Rude Animals: Roll Call Editor: Adore Viking fever lol 
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I thought that, as a guest editor, for this Comedy edition, it might be fun to toss this little idea into the newsletter and see how readers respond. I wanted to list a top ten animals who I thought are rude—based purely on experience, recency, and random interactions.
Remember, this is comedy, not science, so please keep your lab coats and clipboards at home.
I’m simply curious to see how everyone ranks these and what kind of chaos, debate, or giggles it might spark. After all, half the joy of a community newsletter is watching what happens when we shake the snow globe a little. |
For this edition of the Comedy newsletter, where I"m a guest editor, I thought we'd tackle a question of whose the rudest animal out of a manageable number, like 10 animals we're familiar with and just look at them for giggles.
So, with that said, I still hope you find my tame humor that might give a few tender hearts a slight chuckle (and that's all I can muster, mind you), and you can enjoy this edition of the Comedy newsletter from Adore lol♥.
“Rude Animals: Roll Call”
Hello, my delightful Writing.com Comedy readers and seasoned giggle‑collectors. This Comedy newsletter, where I’m a guest editor, we'll tackles a glaring thought that has plagued philosophers, poets, and probably at least three bored zookeepers:
If we had to line up a group of around ten different animals from various sections of life, which ones would we say were the rudest, though we really like them, love them, enjoy seeing them, etc., this doesn't necessarily affect the fact that they can be rude or a diva (for a nicer) sounding term?
Now, I know what you’re thinking — “Adore, surely animals are sweet and innocent!”
No. Absolutely not. Some of them are walking attitude problems wrapped in fur, feathers, or questionable slime.
Let’s explore these various animals in their bodily coverings of feathers, fur, scales,
1. Cats — The Obvious Choice, but Let’s Be Honest
We have to start here. Cats already communicate with us through a combination of judgmental stares, slow blinks of superiority, and knocking things off counters just to assert dominance.
If they could talk, they’d be the type to say:
“Oh, you’re sitting there? Cute. Move.”
Or:
“You call that a meal? I’ve seen better in the trash.”
Cats would not only be rude — they’d be professionally rude. They’d have degrees in sarcasm. They’d host seminars titled “How to Disappoint Your Human in 10 Easy Steps.”
2. Swans — The Elegant Jerks of the Pond
Swans look graceful, but don’t let the feathers fool you. These birds wake up every morning and choose violence.
If they could talk, they’d be the HOA presidents of the animal kingdom.
“Excuse me, this is a private lake. You’re lowering the property value.”
They’d hiss insults like they’re auditioning for a reality show.
3. Goats — Agents of Chaos
Goats don’t even need words to be rude. They head‑butt people for sport. They climb on cars. Or the Argan tree climbing Moroccan goats They scream like toddlers who missed naptime.
If goats could talk, they’d be the loud friend who interrupts every conversation with:
“HEY. LOOK AT ME."
"NO, LOOK AT ME MORE.”"
You’d try to look, they’d get miffed at the WAY you looked WHILE looking their way, and then, BLAM, goat punched by horns.
No winning there.
4. Seagulls — The Thieves With No Shame
Seagulls would be the rudest and the most unapologetic.
They’d steal your fries, your sandwich, your dignity — and then yell at you for being upset. The other day while out at jobsite, I watched a few seagulls and a larger gull hanging out. I almost shared some leftover fries with them but then I remembered that I didn’t have enough for their hungry beaks.
Once you start feeding them, they mark you and your vehicle. And I’m not here visiting a vacation town…I live in the vacation town. They'd remember me because of my kindness...yeah right! lol
Phew! Thinking through before acting on my feelings saved the day again but they are funny, once you get away and are covered lol!
5. Monkeys — The Pranksters Who Take It Too Far
Monkeys already throw things that should never be thrown. If they could talk, they’d narrate it.
“Heads up, buddy. Incoming.”
They’d also roast you nonstop.
“Nice haircut. Did you lose a bet?”
Monkeys would be the comedians of the animal world — but the kind who get banned from open mic night for going too hard.
6. Iguana— The Passive‑Aggressive Sitter
Iguanas won't yell. They won't be domesticated and they need a large enclosure just for them to sit and sun bathe in. Your job is to always feed, always clean that cage out and deal with their irritated attitude when they don't like what you've put in their cage to eat.
I had a friend with a pet iguana. She named him Dave and Dave was unpredictable with her. Sometimes, he'd just stay immobile. Others, he'd get more animated (I say this tongue in cheek) than the other times. It always drove her to tears but she loved this reptile.
I never got it. I had fishes, dogs and cats, oh, and a shared hamster cage with my brothers when we were young. But an iguana not my choice and with their inhospitable demeanor, well, they're up there on my rude list.
7. Hamsters — Tiny Bodies, Big Attitude
Hamsters look cute, but they run on wheels like they’re training for a marathon they’ll never attend. They bite fingers. They escape cages. They judge your life choices from behind their beady little eyes.
If they could talk, they’d be the tiny tyrants of the pet world.
“Clean my cage."
"No, not like that."
"Ugh."
"Humans.”
But what else can they do but deal with us, even though they wouldn't if it were their call.
8. Roosters — The Morning Menaces
Roosters already scream at sunrise like they’re announcing the end of the world.
If they could talk, they’d be even worse.
“Wake up! It’s 4:12 AM and I’m feeling dramatic!”
If the rooster starts beating his wings or the rooster's hackles on his feathers flare to make him look bigger, and it's time to be elsewhere.
If he starts to do the chicken dance, don't try to join in, just doh see doh to the right and exit cause a fight has definitely begun.
We've gone from being rude to WWE and we've got "to bring it down"... (like Spongebob said on "Band Geeks" episode 15, season 2.
9. Wolverine— The Solitary Rebuffers
Wolverines would circle around seemingly at 70 miles per hour and every movement would feel rude. Wolverines would make awful pets, as they have never been domesticated. They have this incurable hunting instinct that is always on. If you set down food for them, the fact that you're in their territory placing the food down puts you in immediate danger. Any other animal human or thing is considered either prey or hunter, and they're always ready for the fight.
They've got access to supernatural strength beyond their size and have powerful jaws that can crush moose bones. So, we'll just let them be rude somewhere else, okay? And lastly...
10. Camels — The Grumpy Desert Divas
Camels already spit on people. That’s their baseline.
If they could talk, they’d be the sarcastic aunt of the animal kingdom.
“Oh, you’re tired? I carried a merchant caravan for 12 hours in 110‑degree heat. Now top that, you lazy bum. And you know what I'd do. Nuthin. Nothing at all. Cause they're right about me but that still doesn't make them less rude, so there! lol
So Who Wins the Title of Rudest?
Honestly? It’s a tie between:
• Cats (weaponized arrogance) They have to be the worst since so many of us have them in our homes, or have seen them in someone else's home and have cat encounters, it's obvious who is the top diva.
• Seagulls (shameless theft) These guys are so crazy. They are so loud with only ONE thing on the mind (YOUR FOOD by any means necessary) and I crazily had the idea to let them think I had any food particle near them. Phew! Thank goodness that was quashed fast! lol
• Goats (chaotic energy) Awww, c'mon, they are the most short tempered out of the group but they're so cute too!
But the truth is, every species has at least one member who would absolutely roast us if given the chance.
And maybe that’s why it’s a good thing animals can’t talk. Some of us are barely surviving human sarcasm — imagine adding a chorus of judgmental squirrels to the mix.
So, this list will probably get dissected but it's what my limited mind could muster for this offering but hope you enjoyed it anyway.
Till next time guys...keep smiling♥ |
Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form
Welcome to this edition of the Comedy newsletter and I'm a guest editor adding the fun parts: the Ask and Answer section of this newsletter. I'd like to begin by first saying that I'm not usually a Comedy newsletter editor but I'm trying to be more "present" in my guest newsletters since it seems the content is manifesting unexpected feedback.
With this said, I am going back to the two Comedy issues I was a guest editor in that had feedback but I neglected to see  it was there. It's getting its flowers this edition and just know I WILL check even if I don't put a question to see if there is feedback.
Now, from Feb. 18th issue I thought it would be fun to spotlight the "FUN" experience when trying to write (or live) with a new puppy, kitten or any new family member those first 90 days will wear you out. We had a kind reader Wannabe   whose memory was jogged with this wonderful submission:
I must say your newsletter was most entertaining, still laughing as I write this. Six months ago, I got a new 8-week-old puppy; she was the firstborn, the runt of the litter, and to be quite honest, she chose me. She was just so darn cute. My daughter went with me and the puppy that I thought I had wanted from the pictures picked her. It was not her intention to get a puppy, but she was also so darn cute. Needless to say, I have the golden child who allows me to come and go and has not chewed a thing, and the perfect writing buddy. My daughter's puppy, on the other hand, is best described in your newsletter. Thanks for the laughs and great newsletter.
I just want to thank you for this wonderful feedback...it was so much fun coming up with the idea and to see that it worked, is so great! You will get a MB for your feedback dear.
Another reader, a very great writer here at WDC and community supporter Jim  provided this for the Feb. 18th issue:
Thank you for such a great newsletter, and for featuring my story "3i Atlas" in it
I was so glad to feature this in the newsletter. And for your feedback, you too, will get a MB of your choice.
Again, another reader and solid writer, a dear member Madelyn Stone  provided this for this Feb 18th issue:
Loved this! LOL. Just what I needed. We are at the 4-month mark and our pup is 6 months old. She got fixed 3 days ago and is finally starting to feel better, which means she is hyper but not allowed to be hyper... ARGH! Trying to keep her and our 6 year old 'puppy' separated for just a bit longer so she can heal more. But you are right - it is worth every second.
Thanks for the newsletter!
Oh wow! I truly apologize for missing this fantastic feedback on this newsletter! Thank you so much dear and hey, I remember, how hard but how wonderful it was to have that little one in your home for those first few months. Thanks again for sharing this great memory with us! You too get a MB of your choice for your feedback.
Okay, now we're up to this Comedy issue where I cracked a few jokes about the snobby pet...a few members related or provided feedback. Here we go:
This is from Liz B  as follows:
Oh my, if you have never done standup, this is your time. The pampered pet market is thriving, and now I know why. Kudos!
Oh wow! That is one of the sweetest compliments I've gotten in my life. I am just happy these days and I want to infuse it more in my life, and in my writing. Thank you so much for thinking I'm funny. I'm married to a hilarious man and that has to influenced me for good. A MB of your choice is yours for your feedback dear and thanks you again!
Lastly, and not least, we have SoccerBee  who shared this feedback:
OMG!! This was hilarious!
So, there you go. I really thank you dear for your feedback in my newsletter. I truly appreciate this and again, whatever funny I possess it's from my life. Which I'm happy to say I'm happy and like being humorous and laughing for as much as possible.
That was a lot of feedback from two newsletters. I again apologize for not catching this and will make it a point to check always. 
So, feeling good about this edition...hope it doesn't tank...lol.
Feel free to submit feedback to this Comedy newsletter. The first 5 readers will get a MB of their choice just for sending in your feedback.
Till next time...see you then! |
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Comedy: July 08, 2026 Issue [#13831]
