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 Review #4830575 |
 | Impatients  [E] Daily flash fiction entry for 8/18/2025  |
| (5.0)| Greetings, Sox! I'm here for I Write 2025  Ahh, we have here a thoroughly depressing and unfortunately all too relatable story. Who hasn't felt the frustration of missing the breakfast deadline by two minutes? The temptation to take it out on the cashier is strong, especially when one is hangry. As a neurodivergent person, I honestly much prefer using the kiosk or the mobile app than speaking to a human. Yet the technological hoops one has to jump through have their complications as well. There's nothing quite as awful as losing money on a technical glitch. All the big stuff is done nicely here: font size, three relevant genres, prompt info, word count, etc. I'll just point out a few refining twiddles you may want to consider. First, is the title correct? Are you perhaps conflating impatience and "impatient people?" Or is that intentional? Then, the word "finally" is used twice within three sentences, which isn't recommended. Then, at the end, the word "going" is used twice in the same sentence. You may want to reframe these for a more refined prose. Ok, I'm done nitpicking  Great work! You've captured an instantly recognizable moment, and I sympathize for your characters.Oh, best wishes for that ramp  I don't know what to say to help. You're in my prayers  Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/20/2025 @ 11:07am EDT