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 |   Exploring the future through the present. One day at a time. |
| Articles are making the rounds about a study by the World Health Organization proclaiming that processed meats (and some non-processed including red meat) cause cancer. My grandparents ate all kinds of meat, died in their 80s, and not from cancer. Vegetarians and Vegans have contracted cancer having never or at least rarely eaten meat. I'm not buying, especially not from an organization founded by the United Nations. Nearly everything they say or do has a political motive. I'll give you a few statistics that are 100% accurate: Every single one of my grandparents (and parents) signed up for Social Security and subsequently died. I know others now living who are currently on or will soon take Social Security will also die. Therefore, Social Security causes death. Every single person who ever lived drank water. Lots of it. They also died. I can say with utmost certainty that drinking water causes death. We need to create a petition banning both Social Security and water. I'm sure the UN will help us out with that. |
| I want to pull out my hair and scream. This be one of those days. The moment I heard about the mass shooting in Oregon, my reaction started with horror to a deep sadness and ending with a frustration that led me to the desire to do the above. Social media responses went exactly as you would expect: Sincere horror, to prayers for the victims and families and of course, the calls for more gun control laws, blaming the firearm, the NRA, the Republicans, white males and anyone who thinks the Second Amendment is an important addition to the US Constitution. Every politician runs to the nearest microphone to express their horror and anger and describe how only they have the solution to the problem. Every media talking head does the same. The shooter and the victims become the latest tools in pushing for someone's political agenda. Which is why I won't give my opinion on why someone would want to kill so many innocent people, or what laws are necessary or unnecessary, or how we can prevent evil. Because I have no answer. No one person on this planet (or even a million) can change all 7.3 billion hearts and minds to the point evil does not grow so we don't have to worry about even one of them going on a murderous rampage. Nor can any law or multitude of laws prevent it. That is the downside of free will. |
| As some of you know, I despise the memes that say, "Click like or share if you love Jesus" and other variations thereof. So if I don't click, I don't love Jesus? They're nothing more than chain letters of old that threatened horrible stuff if I didn't send the letter to other ten people. I don't think Jesus is going to bar my entry into heaven because I didn't like a specific meme on Facebook. There's another type of meme going around lately where it shows a picture of a child battling cancer, or an animal struggling to survive something horrendous. They all say, "Scroll past if you're heartless. If not, say Amen." Or some variation thereof. I scroll past every one. I refuse to be guilted into commenting on someone's feed, especially someone I don't know who -- it seems to me -- is only looking for more likes and comments. I'm all for supporting those who are hurting and struggling, but don't try to make me support them by telling me I'm heartless if I don't. Provide ways I can actually help, such as donating to an organization dedicated to eradicating cancer, or providing help for families struggling to keep up with the costs of their child's care. To me, it's no different than the fire-and-brimstone preachers pounding on their podiums and screaming that I'm destined for hell if I don't repent right this instant. It's not attractive, and it's not helpful. Certainly not to the people who get a thousand amens, but don't have the money to pay for the medications their child needs to survive. On Wednesday, we studied the book of Exodus. The Israelites reached the Red Sea, and they saw the Egyptian army overtaking them. They cried out to the Lord and wished they could return to Egypt because, "It's better to be a slave in Egypt than a corpse in the wilderness." But Moses told the people, "Don't be afraid. Just stand still and watch the LORD rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The LORD himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." Then the LORD said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving!" Exodus 14:12-15 I laughed when I read the last line, because it seems so unexpected, and was a direct contradiction to what Moses said. But it's also apropos to my own complaint. There are times we need to stand still and cry out to God, but there are also times we need to get moving. I've said it countless times before; if we want to make a difference, we need to actually do something. Typing amen and sharing Facebook memes accomplishes next to nothing. In short, don't try to guilt-trip me into doing something. I will act because it's the right thing to do, and for no other reason. |
| When I was younger I had no qualms about taking classes in drama and performing for hundreds of students. I twice joined a Salvation Army summer evangelism group where we sang and performed skits for hundreds of people. Nowadays my skin crawls at the thought of speaking in front of people – whether they be a dozen or a few hundred. Even the idea setting up somewhere such as a bookstore for a book signing makes me shudder. Why? Do I not believe my words are worth sharing with others? I used to be able to perform in front of audiences, and never once died from it. Yep. Not once. So where is this fear coming from? A part of it is fear of rejection. If my books get rejected in person, it'd be near impossible to not take it personal. To see my books not sell online, I can chalk it up to not advertising enough, not because no one is interested. It's also fear of success. One reason I took so long writing this entry compared to the last is meeting the expectations of my readers. What if I can't continue to deliver on the promise of interesting and thought-provoking stories time and again? There's also the tendency toward laziness. Promoting takes work, and at times (often) I don't want to put in the work necessary to gain more readers. I want other people to do it for me. Each year, Tom's school picks a scriptural verse for the year. This year it's Isaiah 6:8: Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom shall I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am. Send me.” I don't claim to be a messenger of Isaiah's caliber, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be one. I love to write for a reason. I do feel (mostly) that my words can and should be shared. God has shown me more than once that he wants me to share them. One instance in particular was in 2010. Tom was two years old, and I was content on being a mom. I hadn't written much past the occasional entry, and I certainly hadn't started a new book or tackle editing an old one. Searching for publishers wasn't even on my radar. I seriously considered quitting my dream of publishing my books, perhaps even quit writing fiction as a whole. And I was okay with that. I received an email from the American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) about how they were accepting entries for their Genesis Contest (the first 15 pages of an unpublished novel by an unpublished writer). I thought, “Okay, God. Here's the deal. I'll submit my first novel. If it doesn't make the finals, I'll take it as a sign that I should quit. If it does, then I will continue.” Fast forward a few months. I received a phone call (which I didn't answer because I thought it was a wrong number). The caller (I forget her name) left me a message stating that my book had made the finals, and was in line to possibly win in the speculative fiction category. (God took it a step further; I found out at the conference a few months later that my novel won). Was I excited and elated? Sure. For about twelve seconds. After that appeared disappointment. Making the finals and winning meant God wanted me to continue the frustrating and arduous path of writing fiction – worse – pursue publication and – ugh – promotion. Telling God to send me is a scary thought, because there's no way of figuring out where he will send me. He never says until the moment he needs me to do something. I'd give a few examples, but this entry is long enough as it is. My pastor is doing a sermon series called “Fruitful Living.” The basic premise is that in order to truly be God's servants, we must act – produce fruit. Hiding my words is not bearing fruit. God does not give us certain talents and certain passions to keep to ourselves. What good is that? So how does one exercise bravery? It isn't about eliminating fear, it's about moving forward in spite of that fear. I can't allow fear to rule me and my actions: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-control.” ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 That one verse convicts me on my fear, my timidity and my laziness (which is a lack of self-control). If I'm feeling fearful, timid and lazy, I need to turn to God for his help – to give me his spirit to overcome all three. Without it, my words cannot succeed. And I do want them to succeed. It simply can't happen until I lean on God and get to work, trusting that he will guide me in a way that I need not be afraid. |
| If there is anything that will seriously tempt me to quit my (currently pipe) dream of publishing my books, it's this: http://www.stevelaube.com/and-now-in-the-center-ringdancing-authors/#comments In short, the article describes how in order to succeed, writers must emulate musicians and become more publicly engaged. For a wall flower like me, those words are like sunlight to a vampire. I want to hiss and cower into a dark corner. I know it's true, and something I definitely have to work out if my books are to succeed. It's how to go about it I find both intimidating and terrifying. My books came from me and my imagination; they are not me. I want them to stand on their own. "Performing" for my books' audience makes it less about the books and more about me. Plus there's the added voice inside me that says I am simply not interesting enough to attract an audience and keep them engaged long enough to read my books. I'm not smart enough, I'm not witty enough, I'm not pretty enough . . . and a million other excuses. But! Which I will discuss in my next entry (I planned on writing it before running into the link above, but haven't started, yet. This entry seems a perfect introduction, so I hope I have you curious and engaged enough to return when I do have it written). |
| Like many other writers, my bookshelves are full of books on writing. And like most other writers I have my favorites that I try to read more than once so I don't forget the authors' advice. One such book is "On Writing" by Stephen King. If you haven't read it yet, I suggest you do. It's equally about his own journey as much as advice to others. One of my favorite sentences is, "Never lie to your readers. They can always tell." This is true in fiction as well as in non-fiction. It seems counter-intuitive to think lying in fiction is even possible, because isn't the entire story made up? Yet it can happen, especially when trying to twist a plot in a direction that doesn't seem plausible, or making a character do something that's beyond the character's capabilities or against his/her nature. I know many can point out stories where something in a story seems off, implausible, etc. That is a form of an author lying to the reader. Don't do it. Lies in writing not only insults the reader's intelligence, but is the height of disrespect. Lying to a reader is even more glaring in non-fiction. As a fellow human being, I can relate to wanting to lie. We do it every day when, for example, we tell our friends that everything is okay at home when the truth is quite the opposite. We lie because we don't want to burden our friends with our problems, or it's a matter of pride. Years ago I refused to tell anyone I was in an abusive relationship. The main reason was pride, because I didn't want to admit I had made a serious mistake in choosing that person as a boyfriend. I was supposed to be much smarter than that. I left him eventually, but that's a story for another time. The desire to lie in my own blog pulls at me every time I write about myself, the things I've done, or the things I failed to do. Part of it again is pride. I'm supposed to be smart, put together, and have at least a little wisdom -- especially at my age. I think my readers sense, however subconsciously, when I'm not being entirely truthful, and when I am. Their comments or lack thereof prove how much they saw past my deceptions, even if they don't outright call me a liar. I can read between the lines. Recently I went back through previous blog entries, some going back years. The entries where I held back my honest self resulted in few likes and comments. The ones where I decided to let it all hang out, so to speak, I received a lot more responses. Most of the time those who responded shared with me their similar struggles. I discover time and again how comforting it is to know I'm not alone in my struggles, and by knowing I'm not alone, I can exercise more bravery and continue to be honest in everything I write. |
| One of my most frustrating qualities as a writer is I wait for inspiration. I sit at my computer, watching that infuriatingly patient cursor blink at me, and expect a lightning-bolt of creativity to spur my fingers to type fantabulous stories. You'd think after years of doing exactly that, I'd realize it rarely happens. Does a photographer sit on the porch waiting for rare wildlife to saunter through the yard, or does he seek it out? I need to seek out inspiration, to be intentional about it. To go places outside my comfort zone, to even talk to people I normally wouldn't. To read more books both inside and outside my favorite genres. I often find my creativity goes into overdrive spouting new ideas for stories when I'm reading. Last week I attended a meeting of other volunteers for my church's upcoming restart of kid's ministry (Sunday school). The director, Suzanne, encouraged us to be intentional in our faith. It means reading and studying the Bible, attending both Sunday services (which many volunteers set aside due to volunteering for the children during most services), as well as participating in small groups. That's another area where I wait for inspiration to grow my faith. I expect God to talk to me, but I don't stop to talk to him first. I don't read my Bible as much as I should. Oddly enough, I sometimes find the Bible intimidating. There are so many stories, so many books, I often don't know where to start. Should I start at the beginning with Genesis, the New Testament gospels, Paul's letters? It's wrong-headed to even think that way. God knows what I need, so honestly, wherever I start is where I need to be. As long as I'm intentional about it. I am reading "Jesus on Trial" by David Limbaugh. He puts Jesus and the Bible on trial to prove their authority. And he did his research. Even from a historical perspective, it's interesting stuff. He wrote it mostly for atheists -- he used to be one -- but even Christians will find it bolstering. Sometimes I need my own proof that Jesus is real and the Bible as a whole is authentic, both historically and as a means to bring us closer to God. I can be more confident when talking to others who also have doubts. I'm sick of social media. Although I'm pointing out my own hypocricy here because of my previous entry, everyone has to spout their opinons on a certain topic. They make such a big deal out of it as if it affects their own life when in a few weeks most people won't remember or even care. It gets to be beyond tiresome. Whatever a clerk does in a state I've never been is really none of my concern. Sure, I can have a bit of intellectual fun talking about what someone does -- right or wrong -- but if I'm tired of others doing it, surely others want to grit their teeth when I do the same. Therefore I'm going to stop and instead write about the things that do affect me. We'll see how long it lasts, because who doesn't like to arm-chair quarterback? |
| As with everything that happens, people take one of two sides. In this instance, people criticize Davis' defiance by saying she was elected to do a job, and to refuse to do it should result in her removal from office. Even though she claims religious objections to signing marriage licenses for gay couples, many Christians are frowning. They claim she's using her faith to get attention, and is not acting loving as Christ would. She's making it more about herself, and not Jesus. Those who take her side, many of whom are also Christian, are doing so because they believe she's standing her ground on her faith, and that no government – state or federal – should compel her to go against her religion. Part of my job description is to create and sign plats and surveys. I take data provided either through legal documents or surveys performed on the ground and create a new plat or description. In calculating property boundaries, I use mathematical processes including significant digits. For those who don't remember, when calculating data, the end result can't show a greater accuracy than the least accurate number. For instance, if I have 34.5654 + 45.2, the end result must be 79.8, not 79.7654. What does this have to do with Kim Davis? Keep reading, it'll all make sense shortly. A client once asked our company to parcel out a piece of his property to sell. His original legal was described to the nearest foot. He didn't want an actual on-the-ground survey, but he did want the new parcel to be calculated to the nearest 10th of a foot. I created the drawing, but I refused to sign it. My sense of ethics and correct usage of mathematics prevented me from putting my name on a document that was inaccurate and incorrect. See where I'm going with this? One of Kim Davis' objections was being forced to sign her name to a document that goes against her religious beliefs. Not only that, but when she was hired, the Kentucky State Constitution defined marriage as only between a man and a woman, and anything else is invalid (Section 233A). Still does, in fact, as it can only be changed or repealed via General Assembly. What happened to her is similar to someone being hired as a bartender then told three months later that she must pole-dance naked. It wasn't originally part of her job description, so her objection is not unwarranted. There's also the issue where Davis apparently prevented (or perhaps couldn't, legally) allow the deputies to sign the licenses, I didn't prevent another surveyor from within the company with signing the survey, which is what happened. We also have to recognize that the SCOTUS decision created legal ambiguity with state laws and constitutions which will take time to rectify. I won't get into specifics, because the entry would be far too long. Nevertheless, the decision places people in untenable situations much like Davis where we have contradictory laws that make following one law without violating others near impossible. It boils down to this: No government has the right to force or compel a person to sign a legal document that they find morally or ethically objectionable. By the same token, no individual has the right to force people to not sign a legal document they don't find morally or ethically objectionable. Now for the religious component. Davis' mistake (that could have been pushed on her due to national coverage which she may not have expected) was in digging in her heels and claiming (quite loudly) religious objections without first trying to find a legislative or legal solution. Her actions show less grace and more self-absorption, something too many – Christian or otherwise – are guilty of. Adding to the controversy of religious objection in the workplace is the Muslim woman who is suing her employer for suspending her because she refused to serve alcohol: http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/09/08/muslim-flight-atten... In her case, she knew part of her job description is to serve alcohol. She had, after all, worked that job for two years before converting to Islam. Once she converted, she should have asked for reassignment where serving alcohol was not a requirement, or find different employment. You could argue I'm picking and choosing my “outrage” (I place it in quotes, because I'm not outraged by either. This is a mere curiosity to me, but wanted to address it because it's on everyone's mind) based on the complainant – one being Christian, the other Muslim. But they are not entirely the same. As I said above, the rules changed for Davis after she was elected, whereas none of Stanley's (the flight attendant) duties changed from the moment she took the job until she converted. What would solve the dilemma with gay marriage in particular is quite simple: Marriage is a religious covenant with a specific meaning, so it should be relegated to churches. Governments should change the verbiage from"marriage" to “civil union” (as an example). The license signed and filed by the government would be nothing more than a legal contract between two people, and the gender of said couple no longer has relevance. |
| My first novel took a mere three months to write. My second, over nine. My third took another nine, if not a year. Since then, my subsequent novels are all perpetually incomplete. The main reason (ignoring my chronic procrastination) is because I know more about writing well than I did when I first started. When I wrote my first novel, I wasn't concerned about how well it was written. The story took precedence over technique, and in some cases, even grammar. Now I pay attention to every word and sentence, and as such it takes me longer to get anything out. That same slowness inevitably makes me lose interest in the story, or I convince myself it's such a terrible story that I need not continue. I'm losing the story in favor of the words themselves. This same issue has also spilled over into my photography. I still click away, although not as often as I used to. I plan more, and hesitate sometimes to the point I miss a good shot. I also scrutinize each photo to the point that the shots I used to keep I now throw away, While I may save on hard drive space, I can't help but wonder if I'm being as overly-critical on my photos as I am with my writing, and I'm in the end missing out on some decent shots other people would love to see. Was I a better writer and photographer when I didn't know anything? It's a question I can't help but ask. I sometimes wish I knew less than I do so I could actually enjoy writing and photography as much as I did when I first started. I know I'm not the only one, because many have said to make sure to turn off the internal editor while writing (or taking pictures). Sounds easy, doesn't it? But it's not. My internal editor is so loud and obnoxious, I can't ignore her. Dang it. |
| From this article: http://www.vox.com/2015/8/21/9183529/pregnancy-risks To the response from the pregnant meteorologist against nasty emails: http://response.littlethings.com/katie-fehlinger-bullied-newscaster/?utm_source=... And the videos of Planned Parenthood showing how they're pushing women to abort in order to sell baby parts. I can't help but wonder if there is a concerted effort to force women to not answer the call to motherhood. For most of my young life I had no opinion on whether or not I wanted children. When I married Dave, the decision was made to not have any, because he was adamantly opposed to having children. During that time a woman told me, "You don't know love until you have children." Since I didn't want any, I was actually insulted by her comment. It implied that I couldn't love someone fully and completely without children, that my life would always contain a void and I would die regretting never having known that kind of love. It wasn't until I saw my son's face for the first time that I understood what she meant. That's not to say every woman should have children. It's a choice every person should make, and they have every right to make it, just as I did, and just as I and my husband changed our mind. Nor does it mean a woman can't be complete without children. I know too many women who decided not to, and have never regretted it. The problem I see is how society seems to be pushing women -- and even young girls -- away from having children. Society encourages both boys and girls to wait until their 30s -- if ever -- to get married and procreate. It implies that everyone should, "live first," then "settle down" when they've had all their fun and established their career. It also frowns on anyone who has more than 2 children. I married at 22. These days that's considered too young. I'm willing to bet some believe I threw away my life the moment I said, "I do." Speaking from 23 years of married experience, I have lived a more full complete life with Dave than I ever could alone. I grew up with him. I cried with him, laughed with him. We've endured hardships together that we could have never survived alone. Without him, I would not have the career I have. I wouldn't have the joy, happiness and even self-esteem. I can be 100% me around him without fear of being judged or shunned. He knows what I'm thinking and feeling without having to say a word. And I wouldn't have the greatest love on earth, and that's of my son. While some women do have horrible pregnancies, and some have even died, for the most part, the benefits of bringing forth new life far outweigh the risks. If they didn't, we would have died out as a species before we ever got started. Even those who endured difficult pregnancies, if you asked all of them, a greater percentage have no regrets than those that do. I loved being pregnant, and not just because I had a new life growing inside me. For society to push people against experiencing the greatest joy of bringing a child into this world is not only cruel, but will eventually kill us as a species. The conspiracy theorist inside me believes that maybe that's exactly what some people are after. Otherwise why is society pushing us toward ignoring and in some cases act outright hostile toward our natural desire to give birth to new life? |
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