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Given: Feb 16, 2022 at 4:11pm
Length: 1,206 Characters |
1,107 w/o WritingML
Welcome to WDC Jamie! I am here with a review to celebrate you!
Wow! I enjoyed the clear vision you present here as you see a future with this partner just when you see her. Neat romantic idea!
I think the free verse works well for the sentimental theme and the repeated phrases emphasize well the idea of seeing the pictures of a future. The progression of images made sense and the twist at end where the poet is in hope of a return vision is evocative. It makes me hope for the same thing as the positive loving vision he imagines is lovely.
Your use of repeated sounds and some alliteration like "Washed by waves" and blushed..with bones" etc added a soundscape that assisted the free flow. I liked the cool ideas like the one of how she would take care of the children and the blushing. The way you begin with the description of being shyly looking with the "lashes" image.
You have really captured this experience in a clear way and the first line of the last verse showed a strong feeling of excitement. Thanks for sharing your gift.
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