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Review #4827013
Viewing a review of:
 One Sunny Day Open in new Window. [E]
Two guys have a job to do. Flash Fiction under 300 words.
by LoneWolf Author Icon
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#4827013
Review of One Sunny Day  Open in new Window.
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
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*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Two men have a job to drain a pool and (I think?) refill it. I would clarify if they needed to refill it.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

The story had a good opening.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the 3rd person limited from Rick's perspective. Past tense is used in the story.

*Star*DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration. If anything, I might suggest a minor edit for dialogue tags. The following sentence is missing a quotation mark before *when* :
"Phil," Rick called, when the pool is empty, turn the water on," Phil waved in response.

*Star*OPENING PARAGRAPH

The opening paragraph engaged the reader and caught their interest.


*Star*CHARACTERS

Rick and Phil have to drain a pool. I wasn't quite if they were responsible for filling it, but I got that impressions. I wasn't sure if they were 2 teenagers just horsing around or 2 guys who were responsible for the pool's maintenance. I'd like to see that defined, if possible.


*Star*FLOW & PACING

The flow and pacing was a bit choppy. I think there's a moment that's met to be a bit comical but it doesn't quite fit the rest of the story.

*Star*MECHANICS

I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. My only suggestion here, and it's minor and a matter of style - maybe increase the font a little to make it easier on the eyes to read on WDC.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The title fits the story.

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/27/2025 @ 8:38am EDT
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