SHREWD Application (Survey)

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Rated: 13+ · Survey Form · Comedy · #1520308

Because even Supreme Overlords must start somewhere.

Logo of SHREWD: Society for the Hiring and Recruitment of Entrepreuners in Wicked Deeds.
Society for the Hiring and Recruitment of Entrepreneurs in Wicked Deeds
"Because even Supreme Overlords must start somewhere."


Congratulations!

You have been pre-qualified for one of this year's coveted SHREWD sponsorships!

We at SHREWD believe in the promotion of the independent spirit among evil doers everywhere, and we are proud to offer you this unique opportunity to further your dastardly plans. Our applicants are drawn from the prestigious Who's Who of Aspiring Overlords and are then screened by a rigorous internal committee to ensure the quality of our final candidate pool. This letter is to inform you that you have therefore passed the first hurdle on the long, rewarding path to infamy. As the next step in the selection process, we ask you to please complete the following form and return it to our office within two weeks of your receipt.

Thank you, and we look forward to our future correspondence.

Best regards,
Board of Directors
S.H.R.E.W.D.

(Note: If, on the other hand, you believe that you are receiving this communication in error and that your name does not actually belong in the WWAO database, please fill out and return the enclosed self-addressed, stamped postcard so that our office may correct this oversight. You may then wish to get all of your worldly affairs in order as quickly as possible so that there will be no further complications when we dispatch a ninja hit-team to your place of residence to ensure the continued secrecy of our organization. Thank you in advance for your cooperation and we apologize for any inconvenience.)

Fine print:

SHREWD is an organization dedicated to the encouragement of innovative thought in the field of evil while at the same time preserving the time-honored traditions of villainy for the oppression of generations to come. In recognition of these tough economic times, we strive to foster those among us whose dark ambitions may be stifled by lack of sufficient resources or mentorship. To that end, the SHREWD sponsorship was established, with grants and donations from past members eager to give back to a community that cradled them in their own first bumbling steps toward notoriety.

A SHREWD sponsorship offers many things to the aspiring villain. Among these are: capital with which to start your nefarious campaign of terror; a mentor to offer advice, guidance, and bailout money should the occassion arise; twice-weekly classes on the classic characteristics of evil overlords, and how to adapt them to the modern world; discussion groups focused on current issues and events and the best ways of manipulating them to your benefit; and much, much more. Those chosen for a sponsorship will also have access to SHREWD's state-of-the-art facilities, among them our missile control board (codes not included), cutting-edge laboratory, authentic ancient castle with underground dungeon, executive suite for business meetings, and Olympic-standard gym with attached sauna and jacuzzi.

Competition for our sponsorships is often fierce, and we appreciate -- in fact we encourage -- candidates to take matters into their own hands should they so desire. Feel free to remove bothersome rivals to help us narrow the field. Not only does it cut down on the hassle of the selection process, it shows a proactive spirit ready to tackle the challenges that lie ahead.
Multiple submissions allowed | (R) denotes a required field.
     
     
3.   Villain type. SHREWD is an equal opportunity employer. We recognize the valuable contributions made to further the cause of darkness by those from all walks of life. That being said, which one of the following categories most closely describes how you view yourself? (R)
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
4.   Minions. We at SHREWD understand the difficulty of building a reliable network of minions from the ground up, and we are therefore prepared to offer our assistance in this regard provided a suitable rate of return may be negotiated at a later date. If you require start-up funds for this purpose, please fill in the circle most appropriate to your situation. (R)
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
5.   Priorities. Time management is important to any new business. Given a situation where you may only choose one, with nothing else being guaranteed, would you rather: (R)
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
6.   Role model. This is the part of our application that gives a nod to all the great super villains who have passed before us and laid the groundwork for so much of our success. Which of the following would you say has provided the greatest inspiration in your own work? (R)
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
9.   Strengths. What do you view as your greatest strength? (R)
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
10.   Weaknesses. While most aspiring supreme overlords deny the presence of any weakness, SHREWD finds that honesty in this matter (and probably this matter alone) generally increases the Lag Time to First Arrest (LTFA). So, of the following list, which would you say is your most dreaded weakness? (R)
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
15.   Down time. As in any high-stress career, supreme overlords should not hesitate to take some time for themselves or suffer the risk of burnout. What would be your down time of choice? (R)
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
      Check this box to agree with the above statement.
      Check this box to agree with the above statement.
*Note* Disclaimer: The information submitted will be sent to silverfeathers. Do not submit anything private or confidential.