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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4630794
Review #4630794
Viewing a review of:
A Rising Star Member 🌟  [E]
This my first blog narrating my rising star experiences.
by Lurie Park
         Review for entry/chapter: "Coffee War
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Lurie Park,

This is the review of your Rising Stars September task, "Persuasive Dialog.


*Ball* *Watermelon* *Flipflops8* *Watermelon* *Ball* *Flipflops8* *Ball* *Watermelon* *Flipflops8* *Watermelon* *Ball*


*Flipflops2* General Comments:
Well, you know me and coffee! This was fun to read, but I think it could benefit from more details by expanding on the conversation.

It's apparent you understood the gist of the lesson and that's the whole point. These lessons are meant to introduce you to a variety of different techniques.

*Flipflops2* Technical Stuff:

Its not the right time to go.
It's, not Its

Do you how much calories it has?
Because 'calories' is plural, use many instead of much.

Yes I agree that it is not given in hospitals.
A comma is needed after the word yes and consider removing the word 'that'.

Yes, over drinking may become toxicating but you know that overdoing of anything is bad.
Consider these changes:
Yes, overdrinking coffee may be toxic but, you know that overdoing anything is bad.

It’s nothing about right or wrong man.
A comma is needed after the word wrong.

*Flipflops2* Conclusion:

Regarding the calories, a black cup of coffee has only five calories, lol.

Great job! One week left!!




*Heartp* *Coffeev* Kindest Regards, Lilli *Coffeev* *Heartp*

Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig



***Disclaimer***
The comments herein are just my humble opinions. Use whatever is useful; discard the rest. I'm not an editor, proof-reader, or any of the like. When I read and review, I am reading as a 'reader', to be entertained. You know your work better than anyone else! If I make a suggestion or a comment, it is meant in the spirit of 'helping' and I welcome the same when people review my work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/22/2021 @ 1:20am EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4630794