Saying Sorry Editor: Kit 
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What is the silliest thing you've ever said 'sorry' for? Some people find it easier to apologize than others.
Even in cultures where apologies are encouraged for the slightest thing, saying sorry for the big stuff can be difficult. Still, holding yourself accountable is important.
This week's Spiritual Newsletter, then, is all about apologizing.
Kit |
Sorry, this newsletter isn't about any particular religion or faith. It's about apologizing, and how to respond when someone tells you they're sorry.
I live in Britain, so I naturally say sorry a lot. I want to get past a group of people chatting in the doorway of a supermarket? Sorry. Someone accidentally stands on my toes? Sorry. We're a nation of people who apologize for anything and everything, regardless of whether or not it's our fault. That doesn't make the big apologies any easier though. The ones where you know you really messed up. It's especially difficult when the other person has hurt you, too. No matter the culture, saying sorry can be tough.
I'm not someone who likes to argue. I studiously avoid drama. I never raise my voice, let alone shout at people. That's not to say that I can't be moody. Of course there are times when I am. I'm not a morning person at all, and I have my moments. I've also had my share of communication mishaps, and general irritability. I always feel bad afterward, and I will apologize.
It's harder when someone has been horrible to me. It's even worse when they refuse to apologize for their actions. I know a woman who, whenever she has the slightest disagreement with someone, will just stop talking with that person. The expectation is that the other person will seek contact again, and apologize, and to let slide what was said or done to them in turn. I've had a few incidents like that, and I did apologize to keep the peace. The last time, however, we didn't speak for about a year and a half because I truly didn't think I'd done anything wrong and I figured if they wanted me in their life they'd have to be the one to reach out this time. In the end, they did, but then they said they'd expected me to get in touch long before then and make things right. I still didn't say sorry, and neither did she, and whilst we're talking again I am cautious, because I know that contact can easily be dropped again. It's how she is, I guess, even though I don't understand why apologizing is that difficult for her.
It's simple, isn't it, generally speaking? You make a mistake, take accountability for it, and apologize. When necessary, you make things right. Then you learn from it and do your best not to make the same mistake again. We all mess up sometimes. Say the wrong words, do the wrong thing. Nobody's flawless. I doubt anyone goes through life without every hurting someone's feelings. There are so many times I messed up without meaning to. I'm clumsy, and have accidentally broken objects. I can be socially awkward. So I apologize, and try to make things right, and learn from it.
It feels like some people believe that it's a weakness to apologize. They see it as shameful. I don't agree with that. Taking accountability for your own actions is the right thing to do. It's not always easy. It can take strength, and courage. It shows others that you're reliable, and trustworthy. Because everyone knows that mistakes happen - we're only human - and I'd trust someone way more if they acknowledged when something went wrong than if they lie, deny, shift the blame or refuse to accept fault in any way.
A hard lesson to learn is that saying sorry doesn't mean that the person you've wronged has to forgive you. Acknowledging your faults does not create an obligation on the other end to just move on. When I was a teenager, I was attacked by a neighbourhood gang and left pretty awfully injured. Years later I happened to bump into the person who'd been the youngest member of that gang and they took the opportunity to apologize for their involvement. I respected that, but that didn't mean I was suddenly okay with them. Hopefully they did genuinely feel sorry and created a better life for themselves, but I still wouldn't want to be friends with them. Likewise, there have been a couple of times when I hurt people's feelings, apologized, and they weren't okay with me. I have a bad habit of retreating into my own shell, my own little world for periods of time and I know that makes me not the best kind of friend. I do genuinely care about my friends, but I am not always as available as I should be. I understand that that wasn't something they wanted to cope with.
Even if the other person doesn't forgive us, or if they forgive us but no longer wish to be a part of our life, apologizing is the right thing to do. That is, if it is a genuine apology. You have to mean it, have to have done that reflection and actually feel it - especially for the big stuff. Even if the outcome isn't what you'd hoped for it may still make the person you wronged feel better that you acknowledged that wrong. And it can help you, too, knowing that yes, you did wrong, but you've taken that first step towards doing better.
I believe it does help with that. Whenever I have reflected on my mistakes, apologized and done my best to fix what needed fixing, it's helped me on my journey to become a better person. There are some mistakes I'll definitely never make again. Other issues I still struggle with. I am far from perfect, and have a long way to go. Who knows though... I might get there, one apology at a time.
Wishing you a wonderful week,
Kit |
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The Spiritual Newsletter Team
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Spiritual: June 03, 2026 Issue [#13777]
