%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4399997 |
 | American Infidelity  [18+] A date doesn't go as expected  |
| (4.5)| Mastiff dropped by for a visit.   First impression: You done did it. If you got a guy with the O&B on, you're going to get a review!  The title hit me as a bit trite. Just because the actual words are overused. But we can see where it goes! Okay, a television show. I'm with you. Things That Might Make It Better: Just a nice edit. It's fun, and if you go back and wordsmith it, you'll have something nice. Things I Like:Perfect ending. Mechanics: I always try and do this, and even though I've been through the English wars, write grants and boring legal stuff, it's just my thoughts. Para. 1 Ln. 3:"and everything" can go without losing anything. Para. 3 Ln. 1: Period could work better than a comma. Para. 4 Ln. 1: Always best to spell out "okay" without a solid reason. Para. 36 Ln. 5 (I think): Ending a sentence wit... wit. I'm laughing too hard now to keep up. Email me back if you really want grammar stuff. :) Overall: You might consider a few more commas, but I'm a junkie, so take it with a grain of salt. Or, next edit break some long lines into shorter ones. Final Comments: I'm so glad I was too old for that TV stuff! Fun piece, whittle on it and it'll get even better.  
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 03/23/2018 @ 11:14am EDT