They say you never forget your first love; everyone has one, and Clark Kent’s case, that someone is Lana Lang. With her sparkling green eyes, long and flowing red hair, and a smile that can knock a fella’s socks off, Lana’s looks are matched only by her strong and outgoing personality. A far cry from the more traditional and old fashioned kind of girls that tend to make up Smallville’s female population, Lana can definitely seem out of place in a place that is epitomizes what it means to be small town America. She wears short skirts, she was naturally spunky and independent, but perhaps the biggest thing that makes her stand out from the other girls is the fact that technically, she is dating two people. However, unlike a certain redhead in Riverdale, one of her suitors happens to be more powerful than a locomotive.
However, Lana is as smart as she is beautiful, and thus over time, she has been able to pick up on a few oddities about Clark Kent that most others have failed to notice; his constant tardiness, the way he always disappears just before Superboy arrives on the scene, and the sheer volume of lame excuses that even her pal, Pete Ross, had started to call too ridiculous to believe, and the fact that she felt so comfortable and protected and longing for both Superboy and Clark Kent had Lana all but certain that they were one in the same. She had not been able to prove it fully to herself, but she always took any opportunity to try and change that, and this instance was no different.
“AAAAAAAAHHHHH!! RUN!!!” yelled just about everybody on Main Street as Lex Luthor came stomping through in his latest giant robot mech-suit. Every step it took broke the pavement like it was made of glass, and its clawed hands grabbed every car it could and flung them into buildings and towards the fleeing populace. However, one girl in the crowd wanted to do anything but run, in spite of how quickly she was being tugged by a jogging Clark Kent, “Come on, Lana, we need to get out of here!”
“Clark, stop, just turn into Superboy.” Lana pleaded, hoping that the sight of all the chaos would be a better incentive to get him to drop the act than anything she could come up with. Unfortunately, Clark only response was telling her that this was no time for jokes and then yelled at her to run faster as he flung her forward while he ducked into an alleyway. However, as Lana stumbled, that was all the time Lex needed to catch up to her and ensnare her, eliciting a scream from Lana as she was lifted into the air by the robot. Luthor addressed his hostage “Ah, Lana Lang, so we meet again. I must say, that’s rather lovely green dress you have on. Rather formal for you, it actually reaches your knees, and that matching bow headband is just adorable. Did you get all dressed up for me?”
“In your dreams, Lex!” Lana yelled. He was right about her attire being a little out of place on her, but Clark really liked her more girly ensembles more than her skimpy attire, and she had hoped that wearing more numbers like that dress would help in softening him up enough to be open about his secret. Speaking of Clark, it was then that a red and blue blur soon halted in front of the robot, “The only fashion you should be thinking about is your own, Lex. Tell me, do you prefer orange or black and white stripes?”
“You arrogant little-” Lex finished his statement by lashing his free claw out at Superboy, but he quickly evaded it. Lex swung again and again, flailing the arm about, and getting Lana to scream helplessly in the meantime, but fortunately, it was then that Superboy yanked the claw that held her right off the robot’s arm and brought it to the ground, prying it open to free Lana. Once she was out, an angered Superboy turned back to his foe, who stated, “Don’t give me that look. You’ve brought this on yourself for ruining my life, like when you caused me to go bald!”
“I was an accident Lex, and you know it! All of the ills in your life have been mistakes you made yourself!” Superboy lectured, but alas, the mad genius refused to listen, “LEX LUTHOR DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES!!!” Then, a secret compartment opened up in the robot’s chest, revealing a green glowing rock that Superboy knew all too well, and as he gasped, Luthor monologue, “Behold, my greatest creation! I handcrafted this Kryptonite myself! Using every resource at my disposal, I have ensured that instead of a slow and agonizing death, this stone will bring your demise in a matter of…of…..what?”
Lex could blink all he wanted, but all that he kept on seeing was Superboy still hovering there, looking about as surprised as he did. Down below, Lana tilted her head, and thought to herself, “Wow, I knew Lex Luthor was foolish, but this is something else.” Soon she saw Superboy shake the shock away, and rearing back, he slammed his fist right into the robot, which then popped apart like a cheap toy. The phony Kryptonite fell to the ground along with Lex, but he was caught. That however was his only saving grace as Lana promptly marched up to him as Superboy held him by the shirt collar and smacked him so hard that he saw stars.
“THAT’S what you deserve you-UH!” Lana stopped as she suddenly felt rather strange. She began moaning from her discomfort, and Superboy naturally asked her what was wrong, and suddenly, the answer came in the form of Lana Lang bloating up! Superboy gasped Lana’s body suddenly looked a balloon being filled up with air, as everything from her face to her toes puffed up with fat. Lana’s bracelet popped up her wrist as her arms rose like fresh dough, every seam in her dress was heard ripping apart as she swelled, and even her bobby sox were ripped apart by her pudgy feet! Even Lana’s voice changed, getting heavier as her body did. By the time it was over, she still looked and sounded like Lana, but now also sounded just as husky as she appeared.
“WHAT HAPPENED?!” bellowed out the now rotund redhead. Looking down, she could not believe what she was seeing. Her once slim arms and legs were now thick trunks of jiggling fat, and when she pressed her thick hands to her face, she could chubby cheeks and a double chin that weren’t there a moment ago. Everything new sight and touch made her gasp, like when she noticed that chest now looked like she was hiding two overinflated balloons in her dress. The same went for her chunky belly which now jutted out further than her chest, but it wasn’t until Lana felt behind her that she really started to whimper. The wideness of her hips were only the opening act to the real show; a rump that become so huge and round, it felt like the two huge cheeks had fused into one big sphere the size of a beach ball.
“Lana,” Superboy tried to talk to her, desperately trying to find the right words so she did not lose it. He subject of a woman’s weight is always a landmine, but this particular scenario rattled even the boy of steel, but still he pressed onwards, “listen, I’m not sure how, but I think that Lex’s fake Kryptonite somehow affected you instead of me. Lana, I promise that I am going to do everything I can to find a way to-” before he could make the promise of a cure, Superboy and the circus fat lady then saw that the glow of the Kryptonite had suddenly ceased. Much to their shock, the rock had now turned grey instead of green, and with a groan, a suddenly conscious Lex Luthor commented, “A very short radioactive half-life…my mistake.”
He passed out again after that, and using his super sight, Superboy confirmed Luthor’s words, stating, “It’s completely transmutated into lead!” There was now no specimen for him to study, and as the knowledge in for both of them, Lana looked like she was ready to burst into tears.
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