Accepting Cultural Differences Editor: Thankful Sonali Happy 26 WDC! 
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| A couple of interactions with friends got me thinking about the role culture plays in our relationships, and how it can lead to misunderstandings sometimes. |
Dear Reader,
A friend was having a long vacation in another state, and we were chatting on Messenger. When I realised she would be on holiday a couple of weeks more and was quite relaxed, I asked if she could go to the local post office for me and pick up the special post-mark there. I asked of the post office was close to where she was staying, and convenient to get to.
"Keep quiet," came her reply, in Hindi. "Absolutely quiet."
I was puzzled. Did that mean she could go, or couldn't? Or that I shouldn't ask so many questions, she'd do it anyway? Or what?
"I'm confused," I wrote back.
"Just be quiet," she replied.
"Well, okay then, we'll chat again soon," I said, and closed the chat.
A couple of minutes later, the chat popped up again. "My husband and daughters say you felt bad about my telling you to be quiet."
"Not bad exactly, just puzzled," I replied.
"It's very hot here and we're not going anywhere," she wrote.
"That's fine, then, don't worry," I replied.
Thinking about this later, I understood. She has grown up in a culture where one shows affection or closeness by being direct and informal. It's like one would say 'Oh pipe down, you' to a sibling when one thinks the sibling ought to understand something but keeps asking questions about it. My friend didn't even know she was coming across as aggressive till her family told her so and then she clarified it with me. It was a good thing she did that. If she hadn't, I might've either checked with her or just kept it at the back of my mind as an individual eccentricity. This way, I grasp what she actually meant - that she considers me to be close and can speak freely.
Similarly, there's a guy at the bookshop-cafe I visit, who does a lot of events for children and adults there. He has this style of answering questions that puts people off sometimes. He says, "Oh, don't you know that already?" if either a child or grown up needs an explanation on something he has mentioned in his talk.
I had a quiet chat with the owner of the bookshop-cafe about this, and she said, "Oh you know, that is his style, it brings him closer to the audience," she replied.
"Not all the audience," I thought, remembering some grumbles I had heard. But I didn't say it aloud. I would be thought of as being 'interfering' and it wouldn't improve the situation for those members of the audience who weren't comfortable with his style. They probably just won't show up at his next event, that's all.
What these two incidents, and others in my life that I've introspected on, have done for me is to get me thinking about what I hear and what I say. Did it come out the way it was intended? Could it be open to interpretation or misunderstanding? And finally - clarify. If it's important, say "I meant" or ask, "What did you really mean?"
Thanks for listening!
 |
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Thanks for the response to "Empathy, Or Self-Expression?"
Thank you, Sonali, for sharing. You are so right. Not everyone will respond the way we would like or need, but that makes us more careful when we listen, as you pointed out. Great life lesson.
Glad you found some measure of peace.
Pumpkin  
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