Hi,

I came across your item, liked what I read and would like to share my thoughts about it.



This is the next review coming from me and







Plot: Clyde has to smuggle something very rare, and very forbidden, into the teeny country of Grosenwitz. Unfortunately, he's not very creative. Bonnie helps.



Style/Voice: 1st person, Clyde



Setting: a long journey through Africa, the Mediterranean and France up to the destination. Desert, sea, mountains. The place where Clyde rests, no details.



Characters:


Clyde's problem is that he obviously doesn't do what he's about to do very often and therefore doesn't prepare adequately. He knows close to nothing about his "product" (always a mistake) and therefore risks being found out immediately. Also his choice of car and clothing indicates that he neither knows what he's doing nor is from the place. Of course, it sucks to have it told right in the face. But he's a good sport. Instead of taking offense, he listens to and learns from his unexpected collaborator. Secretly he probably is even grateful that they met. And not only because of the "mission".


Bonnie is an employee in the border town's B&B. She immediately sniffs out her newest guest's intentions when serving him breakfast the next morning. She's obviously familiar with the involved "product" and involved country and honestly perplexed how her guest can be that naive about his "mission". So good-hearted soul her decides to help him. He's nice, not offended by her direct manner, which might play into it as well. She's all out on a day of fun, away from small town life, and earning a nice batz on the way, too.



Grammar: Beware! Below I've pointed out, corrected things and made suggestions based on how I would've put things. However, I'm ESL, so you might not agree with everything.


Don't mind me , I'm just being an a*** nitpicker, like every decent German. )


The best coffee beans in the world are Tanzanian Peabodyies (...) in the shade atof Mt. Kilimanjaro.

(...) is that they’reit's made (...) See Grosenwitz,(no comma) is snuggled up against (...)

(...) some of these pPeabodies from Mt. Kilimanjaro.

Then I hopPed a barge (...)

(...) Groisy, France was the next town overnext / closest to the border (...) and stayed overnight(comma) taking my (...)

(...) leave the pPeabodies by themselves.

“You have pPeabodies (...)

(...) know I have pPeabodies?”

She wavedwagged her finger. (...) into Grosenwitz like that(comma) are you?”

(...) smell those pPeabodies up close (...)

She paused,(period) (...) catch those pPeabodies.

(...) cans marked as medical supplies.

“Perfume?” Sshe suggested.

(...) the blue PeugEot.”

I ate my breakfast and got dressed. (...) I wolfed down my food and (...). Repetitive.

(...) the next 195 kilometers waswere hell. We climbed up a mountain switchback after switchback (...) No wonder why no one traveled (...)

(...) and waved us on by.




Personal Opinion: This was a VERY entertaining story revolving around not only my *COUGHLilli - Coffee Elf ☕ 🎄 COUGH* fave beverage.

Of course it lived from Clyde's "suboptimal" planning. I mean a PEUGEOT 380 – not only storing the "prey" in that sardine can, but passing mountains in it? (And some other strikes of genius.)

I also liked how you kind of reversed the damsel-in-distress-theme by it being Bonnie saving the day. Of course the reference wasn't lost on me, and it was nice to see that they got a more appropriate ending in this story.

Like every decent American, you also warped geography. (Nigeria was WAY out of the... well, way.) Then again, with the position of Grosenwitz you were really spot on. I mean there's Liechtenstein between Switzerland and Austria, and Andorra between France and Spain. You positioned it just perfectly.

BUT, concerning geography: maybe I'm the only one who'll tell you this (for reasons), but "Grosenwitz" sounds suspiciously like "großer Witz" which means "Big Joke" in German. Coincidence?

Anyway, thank you for sharing this caffeine-pregnant story and causing me some hearty laughs on a grey day.



Don't forget that I'm just someone voicing her opinion. You know best what's best for your story / piece.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .