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Review #4834364
Viewing a review of:
 
Fragile Skin Open in new Window. [E]
This is a poem written for my character (once again lol)
by PinkLime Author Icon
Review of Fragile Skin  Open in new Window.
Review by Jayne Doe Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, PinkLime!

Overall Impression
This poem immediately conveys vulnerability and intimacy, and I like how it strikes a vivid contrast between sweetness and defense. It feels honest and raw.

Form, Rhythm, Cadence, Style
Good call with the free-verse. It works well to let emotion flow naturally. Using the sentence structure runs the risk of looking like you simply broke up some prose, but your line breaks are purposeful and highlight the vulnerability of the speaker, and do an excellent job of controlling the pacing of the poem. The way you take the honey metaphor to the imagery of armor is very striking.

There is a great tension between closeness and destruction here. I like the plain plea of "please don't leave," but it is also the one spot that feels a bit basic compared to the rest of the poem. You could consider implementing the thought with something that linked back to your previous imagery for more 'oomph' in the last two lines. That said, it's a stylistic opinion on my part, so there's nothing inherently wrong with the way you wrote it.

Grammar and Mechanics
I have no major suggestions here. Both the grammar and mechanics are solid, and there are no distractions.

Although this poem stands well on its own, your description says it is about your character—if you have a bio/story of your character, you might consider linking it somewhere so readers can see who it's about.

Final Thoughts
I love the vulnerability and vivid contrasts of fragility/strength. It's a very memorable and engaging poem.


Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayne Doe Author Icon*Smile*

My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.


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