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 Review #4831629 |
| Greetings and welcome to writing.com! The first thing I want to get out of the way is your formatting. It looks like you uploaded a Word doc file, and it got rather askew in the transmission. What we usually do here is copy our text and paste it directly into the text entry box, and run italics, font size and such through the proprietary markup language. This way you can control paragraph breaks, excess spacing and such. Rather than a hashtag for scene breaks, you can use {center}***{/center}, which looks sleek  For all the secrets of WML, check out the "writing.com tools" link on the left sidebar and click on "Writing ML: Docs and Help."Now, the exciting part: what I think of your story! I think it's great, combining humor and eeriness to craft a tale that is rooted in reality yet spins us off on a fantastic ride through a small town in Texas. We grow fond of Tom and his playfulness when he discovers his invisibility, and chuckle as he innocently terrorizes his neighbors. I'm a little puzzled about how he managed to keep his wallet dry even though the entire truck was rendered invisible...  I suppose that can be creative license, as he couldn't "steal" the noodles, and invisible money would be useless to everyone. Also, can we see the food once he finishes eating it? And the idea of that smashed truck lying around forever sounds quite unnervingly hazardous... The concept of invisibility creates so many weird questions...Speaking of weird questions, I just started thinking about the old classic, The Invisible Man. I always thought that was such a depressing, meaningless story, and I'm really glad you made yours wholesome and happy while still capturing a surreal vibe. I mean, think how close Tom was to getting shot at by the cop when he played the basketball trick  Everything about this story was fun: the characters, the situations, the tension, the looming question of what would happen long-term, the relief when Tom "rebaptizes" himself in that mud puddle... I wish I could offer some substantial advice on improvement, something on a grainier level, but it's the end of a long day and I can't think of anything other than "great job." It was a relaxing read, although perhaps I was a little impatient as Tom went around scaring people like a goofball  You may want to reconsider the word count; I popped it into a word counter and came out with over 6,000. You should be aware that the Official WdC Contests allow only a 2,000 word limit. 6k is considered rather overlong around here, as over the years we have shifted away from being more of a novel workshop kind of site to a largely short form site. I guess you could say we've gone the way of social media sites like Twitter... Soundbites and attention spans, you know  Other than that, it was great, and I'm glad to have found it. Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/28/2025 @ 8:46am EDT