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Review #4665273
Viewing a review of:
 The Listener (296 words) Open in new Window. [E]
Daily Flash Fiction entry: Dreaming big
by LouLearning Author Icon
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

The first line of your story is great. It really grips the reader right away, intrigues them, and entices them to read more. I also really liked the message of this story, about the power of being a good listener and how that can be applied in different ways.

The line, "Listening spread good feeling!" appears to be missing some words or phrasing to make it a complete sentence. Either "listening spread a good feeling" or "listening spreads good feelings" or something along those lines.

It also felt like the balance of the story was a little off. With very short flash fiction like DFFC entries where you only have 300 words to work with, every single word and sentence matters. I think a little too much time was dedicated to the earlier part of the story where the narrator is providing the anecdote about him first trying to be a good listener with his mother, when the real heart of the story is the time spent with Jim and him encouraging the narrator to use his gift elsewhere. I would suggest finding a way to streamline that initial setup so that you can devote more of this story to the relationship with Jim and the narrator's subsequent decision to be a doctor, so those elements don't feel so rushed at the end.


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