Too many sexual harassment complaints? Seriously? Everyone in the building knows that it's only a handful of people guilty of sexual harassment and they're the ones filing the complaints against each other. Sarah harasses Ben and then files a complaint against Ben. Meanwhile, Ben harasses Steve. Steve harasses Jennifer. And Jennifer harasses Sarah. The company would be better off just firing those four but because of legal technicalities, everyone else has to suffer through sexual harassment awareness classes at least once a month.
So whose complaint led to the genital confiscation? There are a few other suspects. Mark has also been a little sexually inappropriate but only at company parties after getting drunk. Patty makes a habit of accusing anyone who gets in her way and even though it's obvious that her accusations are completely phony, the company still has to investigate and take action on each complaint. Then there's Said with his religious zeal who simply hates that anyone outside of his religion might have a little fun.
The worst part of the email is that you won't be getting your genitals back anytime soon. The email speaks of a pending legal decision since genital confiscation is such a new phenomenon. This means you'll have to wait for the lawyers to debate and call recesses to decide whether you have the right to your genitals.
This is totally absurd. You have to do something in protest You could rebel immediately by doing something like trying to pee on whoever has your genitals but that risks getting fired. Maybe you should talk with your coworkers to organize a mutiny but that takes time. What should you do?
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