My Personal Impression

This was interesting read, for sure. I've read many essays over the past few days about the environment, and it was quite refreshing to see your point of view on how technology is affecting the world.

Strengths

The tone in this was conversational and persuasive. There was no sense that you were demanding the reader to see your point of view, but rather a stating of opinion to show the reader how you feel and why. I got the sense that there was a touch of challenge for the reader to really think about it before passing a judgement.

I found this piece thought provoking on many levels. Not only hace the advancements in technology caused a surplus of pollutants in the air, but they have also created a laziness in the human population by creating too much convenience. I can see your point of view, and really, I can't disagree.

As a child, my family went on a rustic vacation every year where we had to fend for ourselves at a basic level. Until I hit about 13, I enjoyed it immensely. There was a great sense of satisfaction at the end of a long day of gathering firewood, fishing, cooking, etc. that we had worked as a unit to provide for our needs. This is something that most people I know wouldn't have a clue how to do.

There are so many things that we do everyday that include the use of technology, and so very few that do not. You have given many good points in this as examples, and I can find no fault in any of them. The structure was clean and easy to follow, and I found only a few suggestions which I have included below.

Suggestions

I am aware of the great capacity for good that technology posses...
I think the word 'posses' was meant to be 'poses' or 'possesses'. This word is used again in the following sentence. The reason I think this is because 'posses' actually refers to an armed band of men.

This simplistic life style taught our...
I believe 'life style' should be all one word: lifestyle.

But even more dangerous was that it instilled an idea, that man had dominance over the earth and all it's inhabitants.
The comma before 'that' is not necessary. It seems to stunt the flow of the sentence. Also, the word 'it's' should be 'its'. It's indicates 'it is' whereas its shows possession.

This selfish ideology now propels technology today as it used for personal advancement and war.
Consider removing 'today' since 'now' does a nice job of it already. Also, I believe there should be an 'is' after 'it'.

Today things haven't changed technology still creates a gap between us and the environment and even amongst ourselves.
Consider breaking this into two sentences. A full stop after 'Today things haven't changed' would give it more impact. Then start a new sentence with 'Technology'. See what you think.

Traditional relationships required us to be in person with these individuals forcing us to get to know them and learn about them.
Consider a comma after 'individuals' to smooth the flow a bit.

There is no greater teacher then experience.
I believe 'then' should be 'than'.

We should stop and reflect on the things that we need and the things that we want.
I think you could create a bigger impact on the reader if this was rephrased slightly. Consider: We should stop and reflect on the difference between want and need.

In Conclusion

I enjoyed reading this essay. The points made in it are important and thought provoking. Good work!

Thank you for posting your work and allowing me to comment on it. If you do not agree with my suggestions, that is just fine. They are definitely yours to do with what you wish.



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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .