Hi there Tadd ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing

Its Back...  (18+) Mr.Burns is haunted by the baby he killed, and he has to break the curse. #1970976 by Tadd

Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your stay with us. There are a lot of nice people here willing to help. If I can help or answer questions please feel free to ask me.

General Impressions Your story was interesting. You told it well. I get a feeling this is still a work in progress which is awesome. I will get into the why I got that impression below.

Favorite Parts Mr.Burns found Baby Boe's tombstone. Mr.burns whimpered, "I'm sorry," and destroyed the tombstone. There was a loud noise and a burst of light, then, the forest was silent. Just as Mr.Burns dragged his feet that-now felt like he was lifting weights with his toes-to the car, he heard the wind again. It told him, "Thank you." I picked this part because it was well written and describe an important point in the story in a great way.

Plot In reviewing how most of us figure out plot is we read the title and the description to see if they match. I then read the story and see if it had those elements. You followed your plot and did a good job on it.

Characters I had some trouble with Officer Beans some of the ways you brought him in the story such as the first part was confusing. At first I thought he was a prison guard and the story was taking place in the prison lunch room. I still have a problem with how he killed this baby under his rug babies make certain noises and every female and male will react to them a specific way it's part of a parents genetic make up. Even a grouchy old man would react in a very specific way to a crying baby. Believe me I know about this other wise our infant mortality rate would a one hundred times greater than what it is. Now if this infant was of a different species or not human than your story would make more sense.

Setting Your settings were great you didn't over describe them. I never had a problem knowing where I was at.

Dialog You did use the dialog well to advance the story and advance your plot.

Now the main reason I felt this was a work in progress is your ending I couldn't understand it what happened to make the man change so fast. Also what about the light that brought the sleazy officer to the house? What was that about? It seemed as if the ending was rushed and it really looks and reads that way. The other point is professionalism. Spacing, paragraph indents new lines for speech etc... Remember we are the pros. You always want your work to shine after all writers are artists of words. Now I know what a pain the uploading your work to this site can be. But you can use the save and edit or just click on the e-mail. Once it goes there click back to your portfolio and the edit button will appear on the static item.

Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story Whatever another person says -- especially me -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .