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February is for curmudgeons, whinge-bags, and misanthropes. You can't begrudge us one month of the year or blame us for being even crabbier, it's so short. There is nothing good about it, which is why it's so great.
—Lionel Shriver
The most serious charge which can be brought against New England is not Puritanism but February.
—Joseph Wood Krutch
I love any excuse to come to New York - when it's not February.
—K. A. Applegate
February used to be the last month of the year.
This is why it's shorter, and is used for leap years: at one point, in ancient Rome, it was just kind of the make-up month before the year started again in March, a month that really only sucked for Julius Caesar, and then, only once. It varied a lot more in length, year-to-year. This is because Romans sucked at math. You'd suck at math too (even worse than you already do) if you had to do it with Roman numerals, so no shame there.
There's still evidence for this older calendar system: September, October, November, and December use the prefixes associated with 7, 8, 9, and 10, not the ones corresponding to their number in the Gregorian calendar.
All of which is to say that February sucks.
I mean, sure, you have Groundhog Day. That can be fun. But it's over and done when you still have most of this horrid month stretching out before you in an endless ribbon that belies its technical shortness. Here in the laughingly-named temperate regions of the Northern Hemisphere, it's just as nasty, dreary, and cold as December, only without all the fake cheer and blinky lights and the pretense that snow is anything but a pain in the ass.
And then there's Valentine's Day, about which the less said, the better. As with the calendar itself, I prefer Rome's original version, Lupercalia.
Worst of all though, February brings that annual reminder that I have fewer years ahead of me than behind.
February sucks so bad that I couldn't even come up with a decent topic for this week's Comedy newsletter, so instead you get one of my calendar rants. At least I tried to make it funny.
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My last newsletter, "Weather... or Not." , talked about (duh) the weather. Which is, admittedly, a generally boring topic.
So that's it for me for this horrid month. See you in March! Until then,
LAUGH ON!!!
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Comedy: February 25, 2026 Issue [#13614]
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