Hello,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I think you did a great job laying out a compelling and heartbreaking situation, and showing how the initial approach and desire for retribution and punishment eventually gave way to a better understanding of both your character's own situation and the situation of the others who have impacted his life. I once heard someone say that carrying around resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it hurts the other person, and you did a good job of capturing this sentiment where worrying about what happens to other people can be an all-consuming and really unhealthy approach to life.


Suggestions

Toward the end of the story when the confrontation with the bullies is brought up, the phrasing of the narrative tended to clump all of them together, implying that all of them had each been to prison, lost a girlfriend, been rejected by society, etc. I would suggest reworking this section to individualize it a little more, explaining how individual negative things happened to individual bullies, rather than grouping them all together in a very specific, very nuanced narrative that feels a little strange to have uniformly happened to every single one of the narrator's antagonists.


Overall

Overall, I thought this was an entertaining read with a great moral lesson and a lot of nuance. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Sincerely,

Jeff
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .