to assist authors with the craft of fiction--the nuts-and-bolts of drawing readers into a fictional world and showing events as they happen. That's best done via reading your opening chapter or--as is the case with at least one other set of requests on this site--submitting a chapter every couple of weeks for review and comment.
Thanks again for your interest, and I'll look forward to reading your first chapter.
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