I am Bina

She thought she was no one...

I am Bina. One of the many, the unheard, the worthless ones.
You know me well, for I am not so unlike you.
Remember back, before, when black eyes were not
make-up or made up, just the results of fear, of
not moving quickly enough, or, worse,
trying to protect someone else.

I am Bina. With broken bones, ribs, and a concussion,
I ran. Ran for my life, to get away, to get out of reach.
There was no running to because nowhere seemed far enough
and when you have nothing, are nothing,
why should anyone, anywhere, help you?
I was the lowest, and anyone above me was superior.

I am Bina. My fault after all. I wasn't good enough, smart enough,
pretty enough, skinny enough, sexy enough.
I simply was not enough anything.
The mantra I heard, the words ground into my brain.
I didn't deserve to be loved or fed or valued.
I was nothing, nothing at all.

I am Bina. I crawled away, hid in the shadows
because I no longer knew there could be light for me.
And yet, with distance, there seemed safety, a respite.
And yet, with time, there seemed to be choices
and just maybe, hope. I worked for pennies
and knew nickels and dimes tossed my way added up.

I am Bina. The dumpster I slept behind left behind
for an abandoned shed. Discarded clothes layered warmth,
washing dishes warmed frozen hands, washing me on the sly.
I remembered how to smile, found things to smile about.
Remembered I had a voice. Grew brave enough to speak.
And a nameless someone gave me a hug for free.

I am Bina. I sought beyond the shadows, dared the light.
Found a real job, a hundred levels below once upon a time,
crawled my way level after level. Proved to others and more,
proved to myself I could. Would. Was worth it.
No longer fearing to breathe, I feared to fail myself.
The day I stood in the sun, I took back the me I'd once been.

I am Bina. One of the many, the heard. I have a voice.
I found sisters who'd been far worse. Lived far worse.
Looks that shared an understanding of where we'd been--
and where we were going. I will never go back
to being the unseen, unheard, unwanted.
A phoenix, I rose from the discarded ashes.

I am Bina. I have a life. I am loved and valued.
Perhaps had I not been where I'd been, I would not
appreciate where I am. Wouldn't, don't, wish it on anyone.
I believe in Karma, and I've learned to forgive. Although
I will not forget. I will remember.
No one deserves to be ground into the dirt.

I am Bina. I am proud of who I've become.
I found hope in odd places, found myself
in the spaces in between. Inhaled the light I thought forever lost.
I shine. It can be done. Anyone can rise. I believe that
now. It takes more guts to survive, and survival is sweeter still.
No one will ever take that: I will never give it away again.

I am Bina!