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Review #4665282
Viewing a review of:
 A Dip in Darkness Open in new Window. [E]
A short story about a man in a cafe. Probably horror-ish (Not quite sure).
by Megalodon Author Icon
Review of A Dip in Darkness  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
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This was a compelling story. The setting was well established and the phenomena that occurs is instantly engaging as the reader tries to figure out what's going on. It was a great setup for a compelling story.

The middle of the story started to feel a little repetitive with person after person disappearing into the void. The story could have used some variety or increasing stakes in this second act to make it feel like the stakes were increasing rather than just staying the same as one person after another suffers the same fate.

I would recommend some kind of arc for either the story or the protagonist. I think you have have an ambiguous narrative with a character who changes, or a character who stays the same with a narrative that changes, but when both the story and the characters essentially end up right back where they started with nothing having changed, it's difficult to draw anything from the experience of reading the story. I'd recommend some sort of change or transformation take place on some front, as the result of this strange phenomena.

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