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Review #4827013
Viewing a review of:
 One Sunny Day Open in new Window. [E]
Two guys have a job to do. Flash Fiction under 300 words.
by LoneWolf Author Icon
Review of One Sunny Day  Open in new Window.
Review by SpookyBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Two men have a job to drain a pool and (I think?) refill it. I would clarify if they needed to refill it.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

The story had a good opening.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the 3rd person limited from Rick's perspective. Past tense is used in the story.

*Star*DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration. If anything, I might suggest a minor edit for dialogue tags. The following sentence is missing a quotation mark before *when* :
"Phil," Rick called, when the pool is empty, turn the water on," Phil waved in response.

*Star*OPENING PARAGRAPH

The opening paragraph engaged the reader and caught their interest.


*Star*CHARACTERS

Rick and Phil have to drain a pool. I wasn't quite if they were responsible for filling it, but I got that impressions. I wasn't sure if they were 2 teenagers just horsing around or 2 guys who were responsible for the pool's maintenance. I'd like to see that defined, if possible.


*Star*FLOW & PACING

The flow and pacing was a bit choppy. I think there's a moment that's met to be a bit comical but it doesn't quite fit the rest of the story.

*Star*MECHANICS

I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. My only suggestion here, and it's minor and a matter of style - maybe increase the font a little to make it easier on the eyes to read on WDC.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The title fits the story.

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/27/2025 @ 8:38am EDT
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