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This edition of the Comedy newsletter where I, Adore lol♥, am a guest editor and we will take a comedic look at life with a snobby animal. You know the type I will discuss because an animal, whether male or female, cat or dog, this pet will continually make your life overly hard but you just love them to pieces.
This animal will require you to cook special foods, desire pet toys that you don't own for them and if you don't get what they want, your life just becomes harder. You find yourself accommodating them because they are the light of your eyes. They are the thing that completes your world. If you understand what this newsletter is talking about, then this edition is for you. |
If you’ve ever adopted a pet under the innocent assumption that you were bringing home a normal creature—one who would happily lick peanut butter off a spoon, chase a sock, and eat whatever fell off your plate—this newsletter is for you.
Because some of us, dear reader, were tricked. Hoodwinked. Bamboozled.
We thought we were adopting a lovable little mutt or a scruffy rescue cat. Instead, we brought home a four‑legged aristocrat with the dietary expectations of a Michelin‑starred food critic and the grooming schedule of a Hollywood starlet preparing for the Oscars.
Welcome to this month’s Writing.com Comedy Newsletter from Adore lol♥, and I'm a guest editor where we explore the joys, sorrows, and existential crises of living with a pet who is, frankly, fancier than we are.
It was the day you realized your pet was… different. It always starts small.
Maybe you tried to give them a piece of chicken from your dinner plate. A normal pet would inhale it so fast you’d question whether the chicken ever existed. But your pet?
Your pet sniffs it. Then squints. Then gives you a look that says, “I’m sorry… is this… unseasoned?”
You try again. A little piece of cheese. A nibble of ham. A leftover meatball.
Nope. Your pet backs away like you’ve offered them a tax bill.
This is the moment you realize that you have not adopted a pet. You have adopted a culinary snob in a fur coat.
Before this pet, your grocery list was simple:
It was some bread, milk (okay, almond milk, geez!), some eggs and whatever was on sale.
Now your list looks like you’re preparing a tasting menu for a royal banquet:
• Free-range organic chicken thighs
• Wild-caught salmon (but only from the “good” brand)
• Grain-free, gluten-free, guilt-free kibble
• Freeze-dried duck medallions
• Goat milk (???)
• A probiotic powder that costs more than your own vitamins
And heaven forbid you run out of the artisanal pâté they’ve decided is the only acceptable breakfast.
You’ll find yourself in the pet food aisle at 9:58 PM, clutching a can of “Venison & Pumpkin Entrée,” whispering, “Please let this be the right flavor… please…”
You used to think a pet bath was simple:
Water. Soap. Towel. Done. But your snobby pet? Oh no.
Your pet requires the pre-wash detangling spray, a shampoo that smells like lavender and financial ruin with Acai fruit for balance and the conditioner that must sit for exactly five minutes. I've never kept to these rules but you must for your pet and it's wild! lol
The list just continues with the paw balm, the nose balm, the tail balm (why is this a thing?), the blowout (now, this does make them look SOOO adorable,right?) and the finishing spritz but the grooming doesn't stop there.
There are brushes. Combs. Special combs. Combs for the combs.
You’ve become the personal stylist to a creature who sleeps 18 hours a day and rolls in dirt for fun.
Let’s talk about the vibe. Your pet walks around the house like they own stock in it.
They sit on the couch like they’re judging the thread count. They look at your outfit like they’re wondering if you got dressed in the dark.
And the way they stare at you when you eat. (Ugh, just WHAAT are you putting in there?) Their eyes look at you. Not with longing. Not with hunger. But with disappointment.
Then, there’s the toys. They have so many toys. Toys with feathers. Toys with bells. Toys that squeak. Toys that cost more than your childhood bicycle.
Your pet ignores all of them. Instead, they choose to play in the box the toy came in. Or knock around a pen cap or wrangle at a single piece of lint.
But the $29.99 hand-stitched ethically sourced alpaca wool mouse? Absolutely not. No way buddy.
You bought them a bed. A nice bed. A bed with memory foam and orthopedic support and a removable washable cover. They slept in it once. Then they decide their new preferred sleeping locations are on top of your pillow, inside of your folded laundry, the one chair you actually like, or the cardboard box you were about to recycle. But the expensive bed? It now serves as a decorative accent piece.
The normal pet goes to the vet for shots and checkups. Your pet goes to the vet like they’re attending a spa retreat. You walk in and the staff greets your pet by name. Your pet gets a warm towel. Your pet gets a treat platter. Your pet gets compliments on their coat, their posture, their “energy.”
You? You get the bill.
Eventually, you stop fighting it. What is the use of fighting what is inevitable.
You stop trying to feed them leftovers. You stop trying to buy cheap shampoo. You stop pretending you’re in charge.
Because the truth is your snobby pet has standards. Very high ones. And you… well… you love them.
You love their dramatic sighs. You love their offended expressions. You love the way they strut around like a tiny monarch. You love the ridiculousness of it all.
And deep down, you know the truth: You didn’t adopt a regular pet. You adopted a diva. A gourmet. A connoisseur. A furry little aristocrat who has chosen you as their loyal attendant.
And honestly?
Life is funnier this way.
If your pet has ever rejected a perfectly good snack, demanded a heated blanket, or acted like the vacuum cleaner is beneath them, congratulations—you’re living the comedy goldmine that is the Snobbish Pet Lifestyle.
Wear it proudly. Laugh often. And remember:
You may buy the food, clean the bowls, fluff the bed, and schedule the grooming…
…but in your pet's eyes, you’re still the lucky one.
Until next time, keep writing, keep laughing, and keep spoiling those ridiculous little royalty members you call pets.
Adore lol♥ |
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Comedy: June 10, 2026 Issue [#13783]
