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 |   Exploring the future through the present. One day at a time. |
| Happy Friday all! To start, I didn't quit my job and apply at Walmart. I slept on it and decided my reaction was a mere hormone imbalance. Don't have much to share except I finally picked up a notebook and began the rough outline for my next novel. I decided to write it during this year's nanowrimo. It's a sequel to my fledgling "The Red Dagger" series. Someday I'll get off my duff and submit it to publishers. Someday. I'm also preparing documents for the conference coming up in two short weeks. I'm both eager and terrified, although slightly more eager. Mostly I'm hoping I don't get my expectations up about winning their Genesis contest. I don't want to add a disappointment on what should be a great experience. I want to look forward to meeting with an agent and editor, learn more than my brain can hold at the workshops, make new friends, but especially strengthen my relationship with Christ. The contest is (or at least should be) a mere fraction of importance. On the photography front I submitted a photo to another contest. You can find out more about it, including adding your own vote at http://almarquardt.com/blog/?p=300 . Thanks bunches! On the home front, Thomas is growing far too fast. Knowing that my memory ain't what it used to be and not about to get any better, I started a journal about all the neat and funny things he's been saying and doing lately. He's now speaking in complete sentences, and repeating much of what we say. Gots to be careful what we say around him now (and about whom). When I get the time, I'll add a few tidbits here. If you're in the states, have a wonderly Labor Day weekend! |
| I love my job as a land surveyor, but there are times, like today, I wish I could quit. This particular frustration has been building for weeks now. First it was the seemingly constant mistakes in calculations (not all my fault, but some). Then last Tuesday our company received a summons. We're being sued for a variety of charges over a subdivision plat done by yours truly four years ago. I didn't do anything wrong or illegal, but lawyers don't care. Nor do some judges. I don't anticipate a loss, and my bosses told me more than once not to worry about it. Yet I can't help but second-guess myself over everything I've done over the last 10 years as well as current jobs I'm working on. Today right before I was ready to leave for the day, the survey crew came back yet again with an error. Not my fault this time, but it's beyond frustrating. I threw up my hands and said, "That's it. I quit. I'm going to work for Walmart." I wonder if they're hiring. It's certainly got to be less stressful than constant mistakes and legal battles. Would it be worth the more than 50% cut in pay? I'll have to think about that one. Rant over. Thanks for enduring it. |
| often means giving up something. I've been stressed of late mostly because I have so much to do and not much time to do it. Therefore I needed to go through my never-ending to-do list and eliminate the ones that I could afford to give up. I started with the God's Way group. It's been fairly quiet except for people signing up -- about one a week. It shows there's still interest in it, which thrills me. Unfortunately I don't spend enough time here to give it the attention it needs. I'm not shutting it down, though. That wouldn't be right. I'm hoping someone will offer to take over the group for me. If no one steps up in about two weeks, then I'll be forced to remove the group and all the items. Another stress I've given up -- food. Well, not entirely. That would be silly. I've gone on diet, or more accurately, changed my food-intake habits. I'm hoping to make good enough nutritional decisions so what I eat and don't eat becomes a habit I can enjoy and not simply live with or worse, endure. It's a simple diet, really. I'm cutting out "empty" carbohydrates mostly found in breads, pastas and of course, all sweets. Consider it the Atkins Diet that doesn't go as far as Atkins. That's not to say I won't indulge in the occasional ice cream sandwich. That would also be silly. A few weeks ago I purchased (and drained a good portion of my savings account) a plane ticket for the ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers) Conference in Indianapolis. My goal for that is to lose 15 lbs by September 17. That's 5 lbs a month, just over 1 lb a week. Easily doable. If I lose more, all the better. Admittedly it's a decision based entirely on vanity. I want to look in the mirror again and be able to say honestly, "not bad." To say, "I'm gorgeous!" is going a little too far  .And one more stresser, or time waster in this case, I'm still trying to convince myself to give up. Television and movies (I love Netflix!). Talk about a waste of time! How easy is it to waste an hour or two over something that accomplishes nothing except increase my desire to be lazy? My main goal with giving all this up (and therefore not stress about it anymore) is to allow me more time to pursue my old, dear passion of writing. I miss it (finally). I hope to create another habit of writing every day, whether it be something interesting going on in my life, a short story, a script or a novel. As long as I'm writing. After all, writing is a practice just like playing an instrument or dancing. The longer I spend away from practice the rustier I'll get. Plus it's a good excuse to be at least physically lazy. |
| The Cost of Being a Disciple A large crowd was following Jesus. He turned around and said to them, “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple. “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’ "Or what king would go to war against another king without first sitting down with his counselors to discuss whether his army of 10,000 could defeat the 20,000 soldiers marching against him? And if he can’t, he will send a delegation to discuss terms of peace while the enemy is still far away. So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own. "Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? Flavorless salt is good neither for the soil nor for the manure pile. It is thrown away. Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!” (Luke 14:25-35, NLT) I’ve been stressed of late. Not unhappy, per se, but wound up like an old watch. I can feel it in my muscles, the fact my eczema will not improve, and unable to sleep through the night. What worries me? Everything! The present, the future, asking questions about what tomorrow will bring, but not waiting long enough to discover the answers. I’m content instead to stew in my worrying. As if they matter. Jesus said we must hate our lives and everyone in it. That’s a strong word, and one I find inappropriate in all honesty. For how can on the one hand Jesus command we must love others as ourselves, then say the opposite to others? The key phrase “by comparison.” He’s saying that we must love him above all things. And that love, by comparison, should be greater than any love we can bestow upon our family, ourselves, and all material goods of this earth. That’s a tough one to swallow. But Jesus knew that too when he said we must count the cost of following him. It means that he may ask us at some point to leave our family, our job, our wealth, and we must be willing to do it without thought or hesitation. My problem is I’ve counted the cost, and a large part of me is not willing to pay it — as much as I would like to. There is a price to be paid for that as well. It means that God will not share his peace with me, the peace that through him, not only are all things possible, but that he is in control. He will not let me believe without doubt all will turn out in a way that’s best for me. To love the things of this world is foolishness. I can worry that I will lose my job, my home, my friends, family and wealth, but guess what? I will lose it all eventually anyway the day I die if not before. All I have left, then, is God. Shouldn’t that be enough? It’s not, because in truth I love my life and everything in it more than I love God. Another obstacle is my need — desire — for control. Raised to be self-reliant, I struggle with allowing God to assume control of my life. I refrain from prayer, because the act alone shows admission of my utter and total weakness. I am not in control, and to think I am is delusion. Yet I prefer delusion. So if I truly want to be able to sleep again, to not have to slather my body in ointments in vain attempt to stave off an autoimmune disease and be able to — finally — relax, I must give up my life and everything in it. I must hate it in comparison to my love and devotion to God. With God’s help, maybe I can, because in the end I won’t lose one thing worth keeping. |
| A few days ago, I sat down with God and gave him my thoughts on a few things. The main one was — as I’m sure you expect — about writing, or my lack thereof lately. I basically told him, “This contest is it. If nothing comes of it, I’ll know you want me, for the foreseeable future anyway, not to write anymore. At least not for publication.” It wasn’t an ultimatum, per se, more of a “What do you want me to do?” My life is full, contentedly full. Raising my two-year-old, enjoying photography and working full time I figured was enough for now. To add writing to it felt more like a burden. With nothing to show for it over the last month or so, I thought it was time to quit. I didn’t have a problem with that. I love writing, still do and know I always will. But I was beginning to think that the novel writing was a mere phase, something to keep me occupied and passionate about until something better came along — like my son. It was also a way for me to talk to God, and for him to talk to me. Through my son I’ve found other avenues of communing with God. Or so I thought. Hence the sign I asked of God via the Genesis contest. This afternoon when I returned from lunch, I happened to look at my phone. Someone had left me a voice mail. I missed it because I left it at work to charge. I shrugged thinking it was either my hubby wanting to know where I hid Thomas’s shoes, or a wrong number. Wrong on both counts! Turns out my novel made the top 5 finalists of the first round and will go to the second. Am I excited? Sure! It’s an answer to a prayer (well, one of the few yeses anyway). Heck, the first thing my husband said when I came home was, “What’s with the big smile?” I look forward to receiving my scorecard. I’ll have until May 16th to make any edits accordingly and resubmit for the final round. I also have to send it a head-shot of yours-truly for a presentation during this year’s ACFW writer’s conference in September. I’m wondering now if I should go . . . Whether or not my novel wins, I can at least mention it made the finals in future (verses past?) query letters. |
| About 15 minutes ago, my husband and son left for the ND Badlands for a father/son camping trip with about four other father/sons. I miss them already. By the same token, I had planned to go out and about to take about 1000 photos of our lovely spring landscapes/flora/fauna, et al. But the skies decided to cry. All weekend according to the forecasts. What to do instead? Since I haven’t written anything in a while, it’s probably a good idea to take advantage of the time alone and catch up. I have an outline to complete for my new installment of “The Red Dagger.” I should also research publishers/agents for the first one. This will be easier than my Christian SF “Traitors”, because it’s a more secular story. Sad, isn’t it, that secular stories sell better? Then again, it is a secular world. Some might say it’s a sell-out for a Christian to write a secular story in the first place. Not really. Jesus said to go out amongst and preach to the “sinners.” I’m no preacher, but I can still spread the Message, however subtly. Who knows, if I manage some success with “The Red Dagger,” perhaps those readers will be curious enough to read my more overtly Christian works. One never knows — even if one can hope. It’s now May 1, and I should find out in about two weeks whether or not “Traitors” made the second phase of the Genesis contest sponsored by American Christian Fiction Writers  . Am I excited? Eh. Not really. I figure it will be what it will be. Like I said before, I’m more interested in the critique.You can find the score sheet HERE if you’re interested in how the stories are judged. Regardless of my score, I’ll be able to see concretely my strengths and weaknesses and go from there. |
| I have nothing to write about, something comes along. In this case, the technical editor of AUGIWorld Magazine (Autodesk User Group International), asked if I'd be interested in writing an article. I've written one before about four years ago, so it appears they're desperate (ha!). The subject is my own to choose. I didn't think I had the brainpower to come up with a subject, let alone write a decent article, but within an hour I came up with three. So I have one week from today to write it, and include three (if memory serves) graphics. Looks like I'll be busy until then. Oh! I also sent off the first 15 pages of "Traitors" to the American Christian Fiction Writers ( www.acfw.com ) Genesis contest yesterday. I'll find out between May 1-15 whether or not it made the final round. If not, I'll at least get a scorescard listing where my story succeeded and where it didn't measure up. Anyway, got some research to do, so I'll see you when I see you. Buh-bye! |
| You'd think the weekend would perk me up a bit, but so far it hasn't. Nor do I expect it to. I got the blahs; I may even go as far to admit I'm a grump. And I'm perfectly fine with that. A person can't be happy all the time, nor be expected to. I can't point to any specific reason for my maudlinity (I know it's not a real word, but since I'm feeling a tad forlorn, indulge me). It just is. Tomorrow may be more of the same. Maybe not. Then again, perhaps more on the maybe side since I just remembered we're gonna lose an hour of sleep due to daylight savings. Daylight savings. What a joke. We can't save up daylight any more than we can control the rotation of the earth. Personally I think it's our government's way of keeping us all grumpy. Maybe I'll move to Arizona since they don't participate. Nah. I couldn't stand the heat. Instead I'll grump about time, and the fact I wanted to take some sky (starlight) photos tonight but the clouds messed with that idea. I'm going to bed, and put you and this entry out of your, and its, misery. G'night. |
| I listened to a song on the way home last night, and one line said something about God being invisible. I wrinkled my nose at it, because God is not invisible. Sure we may not know what he looks like, such as the color of his eyes or the shape of his nose. But we do see the work of his hands in all things around us. The first is to look at our own eyes, our own nose. We can study the shape of the hand, how all the muscles, tendon and bones move effortlessly on our part, but it's their sheer complexity that guarantees the grace and beauty of movement of our own creations. Do we really need to see God's face in order to finally believe he exists or at least is not invisible? After all, you've never seen my face. Yet you still believe I exist. Besides, by looking at all of God's creation from the ever-expanding universe to even the unimaginable complexity of a living cell, how can we see God in a form we'd understand. Can a protozoa -- if it could achieve complex thought -- see the face of the person studying it under a microscope? Would it even comprehend what it saw? Or would the human be too large for the single-celled organism to see the whole person, and call it as such? Are we not that protozoa when compared to God? So even while we beg to see God's face, he cannot show us. We simply wouldn't comprehend it. A friend of mine reminded me of a scripture passage that dealt with the very question of God's supposed invisibility: "But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness.<sup> </sup>They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God." -- Romans 1:18-20 (NLT) Well, actually God did show his face once. His name was Jesus. |
Yesterday I decided (and Kåre Enga in Udon Thani  suggested) to create yet another blog on what I’m learning about photography, both when it comes to the equipment and technique. Little did I realize when I first bought my prosumer (a point-and-shoot camera with manual capabilities) that it would suck me in to the point I ache to learn more. Expecting the camera to do all the work isn’t enough for me. I want to be able to control the lighting, coloring, depth-of-field, etc, and use them in creative ways. I want to know what makes good photography.So I will be doing a lot of reading and practicing, and to keep up with my writing, I will share what I’ve learned. I will also share my successful photos, perhaps even my failures. Mostly, I want to share the infinite creativity in God’s creation, large and small. The new blog is called “To Be or Not to Be — A Photographer “.I hope to see you there, both to share in my journey and provide any insights you may have. |
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