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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Hey Liz! I’m flattered that someone who writes as well as you do would request my thoughts. Thank you for the giftpoints, and I hope you feel they are well spent. Praise: ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I’d gush more about your skill and the things that you’ve done well, but I’m sure you know you’re a talented writer. On to the guts of it! Main Area of Improvement: The plot and twists were all a bit expected. You start out with seemingly innocent young twins. Then you introduce the death of the father under suspicious circumstances. When you get to “revealing their mother’s sewing pins” it get real dark real quick. It pretty much confirmed all the suspicions I had that they were involved in the father’s death. After that I felt less interested because I felt like I knew what was going to happen, from “I hope I don’t have to read about it when they torture the puppy” to “yep, that next door neighbour is so going to die.” I might have enjoyed the piece more if the mystery had been maintained throughout. For example, if we only learn about the twin’s actions from May and Julies observations. Like that movie (those movies?) where the main character is housebound and spying on their serial-killer neighbours. I think that’s a trope because the mystery works well. Technical Stuff: For the most part your grammar and punctuation was polished to a professional level. However, I did notice a couple things. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Portrayal of the Twins: At the very beginning, I struggled to get a fix on their personality. They answer the door with “mischievous glances” but are “wide-eyed and unnerved” by May. That seemed contradictory. After that, they’re pretty consistently innocent-in-public-but-privately-creepy. I did notice that Theo seemed more excitable and Maliana seemed more to-the-point, so you did get some differentiation in there. However, I felt like their personality besides being generic creepy twins could have been developed more, especially in those opening paragraphs. Overall: I feel like I wrote a lot more suggestions than praise, which is odd considering how much skill and experience you clearly have. I think it’s because you are so much closer to perfection than the pieces I normally review. So please don’t feel over-criticised! If you have a delicate ego, please give it a cookie and offer my comforts. It deserves to be proud as punch! And now I have to give you a star rating. I feel conflicted. The style and writing is easily five star quality. However, the predictability really did detract from the experience, and it just didn’t excite me as much as it could have. So… four stars. With the disclaimer that it was just this particular piece that didn’t do it for me, and that I should look through your portfolio to find something that more takes my fancy. I hope this review was what you were hoping for, or that parts of it were at least a bit helpful. Thank you for sharing! From RainbowFish. P.S. I had a look at some of your reviews to get an idea of what you might be looking for. I noticed you’d signed them “DayDreamBeliever.” ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
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