Chapter #6Minotaurs and Gremlins by: Unknown You figure you couldn't keep the secret away from your wife forever and lower your head. "Sapphire," you say. "Would you mind leaving the room for a fe minutes." Sapphire looks at you in confusion but you gesture for her to exit the room and she complies. You don't want her to hear what you're about to discuss with Maggie.
"Maggie," you say. "There's something I should've told you sooner. Today, Moxie came into the salon." "Neil," says Maggie. "She shows up once a week at the salon. She's a mechanic. It wreaks havoc on her nails. I wouldn't exactly call that unusual." "You don't understand Maggie." You then gesture to Maggie to pick you up and then you whisper what happened in your ear. Maggie's eye immediately goes wide before she shouts "WHAAAAAAAAAT!" prompting Sapphire in the next room to plug her ears. "That bastard! Not the child, I mean Angus! Neil, why didn't you say something about this earlier?! I can't believe it. First Fang and now this!" Maggie is shocked and appalled to hear the news between the Oxnards and from the look on her face, she was ready to kill.
"Maggie," you say. "Please, calm down. This is why I didn't want to tell anyone." Maggie thinks about that and realizes something. "If word gets out, it'll kill Lily. What to do, what to do?" That night in bed, both you and Maggie were wide awake with you in between your wife's boobs as you're both trying to think of a solution to this problem. The very next day is your day off and you're nervously sitting on the coffee table as Maggie is getting dressed for work. "Don't worry, Neil," she says. "I have a plan. I'll get everyone I can together to try and figure out how to tackle this problem. You just stay here and watch Shocker's Tales and I'll be back tonight." You nod your head. "I hope you know what you're doing, Maggie." As Maggie is out the door, you see the Shocker appear laughing on the television and then immediately change the channel. "Not in the mood for Shocker's Tales today. Most of those stories are about adultery. I can't enjoy them today." You're visibly shaken. "And I can't even get to the fridge to grab a soda to calm my nerves."
That night, you're standing on Maggie's shoulders as she is forcing Sapphire out of the house so she wouldn't overhear the meeting. "I don't care what you do," says Maggie. "Go to a movie, hang out with Ruby or go to the library. Whatever. I need you out of the house tonight." "Why?" asks Sapphire. "And why were you screaming last night? What's going on?" "That's none of your business, young lady," you tell Sapphire. "For your own sake we need you out of the house until bedtime. Just go!" Sapphire shrugs her shoulders and runs off. "Why can't she go out on the town without question like other teenagers?" you ask.
That night Maggie invited many of the monsters you knew to a meeting to discuss the plan. First was your sister, Meryl and brother-in-law, Flint. Maggie had also, against all logic, invited her sister, Fiona, though you're glad Cattleya wasn't with her. Barbara Anne and Penny being Lily's closest friends besides Maggie were there as well as Pearl's parents, Fortuna and David Sirtis. Irma and Jolene were there as well as Taleela Khamen, Sapphire's history teacher and she came with the art teacher, Colleen. For some reason, Isis was there as well, but she appeared to be sleeping and it looked like she drew on her eyelids to fool Maggie. The last to arrive were your neighbors Summer MacBeth the Werehyena and Flora Flanders the Spriggan. Flora appeared to be carrying a container of potato salad.
"I wonder why Maggie wanted us all to meet here?" asks Barbara Anne. Penny just shrugs her flippers and lets out a muffled "I dunno". "Maybe it's a potluck," says Flora. "I hope so. I brought potato salad." "Shut up, Flanders." Mutters Summer. Maggie walks into the center of the room with you on her shoulder. "Everyone," says Maggie. "Neil has brought to my attention a serious emergency." Everyone, except for Flora looks on in worry. "Is there an escaped terrorist loose in Dreadberry?" asks Jolene as she takes out a pair of handcuffs with an excited look on her face. Irma looks on at Jolene as if to question why she brought handcuffs in the first place. "No, Jolene," says Maggie with a sigh. "There isn't an escaped terrorist." Jolene is about to speak again but Maggie cuts her off. "There isn't an escaped arsonist either."
"Well cut to the chase, Mags," says Barbara Anne. "What's the sitch?" "It's Moxie," says Maggie. "She's pregnant." "That's great," says Flora. "Has she thought of a name yet? Are we planning a baby shower?" "Shut up Flanders." Groans Summer. "Wait," says Fortuna. "How is that possible? Moxie isn't even married." "Who got her pregnant?" asks David. You twitch your fingers before coming clean. "Angus." Everyone is shocked and Meryl even drops her jaw into Flint's glass of beer before Flint quickly fishes it out to reattach it. "What?!" yells Meryl. Fiona looks the most upset and appears to be on the verge of tears herself, though given that she caught Fang cheating on her before the divorce, that was understandable.
Barbara Anne in response gave an angry growl. "That bastard!" "I thought it was kind of weird that the Oxnards' car kept breaking down every week." Said Fortuna as she angrily showed her fangs. "It would explain why the backseat looks like a Jackson Pollock." Says Penny. "Neil," says Taleela. "How long exactly has this been going on?" "I don't know for sure," you reply. "I only found out last year but even then it looked like they've been together a while." Colleen gives an angry growl as she scratches the side of the couch. "You mean to tell me, that bull has been cheating on his wife for freakin' years!?" Flint angrily breaks his glass in his hand. "And to think that's the guy me and the guys go fishing. I have half a mind to tear off his horns and shove them up his nose." "That goes double for me," says David as his eyes glow bright white. "What exactly does 19 years of marriage mean to him anyway!?" David punches the coffee table so hard it breaks in half, to Maggie's dismay. "Can't you take your angry out on something other than my furniture?!"
"Damn the furniture!" shouts a voice. It was Fiona to everyone's surprise and she was practically ready to have a mental breakdown. "What Angus did was a terrible sin." "That green crybaby is making sense for once," says Barbara. "We oughta run him and his secret family out of town." Jolene stood up and swung her handcuffs. "I say we lock him and Moxie up." "Jolene," says Irma. "Adultery isn't illegal. It's wrong but it's not a crime. We can't arrest them." "Killjoy!" yells Jolene in Irma's face.
"Oh my Greg Weisman," says Fortuna. "Something just occurred to me. It only takes a gremlin a few months for gestation. When the child..." "Children." Says David. "Excuse me?" asks Fortuna. "Think about it, Fortuna," says David. "Gremlins come from big families. There might be more than one baby." "Oh," says Flora. "That's even better. I hope it's twins." This time Summer holds her claws dangerously close to Flora's face. "Shut up Flanders!" "Sooner or later," says Penny. "Lily will find out and then she'll turn Angus into a steer."
"Sooner?!" yells Meryl. "The longer it goes on, the more pissed off Lily will be when the cat's out of the bag." "Excuse me?" asks Barbara Anne, slightly offended at that remark. "That's a bad idea, Meryl," says David. "That would be putting extra stress on an already unstable structure." "It's best we tell her now," says Fiona sadly. "Lest she find out for herself like I did." "I agree," says Colleen. "Fiona's a regular mess." Fiona lowers her head in sadness just as Isis wakes up and lets out a yawn.
"Should we tell her?" asks Penny. "Or shouldn't we? This is Lily we're talking about. Whoever tells her has to be somebody she'll listen to." "Looks like that means Maggie." Says Taleela. You and Maggie both look in surprise as the mummy woman rises. "After all, Maggie. You're the sheriff and her friend. You should break the news to her. Everyone else (except Isis) is in agreement and speaking amongst themselves as you look up and see Maggie biting her lip. "This can't possibly end well." You say.
The next day, you're at the salon being overseen by Prima and Atlanta as you're giving a massage to an overweight frilled werelizard woman and unintentionally causing her pain as you're so stressed out. You don't know how it could get worse when in walks...   indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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