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 |   Exploring the future through the present. One day at a time. |
| A short one: https://www.flickr.com/photos/almarquardt/albums/72157657887654522 Enjoy! |
| Well, I called it. I did indeed take over 1000 photos. The good news is I managed to cut out the worst ones leaving me with 50 upload-worthy. The bad news is 50 is still a lot, and it will take me a while to add them to my Flickr page. Not only that, but do I really want to force people to scroll through 50 pictures? One of my irritants (not quite a pet peeve) is when people dump hundreds of photos at once, especially when they all look the same. I think mine are a bit more interesting than that, but your time is more valuable than mine. Looking through 50 pictures seems a bit too much to ask a person to look at at once. Kinda reminds me of the movies where the proud mother digs out twenty photo albums and force her teenager's date to look through 18 years of photos, all while said teenager gets ready. Then again, I'm not forcing anyone to look at my photos, so really, does it matter? It's my Flickr page, after all, and I can upload whatever I darn well please, darn it. Of my three cameras, one has been modified to receive infrared light instead of standard colors you and I see. For instance, since vegetation blocks most, if not all, infrared, it shows up as white. The sky and water look almost black (because they both absorb infrared). Even freckles, moles and other blemishes on a person's skin doesn't show up, because human skin also blocks infrared. The pictures end up looking quite surreal. Those are the pictures I'll be working on next. Those need a bit more modification on the computer than standard photos, because straight out of the camera it looks even stranger. I won't get into the particulars because this is a writing site, not a photography site. My next entry will have links to my vacation photos, hopefully in the next few days. I hope you all had a great week, and an even better weekend! |
| Tomorrow we're leaving to spend a few days at Yellowstone. Tom has wanted to go since last year when we watched a documentary on it. Some of my best memories growing up were the road trips we took which included Meteor Crater and Grand Canyon. It wasn't so much the destination that I remembered so much, but the trip itself and camping at KOAs on the way. I decided even before Tom was born that I wanted to give him similar memories. We won't be staying at KOAs on the way, but as far as Yellowstone goes, we did rent a cabin for four days. The best part: No cell or internet! There is only one landlline on the entire lodge property meant for emergencies only. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it. No drama from Facebook to deal with, and no phone calls, texts or emails from my employers. Boy was my boss disappointed when he asked if I would be available by phone and my response was a rather gleeful, "Nope!" My only concern at this point is whether or not I have enough room on my memory cards in my cameras (you read that right. Cameras. As in plural. As in three). I plan on taking literally thousands of pictures with all of them. I am so going to look like the quintessential tourist with multiple cameras hanging from my shoulders. It's gonna be awesome. I will also bring along my laptop, so I can at least download my pictures at the end of day. Don't worry, I will link the best ones when we get back. In the meantime, you all have a terrific week! |
| “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” “Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.” Fighting with a friend is never fun. There's always the fear words spoken in anger will be the last words spoken, and each will turn away forever burned and embittered; to die never having made amends. Both will carry the pain of believing the other is full of hate, never able to forgive or be forgiven. These are burdens no one should carry. They only grow heavier as time goes by. The last few days were rough as I had an unfortunately public disagreement with a friend who also happens to be a sister-in-law. She sent me a few private messages expressing her angst about how different we were, and that (I inferred) those differences were irreconcilable. From her words, I again inferred we would have to stop being friends because of those differences, which I feared would negatively effect our husband's relationship. I explained this further in my previous entry "All in The Family"  so I won't get into any more detail about that here.She apparently needed a few days to calm down, because yesterday afternoon, she sent me more private messages basically expressing her sorrow over what happened, and that she hoped it wouldn't tear apart our husband's friendship, because they've always been close. Based on her words, it seemed to me that she was giving up on any possibility of a continued friendship on our part. We simply didn't have enough in common anymore. I don't hold to that by any stretch. Many of my friends and family members are on the opposite political and religious spectrum, and I get along with them just fine. We can sometimes discuss those differences, other times we have to avoid them. I even told her, “Though we may disagree, that doesn't effect my opinion or love for you, either. Like you said, we simply have very different outlooks on certain subjects. "That's not necessarily a bad thing. Aside from our husbands, I know there are many things we still have in common; we just have to find out what they are. I'm kinda looking forward to discovering them. You with me?” She seemed to like the idea. Hence the first quote by Nietzsche. My sister-in-law and I went through a rough patch that could have killed our relationship. Because it didn't, we can now build a stronger one based on a mutual understanding that though we be different on certain things, we are the same on many others. The second quote I ran into while searching for the exact wording of the first. I had to add it, because it also applies here. Strong relationships aren't built upon agreeing on everything. It's those very differences that can make friendships more interesting and deepen our understanding of the world and each other. Sometimes they can't be reconciled except to agree to disagree, but that's when friends choose to close their eyes. They do so in order to protect that friendship, because while we may not have a choice when it comes to love, we do when it comes to friendship. Few things in this world are more beautiful and profound than that. |
| Did you know 10,000 - 1 = -10,001? Many people tell me -- have told me -- that I'm a good person. Some have even said I'm beautiful. While they may all believe that without question, I know better. Because I have also been told I'm mean, and I'm ugly. Sure not as often, but the words have been spoken, and spoken honestly. Since I like math, let's say I have received a total of 10,000 compliments in my life. Those don't count because of the one time someone pointed out the mistake I made. That one time outweighs everything else and in fact turns every good deed into a negative one. Therefore, I can't be a good person. I am evil, through and through. As the mathematical equation above shows, one wrong action takes away the 10,000 good actions I've done and actually turns that +10,000 into -10,001. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? Mathematically impossible, even? It should, because none of what I said above is true. Yet it feels true. Whenever I make a mistake, I mentally flagellate myself into a near depressive frenzy, and I convince myself that nothing I do will amount to anything worth, well, anything. I am a useless, horrible human being. Sometimes it gets so bad that even when I receive compliments meant to make me feel better, I want to scoff them off as only meant to make me feel better, and they're not actually true. So how do I convince myself that one wrong act doesn't wipe the slate dirty and gross? For one, it's not a contest. Nor is anyone is keeping score -- except for me. Worse, when I don't accept people's compliments, I'm calling them liars. As with every other person on this planet, dead, alive and in the future, I am both good and bad. I've done good, and I've done evil. Because of my humanity, I will continue to make mistakes, both on accident and on purpose until the day I die. I have to remind myself that I am still lovable and worthy of being loved in spite of all my evil deeds, and not hated because of them. |
| Years ago, an aunt of a friend died. She left no will, but a house and all of her belongings behind. My friend decided to step up and execute her estate. Between her and her brothers and sisters, they split everything up with my friend trying to keep track of it all. Since she didn't own a home, she decided to buy the house from her siblings. In all her attempts to be fair and equitable, some siblings outright stole some of the aunt's items and accused my friend of trying to do the same. Now after almost fifteen years past, some of her siblings won't have anything to do with her. My familly was never close. We go months and even years without letters, phone calls or emails. In a sentence, there's a lot of emotional as well as physical distance. However, if one family member needs something, or we have a family get-together, almost everyone steps up. I personally have never seen so much strife as to drive certain members away, at least not permanently. Emotional distance or not, I pray that never changes, because family is something that can't be replaced. In the end, it's all we have. If we are to depend on anyone in this life, it's family. When I see families torn apart because of misplaced words or deeds, I cringe and want to weep. The last thing I want to see is something like that happen in my own family, because it doesn't drive just one person away. Such strife also forces other family members to take sides against others, creating an even bigger rift. If I have any fears, that's near the top. Family is where we're supposed to accept -- and yes, at times endure -- everyone else's strange behaviors (unless they're dangerous, of course) and perspectives on life. We don't have to like it; no one should expect that. But it's also okay to back away and not engage so strife, discomfort and family breakups can be avoided. I have my own special quirks. I like to be accurate. Not because I want to be better than everyone else, but because that's how I'm made. I have a rational mind that salivates over concrete problems and solutions. My favorite subjects in school were math and physics, because no matter how many times I plug in certain numbers into a certain equation, I get the same answer. If I don't, I know I did something wrong. I also love to learn new things, and I eagerly look for ways to see things from a different point of view. If someone comes along to correct my fallacies, I thank them. They took the time to show me my inaccuracy on a certain subject, so I can in the future be more accurate. I'm a better person because of it. The problem is, I assume (often wrongly) that other people are like me in that they also want to be accurate. I forget that some people are more emotional (not a bad thing, mind you, just different from me), and the things I say and do are hurtful to them. They see my attempts as trying to make them look stupid when that never even occurs to me. There is not a person on this planet I would call or believe to be stupid for any reason. We all are smart in different ways, and every person is a combination of unique and sometimes enviable abilities and talents. While I may know math and physics, try to explain electricity, organic chemistry, psychology, or show me how to ballet and you will get nothing but a blank stare. Those sciences and abilities are far too fluid for this brain of mine. I know people who can empathize with others, an ability I know I lack (and sometimes forget I lack). If there's one thing I could change about me, it's that. I honestly don't mean to hurt people, so when I do, I'm sincerely shocked and dismayed that I caused anyone pain. Doing so to family members is even more painful, because they are the ones who matter most. |
| No one likes to be wrong. No one likes people showing them they're wrong. Especially not in front of others or on a public forum such as Facebook. Which is why when I see -- for instance -- a meme that is obviously incorrect posted by multiple people, I don't mention the specific meme, and certainly don't point fingers at the people who posted it (unless they don't mind said mistake being pointed out, and I usually know who they are). I instead make a general statement about how said meme is not to be trusted, and why. People often get it without having to feel insulted or embarrassed. At least that's true some of the time . . . but that's getting off topic. I am one of the latter. Does it suck being wrong? Absolutely. It's especially -- I wouldn't say humiliating, because I don't feel humiliated. Perhaps embarrassed is a better word -- when it happens around a group of people who also see how wrong I was. At the same time, when my wrongness is pointed out, I can be assured I'll not be wrong a second time with the same erroneous information. Many of you know I'm a Professional Land Surveyor (to those that don't, now you do). Like the medical field, they call what I do the "practice" of land surveying. The main reason is, even though I know my field, I make mistakes. The last one was a doozy that my company is still working toward fixing (well over $200,000 later). Because of that, I have an extreme desire to know when I'm wrong as soon as I make a mistake (and not after two years and an entire apartment complex is 90% completed before discovering part of the development is built on someone else's property). I even thank our clients profusely when they point out an error. Because when I know of the error, I can fix it without causing lawsuits and forcing my employer to use its liability insurance -- which invariably goes up and decreases company profit. As to the former, unfortunately no matter how many precautions I take to not point fingers, someone takes offense, and infers that I'm calling them stupid and showing myself as somehow smarter and better. I'm human enough to admit I like being right. I have a healthy pride that has more than once caused me trouble. Maybe the issue with the meme above was one such instance, however subconscious. But it's never meant to be at the expense of someone else. It's not so much I like being right in the end, but that other people can also learn, just as I like -- and need -- to learn. It's like having a big green booger on my face. I would want someone to tell me it's there so I'm not walking around all day with it wagging its gross little fingers at everyone who looks at me. Now that would be humiliating. So if I'm wrong about something, tell me. I may not like it, but it's necessary if I am to grow into a decent human being. I will always be grateful in knowing I can trust you to tell me the truth and give me the facts, no matter how ugly and stupid it might make me look at the time. Better to be wrong for a moment than wrong for a lifetime. |
| I had hoped the publisher I sent my manuscript to would respond by December 20th, or eight weeks after I submitted it. December 20 came and went with no response, so I figured they didn't want it. Imagine my surprise when I received the following email: Thank you for sending us your proposal for our review. While your project exhibits merit it is not quite what we are looking for at this time. The immense number of proposals we receive, our full list, and the intense nature of the competition in the marketplace causes us to be highly selective. We appreciate the opportunity and wish you the best in your search for another publisher. Blessings, Steve Laube President My initial response: Aww. I bet you tell that to all the rejects. After that, I merely shrugged my shoulders. Although I figured they didn't want it months ago, at least there's now no question they don't want it. In the meantime, I did find a few other publishers that might be interested. Before I submit, however, I need to read a few other books they've published, so I can study the quality. If I think they're good enough, then I'll send them my proposal. I wish I had more than two options, but like most of life, I'll simply have to take what I can get. |
| December 20th has come and gone with no response from the publisher. Disappointed but not surprised. The biggest question: Now what? I started searching literary agents that accept "religious" (see below for my reason for adding quotes) material, and most say, "everything except science fiction." What is it about Christian literary agents and publishers that don't merely shy away from science fiction, but actively avoid it? I remember the last time I went to a writers conference, I sat at a table of a literary agent (who I knew wouldn't accept my work, but I wanted to listen to what he had to say about the market), and he asked what each of us wrote. When my turn came up I said, "Science fiction." He grimaced and said, "Okay, next." I was, for the most part, ignored the rest of the evening. I felt a bit like a pariah, like I had admitted to writing snuff-erotica. I wondered if he mentally held up a cross to ward off any demons attempting to possess him. That's not to say there are no more avenues to explore. There are still a few Christian publishers that will accept science fiction, and I can always self-publish (in the true sense of the word, not vanity publish). My problem is they're all smaller presses, and I will have to do the bulk of any marketing, which would be no different from self-publishing. The only difference would be the cost of printing. It sucks, because I did think my book was a good fit for the previous publisher. In thinking about it more, however, I wonder if they didn't want it because some of the scenes are a bit graphic. Not gratuitously (I didn't think), but one never knows what another person thinks is gratuitous or not. We all have different standards. I can't give up though. I will eventually find right avenue to get my book to print, whether it be traditional or self. I will simply have to continue to submit, or plead God for a sign if he indeed wants me to go the self-publishing route. Because the purpose is to get my words out there. The path I take to get there, while important, shouldn't be the primary consideration. |
| I don't really want to write about the books or movie of Fifty Shades of Grey. This is because I have read none of the books, nor have I seen the movie. Nor do I plan to do either. There are better uses of my time. Instead, I want to talk about other people talking about it. Most agree it's a terrible movie. Even so, many are predicting it will break movie-going records. It could be due to morbid curiosity, but according to what I've read so far, people also find it entertaining. Sexual, physical and emotional abuse is entertaining, apparently. But I get off topic. Those who despise the books and movie are upset -- and rightly so -- that the writers and producers are glorifying such abuse and trying to make it appear mainstream and even something to strive for. What bothers me at the moment is who they're blaming for the acceptance of such behavior. It ranges from blaming the abused to the abuser, but they also blame society and the so-called rape culture; how it's all the fault of male-controlled society and how men are teaching women they deserve to be abused. While on some level that may be true, it's also used as an excuse for the individual abuser to shirk his/her responsibility for their own actions. Many abusers say they're not responsible, because they themselves were abused or grew up watching other adults abuse their significant others. If it were the fault of males in general, why, then is the writer a woman, and that the books and movie are purchased, read and watched by a larger percentage of women than men? I have even read social media posts from women proclaiming their undying love for Christian Grey and how they want to find their own version of the man. What. The. Hell. I'll even go so far to say that the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon is showing that more women are perpetuating the idea that a man taking sexual control of a woman is sexy more than men are. Now I do have the question: What is it about these women that they believe they deserve to be treated like trash? Is it society's fault? Is it their parents? Magazines and entertainment that proclaim that if women don't fit a particular look are unworthy of true love and respect? I do believe it's a factor, but let's not use it as an excuse to not rise above what society tries to dictate. Let's hold the individual responsible for his/her actions. As one who lived in an abusive relationship for a few years, I do sympathize with people in similar situations. They are incredibly difficult to get out of, because the abuser is so -- at first -- subtly manipulative. It starts by breaking down the person's self-esteem, while at the same time using the abused's pride and self-importance that they can change a person into something else -- something better. By the time the abused realize the trouble they're in, they are so broken down, they believe that they are incapable of escape, and that they don't deserve anything better. I wish I could tell every one of those men and women in abusive relationships that they are beautiful, smart and strong; that they are worthy of real love, compassion, kindness and respect. A person's manipulative sexual, physical and emotional control is not sexy, or even right. It's also illegal -- and worse -- results in long-term physical, emotional and spiritual damage to both the abused and the abuser. There are no easy answers, because again, it's all about individual responsibility. I can't control other people's actions; I can only control mine. I get to decide every day how I treat someone, and I have the power to stay or walk away from someone who treats me well or badly. I just wish there was a way for me to tell every man and woman they do have the same power of choice (in most countries, anyway). The fact I can't is what frustrates me the most. |
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