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Rated: 18+ · Book · Comedy · #2144562
Re-dedicated - April 1, 2021, Brother Nature's views from the Winnipeg River SE Manitoba
My Writing.com experience continues...30 Day Blog Challenger, Andre the blog Monkey's Banana Bar Founder, Aging Baby Boomer. Here you'll find a warm welcome, maybe I'll make you laugh out loud - That's my goal. Thanks for visiting.

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May 4, 2021 at 10:23pm
May 4, 2021 at 10:23pm
PROMPT May 4th
May the Fourth Be With You!

Write about a movie franchise or book series that you love.


Because I mentioned him as one of my idols on the May 1st prompt I will write about Douglas Adam's four-book trilogy 'Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy.'

I was hooked on this series from the first chapter of the first book, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe (1980), Life, the Universe and Everything (1982), So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish (1984) are the other three books.

I enjoy Adams' writing style and his creativity. I feel like saying, "I share his sense of humor" or something like that. He makes me laugh; I'll put it that way.

The first book has been made into a movie, an animated movie, a radio play, and there are many audiobooks available. I know that most readers have read at least the first book, it's one of the few books that I have re-read. In case you haven't read the book, I won't write a spoiler.
I highly recommend this if you're looking for a fun read.

I've just discovered this audiobook, read by the author.

I'm going to give this a try later tonight.

For the
30-Day Blogging Challenge  (13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Official May Challenge on Now!
#1786069 by Fivesixer
May 3, 2021 at 10:47pm
May 3, 2021 at 10:47pm
PROMPT May 3rd
What was the best thing that happened in your life over the weekend? Looking at the week ahead, what are your goals and how will you motivate yourself to achieve them?

It's always feast or famine, sink or swim, comedy or tragedy, nothing is ever easy, and then it starts to rain...whatever, life goes on, and now it's Monday again.

The best part of my weekend was, I didn't crush the tip of my left index finger by dropping a loaded trailer on it. That was last weekend. This weekend I only suffered emotional injury, just as painful, but a different kind of pain. It's nice to have choices.

May 2, 2021 at 10:23pm
May 2, 2021 at 10:23pm
PROMPT May 2nd
What smell or sounds brings back great memories of your childhood?

My dad's 1954 Oldsmobile Neighty Eight was a slick-looking car. One Friday afternoon he left me sitting in the passenger seat while he went in to rob the Royal Bank on the corner of Mountain and Main. The last thing he said to me before closing the car door was, "stay here and watch out for the cops." I sort of knew he was kidding about robbing the bank, but I figured I should keep an eye out for the cops anyway.
I was so proud to be seated in that car; it had a three-color paint scheme (gloss white, light grey, and candy-apple red) and a lot of brightly polished chrome. The car was an eye-catcher and I was enjoying all the attention the car was attracting. All the other drivers who passed by looked intently at the car, even peering inside to see who's in the car... Me! *Proud*
This was probably my proudest moment up to that point in my life.

Turns out, dad never robbed that bank but he did leave me sitting in a running vehicle, parked at a bus stop during rush hour, and it did occur to me sometime later in my life that those people weren't actually admiring the beauty of the car as they drove slowly by.

I've been looking around for this car lately or one like it. There is nothing like it out there, some come close, but none are identical.
One thing I remember most about dad's Olds is the smell. When the heat of the sun warmed the leather bench seats the car had a scent that was like no other. It wasn't a particularly pleasant aroma, but it wasn't overly offensive either. The fragrance was a result of the exact mix of heated leather, dust, wax, hot painted metal, and a splash of leaded fuel, with a hint of hot rubber. It's that classic car scent, I can't describe it any better.

I forgot about that car smell until many years later when I got into a late model vehicle and I picked up that very same scent and it took my memory right back to the day my dad robbed the Royal Bank on the corner of Mountain and Main.

For the
30-Day Blogging Challenge  (13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Official May Challenge on Now!
#1786069 by Fivesixer
May 1, 2021 at 6:19pm
May 1, 2021 at 6:19pm
PROMPT May 1st
Write about one (or more) of your creative idols. Who do you look up to? Whose work are you most inspired by? Why?

There is a long list of people who have inspired me with their creative genius. I am most impressed with people whose creativity is used to entertain me by making me laugh. I'm not one to idolize people, I have a hard time picking favorites, but I believe strongly in giving credit where credit is due. The first person who comes to mind is children's author, Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

Dr. Suess's poetic storybooks thought me that words can be fun, writing can be fun, words don't have to be properly spelled and officially recorded in the dictionary, words can be simply made up, just for fun, meaningless nonsense, because it rhymes. Dr. Seuss was the first author who inspired my creative spirit. I very much enjoyed reading his books and still do.

Douglas Adams is an author whose creativity and humor inspire me.

Another group of entertainers I enjoy and appreciate for the creativity they inject into their craft is comedians. Robin Williams, Johnathon Winters, Howie Mandel are a few who I find cleverly creative. I have a lot of respect for the comedians who excel at improv - Drew Carey Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, Gilda Radner.

If I were to idolize somebody, it might be someone like Edger Allan Poe, whose work is so creative and inspiring it's known around the world and transcends time.

For the
30-Day Blogging Challenge  (13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Official May Challenge on Now!
#1786069 by Fivesixer

April 14, 2021 at 1:48am
April 14, 2021 at 1:48am
Our journey brings us to St. Georges

Journaling a relocation to the town of St.Georges, beginning April 1, 2021
St. Georges, Manitoba  (13+)
Journaling a relocation to the town of St.Georges, beginning April 1, 2021
#2247522 by Brother Nature

This is self-networking, which is something I think I just made up. Maybe republishing is a better description. Some might say spam.
Either way, enjoy! It's my blog entry for today April 14, 2021, it's my Winnipeg River View.


photo from the Manitoba Historical Society

The origins of the parish go back to 1882 when Father Joachim Allard, an Oblate missionary from the Fort Alexander Indian reserve invited the people from Chateauguay Quebec to come and establish a French-Canadian parish on the Winnipeg River in 1882. It was not until 1903, after the construction of a chapel, that St. Georges officially became the Saint-Georges de Châteauguay parish. In 1909, St. Georges built its first church but unfortunately, it was destroyed by fire on May 1st, 1929. A second church (still standing) was built on the same spot and opened its doors in the month of December of that same year.

On the occasion of its centenary in 2003, a historical monument was erected near the church to commemorate the work that was accomplished by the founding members of the parish.

Key Day - April 1, 2021

Our Back Yard

St.Georges yard - April 7, 2021

April 13, 2021

We are thirteen days into the move from Sunset Bay to St. Georges. We've made several trips with the F150 so far. One room (Leslie's sewing room) has been completely emptied and the garage (My room, in a sense) has only large items left to move.

I have a cargo trailer booked for this Saturday and two teenage boys (Dakota and his Buddy) to do the heavy lifting so that by Sunday we should be 95% moved.

It's a forty-minute drive North up the Highway. The highway winds its way north as it follows the west shore of the Winnipeg River System. There is also a North Eastern route from Sunset Bay to St.Georges. The North Eastern route is a five-and-a-half-hour drive and most of the highway is unpaved. You pass through Nopining National Park, the mining town of Bisset, and Fort Alexander First Nations, so I would like to travel this route at least once when I have more time.

Google Map Sunset Bay to St. Georges
April 10, 2021 at 11:44pm
April 10, 2021 at 11:44pm
Friday, April 9

The Sims Family Murders in Tallahassee

On October 22, 1966, Robert and Helen Sims and their daughter, Joy, were found dead in their Tallahassee, Florida home by the Sims 0ldest daughter, Jeanie, when she returned from a babysitting job. “A massive search was launched to find whoever committed the crime,” a local news station recounts. But the Sims had no enemies, there was no discernible motive to the crime, and although there were suspects, no one was ever charged.

Tell us what happened, who did it, and why.
Did you do it?

I've sure solved a lot of mysteries this week and I've learned a bunch of stuff, but this one might be tough.
There's not a lot to go on in the prompt as far as clues go.
We know that Daughter, Jeanie was out at her babysitting job, but nothing is mentioned of the cause of the death of her parents and sister.
It would be helpful to know exactly how they died; more so than knowing Jeanie was out babysitting.
I could probably find some details by Googling it. Yeah, I should do that. I won't be able to solve this mystery otherwise.

Sims murder mystery

Well, I'd have to say that is a legitimate crime. I conclude that foul play is certainly suspected.

And a second babysitting sibling, Judith Ann, who was fifteen years old at the time.

This is a bit of a long shot but I'm going to take a stab at it. (a bit of murderer's inside joke there)

The couples that hired the Sims sisters to babysit that night belonged to some sort of, couples who commit murder cult, or something like that.

They used the cover of going to the football game but instead went out and murdered a family.

The problem was when the foursome discovered that everyone in town was really at the football game, after all, it was October, so you know it's going to be a playoff game. Go Seminoles! They couldn't find anyone at home to murder.

Then one of them remembered that Jeanie, whose real name is Norma, Jeanette, but everyone calls her Virginia said that their parents were going to be at home watching TV all night, so the group of murders decided to go murder the Sims family.

It's interesting that Judith was asked to stay with the couple that just murdered her family, because not only did they get away with murder, but they probably wouldn't have to pay Judith anymore for babysitting, while she stayed with them.

It all comes down to the same thing every time... Being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

April 9, 2021 at 12:42am
April 9, 2021 at 12:42am
Plain of Jars
Location: Xiangkhoang Plateau, Laos

More than 2,000 large ancient stone jars are spread across a plateau in Central Laos. Some stand 10 feet tall and weigh several tons. Archaeologists estimate the jars are 2,000 years old, but their purpose is unclear. The most common theories are that they were used as funeral urns.

What do you think these urns were for?

WARNING! Reading this entry may give you worldly knowledge you're not supposed to have. Once you read this entry it will be nearly impossible to unread it.

I resisted the urge to research the mystery of the Plain of Jars, I wanted to see if I could think of a plausible theory on my own by simply meditating while picturing the images of the jars in my mind. I was taken back in time, further than I have ever been before, beyond the stone age. It was there, that I learned the secret to the mystery. It wasn't only this one mystery I learned the answer to, but several mysteries.
I learned the secrets that time has hidden from us, and now will reveal the forgotten event that has baffled humankind for eons.

The Plain of Jars (Laos) *Bullet* STONEHENGE (ENGLAND) *Bullet* CARNAC (FRANCE) *Bullet* MYSTERIOUS STONE SPHERES (COSTA RICA)*Bullet* DEER STONES (MONGOLIA AND SIBERIA) *Bullet* AVEBURY HENGE (ENGLAND) *Bullet* GOCHANG DOLMEN SITE (SOUTH KOREA) *Bullet* Great Pyramid of Giza (Egypt) *Bullet* Candle Rock (Japan) *Bullet* Stone Statues (Easter Island) *Bullet* The Terracotta Army (China) All of these and so many more, too many to list them all. MYSTERIES SOLVED! You're Welcome.

This is not exactly how I discovered the solution to all of these mysteries, but it may be the easiest way to tell the story, so you can best understand it.

Here we go. No turning back now.

Andre the prehistoric craft monkey was hot, tired, and frustrated. He had been chipping away at his stone for weeks, pounding rock on rock, trying to make a larger beer mug. Andre was a master craft monkey who specialized in making stone tools, like the stone tool he was using to craft his new beer mug. Motivated by the idea that a second larger beer mug would permit the drinking of more beer Andre kept pounding away.
Suddenly a T-rex charged out of nowhere, and momentarily caught Andre off guard, but Andre was not only quick-witted he was quick on his feet and was able to run swiftly to the safety cave. From the safety of the safety cave, Andre threw stone stones at the T-rex. The stones didn't bother the T-rex at all, but still, Andre liked to throw them all the same. While Andre waited for the T-rex to move on, he thought about all the things he would make out of stone, if only he had the time. Not only was he a master crafter monkey he was also a very inventive monkey. He had ideas and dreams of making a multitude of things, most of which haven't been invented yet, but he was frustrated because it took so long and it was very laborious to even make a simple beer mug. Andre tossed another Stone stone at the T-rex, just out of spite. This time, however, when the stone hit the T-rex the T-rex vaporized right in front of Andre. There was nothing left of the T-rex except a pile of bones. Andre was frightened but curious, and he didn't have time to create too deep of a back story, so he peeked out from the safety cave and saw a site never seen before. Andre's mind became awash in colors, colors that didn't even exist, and then... poof!

The story advances.

Greetings Andre the craft monkey, I am Crayola, the creator of imaginary things. I'm from very far into the future and I travel back to your time to vaporize some dinosaurs because I want to create mysteries that scientists can't figure out and besides I'm a dick. While I was vaporizing that dinosaur, and by the way, those bones will be there for quite a while, I read your mind and I know all of your thoughts and everything about you. So let's not piss around, I know what you want and I know when you want it. So here's the deal...

Crayola produced a product from the future and showed it to Andre, it was a small piece of styrofoam. Then Crayola produced a heated carving tool and began to shape the styrofoam piece into an exact likeness of Andre. Soon there were more pieces of styrofoam and another carving tool. Crayola taught Andre how to carve objects and Andre carved himself a fine beer mug.

I will have to leave soon and return to the future but first, let's have some fun. I will transform all the stone on earth into styrofoam and then you and I will travel around the globe and carve statues and structures. We'll make enormous buildings and impossible feats of engineering all over the planet. Then when we're done. I'll turn it all back into stone.

So that's what happened. That explains everything, even the dinosaurs. Well, it wasn't exactly like that. It could have been a genie in a bottle granting wishes, or a sorcerer casting spells. But the underlying principle is the stone was all made into styrofoam, carved into shape, then turned back to stone.

I don't know, I thought I had something there.

April 7, 2021 at 10:59pm
April 7, 2021 at 10:59pm
The Flannan Isles Lighthouse Disappearances
In 1900, three keepers of the Flannan Isles Lighthouse off the west coast of Scotland disappeared under the strangest of circumstances. The lighthouse was manned by a three-person team (Thomas Marshall, James Ducat, and Donald MacArthur), with a fourth man rotating in from shore. On Boxing Day (December 26) of 1900, the relief keeper arrived to find none of the lighthouse keepers present. The only sign that anything was amiss was an overturned chair near the kitchen table. No bodies were ever found, which has led to endless speculation. Theories range from drownings to abduction by foreign spies, a ghost ship, or a giant sea monster. Whatever happened back in December 1900 at the Flannan Isles Lighthouse, we may never know.

So, tell us what happened to the lighthouse keepers!

I'm only going to make a few points that may in fact add to the mystery of the lighthouse three.

The significance of the number three appears in the joyful mysteries of the bible.

And on the third day, he rose again, so when they returned to his burial tomb they found Jesus gone.
the relief keeper arrived to find none of the lighthouse keepers present

On the day Jesus was born he was visited by three magi from the east, who followed a light in the sky.
A little bit of a connection there, three lighthouse keepers, lighthouses create lights in the sky.

Then there's the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Speaks for itself.

One from Charles Dickens - Eboneeser Scrooge was visited by three spirits on Christmas eve.
A bit of a stretch, I'll admit it.

And finally, One, by Three Dog Night.
Now I'm just making shit up.

I'm fairly certain there is a pattern here.

It is a pretty boring job, being a lighthouse keeper, they probably just buggered off for a Christmas drink and decided to keep on drinking.

April 6, 2021 at 10:45pm
April 6, 2021 at 10:45pm
Prompt: Tuesday, April 6

Ghost Ship: The Mary Celeste

On December 4, 1872, a British-American ship called “the Mary Celeste” was found empty and adrift in the Atlantic. It was found to be seaworthy and with its cargo fully intact, except for a lifeboat, which it appeared had been boarded in an orderly fashion. But why? We may never know because no one on board was ever heard from again.

In November 1872, the Mary Celeste set sail from New York bound for Genoa, Italy. She was manned by Captain Benjamin Briggs and seven crew members, including Briggs’ wife and their 2-year-old daughter. Supplies on board were ample enough for six months, and luxurious—including a sewing machine and an upright piano. Commentators generally agree that to precipitate the abandonment of a seaworthy ship, some extraordinary and alarming circumstance must have arisen. However, the last entry on the ship’s daily log reveals nothing unusual, and inside the ship, all appeared to be in order.

Theories over the years have included mutiny, pirate attack, and an assault by a giant octopus or sea monster. In recent years, scientists have posed the theory that fumes from alcohol onboard caused an explosion that, as a result of a scientific anomaly, did not leave behind signs of burning—but was terrifying enough that Briggs ordered everyone into the lifeboat.

Give us your opinion of what happened. Maybe you were even there?!

The ship was built in 1861 at Spencer's Island, Nova Scotia, Canada, and named the Amazon.

I know, I was there.

She was built of pure evil, and the breath of Satan himself powered her sails. No captain could ever control such a vessel, such a vessel controls its own destiny and charts its own course. Dead is the first captain who tried to sail her and buried at the bottom of the ocean are the ships that met her bow. She came aground on Cape Breton Island in 1867 and was severely damaged, only to be rebuilt and renamed, The Mary Celest.

My monkey friend, Andre bragged about building the ship himself, even though he really only painted the name on the bow. (and he misspelled it twice! It was supposed to be called 'The Amazing' and then 'The Celine Dion')

"The Celine Dion! You painted The Mary Celest that's not even close Andre!"

"I know, but I'm saving that name for something else," Andre explained as he gulped vodka from a leaking keg.

It was Andre who talked me into joining the crew for the voyage from New York City to Genoa, Italy. That slick-talking monkey convinced me that the "built of pure evil, and the breath of Satan himself powered her sails" was just drunk monkey talk. Andre promised me the opportunity to someday join his dream of owning a cyber bar on the internet, as soon as the world wide web gets invented. I had no idea what he was talking about most of the time, but you can't beat fun, so off we went.

Captain Benjamin Briggs welcomed us to the crew and made Andre first mate. Andre gave out the jobs to the crew members and assigned the sleeping quarters. Captain Briggs had his wife and 2-year-old daughter on board for the sailing. It's scientific fact that women are bad luck on a ship. Andre made sure to separate the women at night by sharing his cabin with Mrs. Briggs. I was cabin mate with Smitty, who Andre stationed below deck for the entire voyage. Andre assigned himself the job of ship's pianist even though he didn't even know how to play.
I leered at him as he bashed randomly on the keys. When he looked up he shouted to me, "grab that mop matey, the deck isn't going to swab itself."

The other two crew members were brothers Jack and Joe Jet. Besides Captain Briggs, Jack and Joe were the only crew members that could actually sail a ship, and nobody ever heard from Smitty again, once he went below deck.

Things were going pretty well, we were a few days out to sea, and everyone was getting along fine. I enjoyed a good game of patty whack with the young Briggs girl, she was a sweet little girl who loved to play, laugh, and sing. Yep, things were going good, smooth sailing... that is until Andre learned what our cargo was... Booze! Tons and tons of alcohol.

I don't want to sound like I'm blaming Andre for everything that happened, but everything that happened was completely Andres's fault and doing.

Andre starting drinking first thing in the morning, Mrs. Briggs mentioned it was kind of early to be drinking, don't you think?
Andre's response, "You can't say you drank all day if you don't get an early start."

That night we were all tired, but Andre was playing piano and singing at the top of his lungs. Luckily the little girl was able to sleep through the whole thing. At one point Andre pointed at Captain Ben, as Andre started to refer to him as, and brothers Jack and Joe Jet.

I got it Andre slurred, "lissen to dis." He started bashing the piano keys and sang loudly, Benny...Benny...Benny, Benny, and the Jets.
Benny...Benny...Benny, Benny, and the Jets.

It was unbearable, he just kept going, it was driving us all mad. Benny...Benny...Benny, Benny, and the Jets.
Benny...Benny...Benny, Benny, and the Jets.

I helped Captain Briggs, his family, Jack, and Joe into the lifeboat then went to look for Smitty but couldn't find him.
A few hours later the piano fell silent and so did Andre. I went to sleep as well. I thought that I only slept a short time, but when I awoke
Andre and I were riding dolphins at a mall in Dubai.

Weird or what?

April 5, 2021 at 12:22am
April 5, 2021 at 12:22am
5-Day Mystery Challenge by Lilli ☕

Prompt for Monday, April 5
The Crooked Forest
Location: West Pomerania, Poland

This Polish forest lives up to its name, with hundreds of peculiar pine trees. Several hundred pine trees were planted there in the 1930s and grew with an almost 90-degree bend at their base, making them look like fishing hooks. Some believe that a technique or human tool was actually used to make the trees curve this way, while others speculate that a winter snowstorm or some other damage could have given this fascinating forest its interesting shape.

Give us your own creative reason why the trees are this way.

In one word - Agrarianism

What is Agrarianism? Well, let's try to figure this out. It might have something to do with something.

We know that seven out of ten of the people worked on farms as peasants. Polish agriculture suffered from the usual handicaps of Eastern European nations: technological backwardness, low productivity, and lack of capital and access to markets.

Technological Backwardness! Ah Ha!

They have that in Saskatchewan,(technological backwardness) my neighbor to the west, where people work on farms as peasants. I called the Mayor of Saskatchewan, and he hung up on me, but not before confirming that they too have a crooked forest, but they call it a crooked bush and it's comprised of Aspen trees, not Pine trees like in Poland.

So we know that Agrarianism, technological backwardness, and trees have something to do with it, so really the question is... What is it?

I'm thinking German tanks. They rolled over the newly planted trees, flattening them. But the trees refused to die, and continued to grow, horizontally at first but then they corrected themselves.

Glad we got that all sorted out.

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