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I have never seen snow and do not know what winter means. —Duke Kahanamoku
A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water. —Carl Reiner
Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery. —Bill Watterson
I'm fully aware that Earth is a) round; b) tilted; and c) chaotic. And yet, living in the laughably-named "temperate" zone of the Northern Hemisphere, and it being January, it's time for me to complain about snow.
But I was deprived. I put off doing this editorial until the promised two feet of snow, followed by a massive crunchy layer of ice, materialized over the weekend.
Spoiler: it did not.
Normally, I'd say this is a good thing. But, in this case, after getting a few inches of snow and a day's worth of freezing rain, I can't help but feel cheated. Because I had this long, epic rant about the weather prepared in my head, and what did I get? Something fairly typical for a January in Virginia.
Don't get me wrong. Even a tiny bit of snow sucks. Layer some ice on top of that, and the suction only increases. But this time, at least, my area got off easy, at least compared to what last week's weather reports warned of. Sure, it's supposed to be sub-freezing all week, so the nasty is going to stick around. And yet, I can open my house's doors. Not that I'm going to. But I could, if I wanted.
So, instead, I'm here complaining about not being able to complain. Completely meta, I know!
Other places in the US got it worse, I know. But what do I care? I don't live in those other places; I live here.
"But, Waltz, if you hate the cold and the snow, why don't you move to where there isn't cold and snow?" Well, let's just say those places have their own issues. Every time something like this happens, some smug ass from Southern California reminds me that it's 70°F in Los Angeles right now.
I'm just waiting for the next earthquake, mudslide, and/or wildfire there so I can be the smug one for once.
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Last time, in "Starting Over" , I talked about New Year's resolutions.
JCosmos: I like this snarky attitude of yours. My resolutions tend to be more aspirational than anything else and I generally achieve them.
Ah, it seems you have cracked the code.
And that's it for me for January! See you next month. Until then,
LAUGH ON!!!
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Comedy: January 28, 2026 Issue [#13568]
