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Rated: 18+ · Book · Comedy · #2144562
Re-dedicated - April 1, 2021, Brother Nature's views from the Winnipeg River SE Manitoba
My Writing.com experience continues...30 Day Blog Challenger, Andre the blog Monkey's Banana Bar Founder, Aging Baby Boomer. Here you'll find a warm welcome, maybe I'll make you laugh out loud - That's my goal. Thanks for visiting.

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April 26, 2023 at 12:32am
April 26, 2023 at 12:32am
Will the AI "ChatBots" replace most writers because it can "write" anything asked (essays, stories, bios, etc.)?
As a writer, do you feel threatened? Can what it writes be trusted (truth or garbage)?

Someday everything will be artificial, it started with the Christmas Trees. I knew this would happen, but I didn't think it would happen to me, but it did, but that's the way it goes, but someone could have told me, but it's not like AI can write like this I bet, but I'd probably lose that bet.

The day I wrote about my monkey muse, Andre the Blog Monkey, I thought I was making things up - creative writing - like the news writers at Fox News, but no! Andre is a real imaginary thing.

Now that I've let the cat out of the bag, or the monkey out of the box, or whatever you let monkeys out of, Andre has almost completely taken over partly most of my writing.

Do I feel threatened? Not at all. Most of my writing is good for the garbage, and Andre has this certain appeal. (pun intended)
And nobody cares about the truth anymore, not now that it can be mass-produced artificially.

I've been replaced by an imaginary monkey with a drinking problem and I'm okay with it.
I am thankful for Chatbot, though. Chatbot is always there for me when I need something to talk to.


April 18, 2023 at 1:51pm
April 18, 2023 at 1:51pm
Professional sports - Are we reliving Roman gladiators or capitalizing profits? Opinion

My Grandfather once said, "Baseball players shouldn’t discuss the details of their contracts in the public press – It’s ruining the game of baseball."
I believe he was right about that. Player contract negotiations are widely publicized now in all professional sports at all levels. YAWN.

Do you want to relive the era of Roman gladiators? ... Box Lacrosse.

Lacrosse: Noun
a game, originated by Indians of North America, in which two 10-member teams attempt to send a small ball into each other's netted goal, each player is equipped with a crosse or stick at the end of which is a netted pocket for catching, carrying, or throwing the ball.

Box Lacrosse brings the game indoors, it’s played on the concrete floor of a hockey rink. Speaking of hockey… you must learn something about, ‘cross-checking’.

Crosscheck: Noun
Ice Hockey. an obstructing or impeding of the movement or progress of an opponent by placing the stick, with both hands, across the opponent's body or face.

In the game of hockey, cross-checking is an illegal form of contact. If the referee catches you crosschecking an opponent, you’ll receive a 2-minute penalty. (4 minutes if you make them bleed – and if you do it right, they will.) In some cases, a player may receive a 5-minute major penalty and be forced to leave the game for cross-checking an opponent. If you did this to someone in public you’d be charged with attempted murder and serve ten years in prison.

In the game of Box Lacrosse crosschecking is an allowable form of contact. Brutal AF!

So, we have the brutality of the Roman Gladiators, greed for profit, combined with the need for selling beer all rolled up into, what I like to call, the NHL Playoffs.

My Opinion? I like watching hockey, and I probably shouldn’t have stopped drinking beer.

April 22, 2022 at 12:02am
April 22, 2022 at 12:02am
PROMPT April 21, 2022
Tell us what happens when you take Andre to work.
(Workplace setting can be real or made-up, but it would be much more fun to use your actual workplace.)


This is a true Monkey in the workplace story that happened to me today. I was in the dentist's chair having my teeth cleaned. They have a television screen mounted on the ceiling which gives the patients something to look at other than the ceiling tiles. Due to COVID, I deferred my dental appointments for nearly two years, so the dental hygenist needed to do a little more aggressive scraping,( 3 units of scaling - if you know how to keep score) I'll spare you the details.

I was happy with the TV, watching it helped me to focus on something other than the cleaning, watching the TV relaxed me to some degree. What made it even more special was that the TV program was a nature documentary about monkeys.

It's as if they knew I have a monkey muse who owns a cyber bar or maybe it's just like Andre the Blog Monkey has always said, "If you want to make someone feel relaxed - You need a monkey."

My point is I was very much enjoying the whole experience. I would have had a huge smile on my face if it wasn't for Bob the hygenist running a mini jackhammer on my teeth.

So! There I was, having my teeth cleaned and watching monkeys on TV. There was no sound, so I watched the monkey troop hang out in the jungle seemingly in silence. There were monkeys in the trees and monkeys on the ground, some were roaming around and others were just relaxing in the noonday sun. There was a group of deer there too, sharing the shade of the trees. A couple of deer stood and grazed on the tall grass while some others laid in the shade. What a beautiful scene, I'm so lucky to be able to experience this day in the jungle with the monkeys and the deer. But then... one monkey, that was up a tree, dropped down onto the back of a deer grazing on the tall grass... And quick as a wink, that little monkey got behind that deer and started... well... givin 'er. Doing the wild thing.

That took me completely by surprise. I immediately responded. I automatically raised my arms in an effort to wave the nasty little bugger away and I would have shouted out, but Hygienist Bob was doing his thing, so the only sound I managed to make was a gurgle ga go!

Bob stopped scaling and stepped back. "Did that hurt?"

No! I motioned to the TV no, no, um, ah, um, I'm fine, I'm good, yep, all good. (My exact words)

Bob went back to work and I paid a little less attention to the TV while I thought, "You never know what can happen when you have monkeys in the workplace."

Andre shared this photo with me. *Shock2* I had no idea!

~~Image ID# 2271758's Content Rating Exceeds Item Content Rating~~

March 2, 2022 at 6:07pm
March 2, 2022 at 6:07pm



The very next day Andre was busy in his office, we could hear him mashing his telephone, muttering an endless sentence of random obscenities under his breath. Just outside his office door Lilli and I sipped our coffee as Richard swept up broken glass.

"Reggie! Your busting my balls mate! You gotta help me out! I did this Johnny Cash thing last night and I got booed off the stage."

long pause

"Reggie! Mate! Forget trying to understand how the Queen owes me a favor, she does, and you're that favor.
I need you to come down to the Banana Bar, put on a pair of novelty eyeglasses and an outrageous hat, and play the piano for an hour or so."

That was all we heard of the conversation because Andre farted then giggled for thirty seconds, we all laughed, it doesn't take much. Later that day Andre announced that he had hired an international legendary music icon, like a really big act to play the Banana Bar.
Andre kept the name of the performer secret, so he would have options should plan A go monkey-nuts. Nobody knew who was going to be the big show, right up until showtime.

The Banana Bar was filled beyond capacity, the noise level in the room was that of a very crowded room filled with noisy people, but when the house lights dimmed the room got very quiet, except for the faint sound of someone giggling.

The lights went down in the Banana Bar except for a single spotlight pointing down on center stage. As the spotlight slowly brightened a deep voice resonated through the speakers. "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the Banana Bar stage, Sir Elton John"

Elton John started to pound out the first few notes of Bennie and the Jets on the concert grand piano and the Banana Bar went totally bananas - in a good way this time.

This was the best thing that ever happened in the Banana Bar almost ever! Elton fricken Joh... Then it all stopped as if the power was cut.

The room went silent. No piano, no Elton John, no B-B-B-Bennie, and the Jets, no yelling, screaming, or whooopassin, not even a faint giggle.

Then as the house lights came back on we saw it, it was Andre.

Andre was wading through the crowd, wildly waving his arms, making his way to the stage he was shouting something but couldn't be understood because added to the chorus of boos and groans, people were starting to murmur again. They were murmuring things like, "Oh No it's that drunk Monkey again" "Look! It's Johnny Cash!" and "Let Elton John play!" "Andre's about to do something stupid" "Not again"

Now, Andre has made his way up to the piano and not knowing the microphone was live began scolding Elton John for all to hear.

Reggie, what the hell are you doing? People are going to know you're not Elton John.

But I am Elton John.

No, you're not Elton John, you're Reginald Kenneth Dwight - Bono from the band U2.

I'm Elton John. Paul David Hewson is Bono from U2.

I thought Robert Allen Zimmerman was Bono's real name.

No! That's Bob Dylan's real name.

This is all so confusing. Which one are you again?

I'm Elton John. You were calling me Reggie, remember?

Yeah, but that was when I thought you were The Edge from U2.

You thought I was Bono, and The Edge's real name is David Howell Evans.

By this time the crowd in the Banana Bar began to murmur again adding an increasing louder chorus of boooos and hiss'es. Until Elton John stood up and said...

Settle down! you bunch of Banana Bar Boo Birds. Andre is just messing with you. I am the real Elton John and I brought a few friends with me.

Then the deep voice resonated through the speakers again. "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the Banana Bar stage, Sir Elton John, Bono, The Edge, Bob Dylan, Andre the Blog Monkey as Johnny Cash, Johnny Cash, Boy George, and The Queen of England on the Kazoo."

All of these performers gathered on the stage at the Banan Bar (true story) and the crowd went nuts. (they were all a bit nutty before they got there) and the band began to play.

Here's a little song we collaborated on, and it goes like this...

Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday dear, Adherennium.
Happy birthday to you.

The rest of the night was a blur, just like every other night at Andre's Blogging Banna Bar.

Thanks to Richard ~ for sweeping up the broken glass. (every time - every single time)

March 2, 2022 at 4:54am
March 2, 2022 at 4:54am



Andre once played with (your choice of the artist, this can be a fictional or actual artist). Andre got fired. Why?


The lights went down in the Banana Bar except for a single spotlight pointing down on center stage. As the spotlight slowly brightened a deep voice resonated through the speakers. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the Banana Bar stage The Monkey in Black - Johnny Cash

seated under the fully lighted spotlight was Andre the Blog Monkey. He was dressed entirely in black leather. He had his hair slicked back, his hair was so shiny the reflection from the spotlight into the bar room blinded three people. He held a gloss black Gibson acoustic guitar.
In one hand he held a Monkey Bar Martini (straight vodka over ice) in his other hand he had a smoldering cigarette. (Andre never smoked, it was just for looks) In his foot, he held a second Monkey Bar Martini because that's the way Andre rolls. Andre took a greedy slug from his drink and dropped the glass to the floor. He gripped the neck of the Gibson guitar and moved his mouth to within an inch of the microphone, and in his deepest voice said, "I'm Johny Cash"

The bar was packed. You couldn't fit another person in the building, and as Andre strummed the first chord on the guitar the entire room erupted.

In a chorus of boos and disapproving comments abound like "get off the stage you drunk monkey"
and "You're not Johnny Cash" Where's Johnny Cash?" "You said Johnny Cash would be here!" Boooo.

Andre downed his foot martini and tossed the glass, then, in what possibly was the worst ever impersonation of Elvis Presley Andre said into the microphone. "Thank you, thank you very much." Then promptly fell off his stool.

The lights came back on in the barroom and Lilli served courtesy drinks in way of an apology.

Another fun night in the Banana Bar and another story about Andre's musical career which almost amounted to a reasonable blog entry.

February 3, 2022 at 1:55am
February 3, 2022 at 1:55am
Well, that was Groundhog Day and another six weeks of winter is in-store. I was hoping for an early spring. I cleared a heart attack pile of snow from the steep AF driveway. Three feet high snowdrift running along the entire length of the driveway. Happy freaking Groundhog Day.
Everyone knows about Punxsutawney Phil -
Punxsutawney Phil is a groundhog in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, who is the central figure in the borough's annual Groundhog Day celebration. On February 2 each year, Punxsutawney holds a civic festival with music and food. Wikipedia

Here in Manitoba, we have Manitoba Merv - Manitoba Merv Is a puppet who has 25 years of experience predicting the... ... ... a puppet! An actual puppet? Are you kidding me, a puppet?


I'm doing 100% on my New Years' resolution to write every day. I would have liked to participate in the 30Day Blog Challenge, but sadly there wasn't one in January. The Banana Bar kept me busy writing, I hosted two 5 Day Mini-Challenges and put up blog prompts most other days.
I also did a fair amount of technical writing, I wrote a speech for my Toastmasters group, The purpose of my speech was to engage my audience with humor. Another writing activity I'm doing is journaling on a phone app called Quillo. Every day I add a title for the day and add a photo of the day. I also record my daily weigh-in. I lost 10 lbs in January. If all that isn't enough writing, I'm buried in writing projects in my Lions Club International role as club president and marketing and communications chair. I'm starting to bore myself ... I know, right.


I'm We're going to Mexico in February.


Guess I'll check on what Andre is up to.

Say something nice to someone sometime soon.
January 8, 2022 at 3:54pm
January 8, 2022 at 3:54pm
PROMPT January 9, 2022


Queen NormaJean May God begood Provided the idea for today's prompt.

We all have that certain something, real or imagined, that drives us crazy.


Write your best rant in a 'Letter to the Editor' style blog entry. Watch the video for some inspiration.


Dear Editor

I think it's about time that something was done about that, that... that Banana Bar.
I can't believe such a thing is allowed to exist in our neighborhood. It's owned by an imaginary monkey for crying out loud! Is that even legal? It's gotten totally out of control. The bar manager Lilli ☕️ 🧿 can be seen with a drink in her hand at all hours. She says it's just coffee, but then she giggles into her cup. You can hear a trombone playing late into the night. Barking dogs? They have dogs! How do these characters get a liquor license? But not only that, there's this guy, who lives in the basement. He can be seen in the back lane sculking about pouring some sort of liquids into bottles. Andre the Blog Monkey's Banana Bar attracts a strange group of bloggers to the community. One of them is an actual panda. An actual %$@#S! panda! I'm not sure this is a good thing for our community or if it's even good for the environment.
Bad for the environment, yep, very bad, very very bad. There have been some pretty foul smells emitting from that building. Mind you, the food is pretty good if you don't mind the occasional monkey hair in your butter chicken, which is Friday's special. Maybe closing the place would be too harsh, maybe a fence could be built around it. Hmmm, that monkey would just climb the fence. That panda could probably do it too. I guess all those blog writers need a place to hang out. Now that I've thought about it the Banana Bar isn't as much a trashy dive bar as it tries to be. I completely changed my opinion with respect to the Banana Bar. I am still going to post my rant because I said I was going to write every day in January. Kindly disregard everything you read.

Writing this for a friend

January 3, 2022 at 8:43pm
January 3, 2022 at 8:43pm
PROMPT January 3, 2022

Take your pick of either or both of these blog prompts.

1. True confessions: Tell us why you'll always be a hippy.

2. If money was no object, but you can only renovate one room in your house...What would you do?


It all started because it was Tuesday and I had to write a blogging prompt. I thought I would embed a youtube video 'Groovey Tuesday'

Well, there ya go!

No! That's not what I wanted. Then I learned... It's Ruby Tuesday, not Groovey Tuesday. All this time! *FacePalm*

Now my whole 'hippy' prompt doesn't make any sense. It was doomed from the start because Andre immediately hated it, and ran off to write blog prompts of his own.

For What it's worth...

Unlimited Budget Bathroom Renovation Plan

The floor plan is large, similar in size to an NHL team locker room, but instead of being furnished to host an entire hockey team mine would be designed for my personal use, and maybe a guest. maybe

There would be a swimming pool, hot tub, steam room, and sauna. State-of-the-art exercise equipment would be surrounded by a running track. High definition large screen monitors would be strategically placed throughout, along with pro logic surround sound audio. I might ad a shower and toilet somewhere if there's space. My colors are light grey, burgundy, with high gloss black and white trim.

Thanks for reading if you're still with me.

January 2, 2022 at 7:03pm
January 2, 2022 at 7:03pm
PROMPT January 2, 2022
We used to read the newspaper in the old days, then discuss our feelings about the various news stories. We called it conversation.
Write a blog entry about a current news story in your area. Tell us your opinion on the topic and invite your readers to engage in a conversation in the comments.


I wrote this prompt before going to bed last night. When I opened my phone this morning I read the first headline and I knew it was going to be a great day. the headline read... RUSSIAN, CHECH JUNIOR HOCKEY TEAMS BOOTED FROM PLANE -The Globe and Mail.

The International Ice Hockey Association (IIHCA) canceled their annual tournament after the second game due to COVID.
Last year's tournament was canceled outright.

We have a nearly 30-year tradition of watching team Canada play their first game of the tournament on Boxing Day each year. I'm so glad we at least got to see that, it made Christmas seem a little more normal.

This news story is the first news I've seen since the cancelation news. It was a little like going back in time because this is not the first time the Russian Junior Team has been kicked off a plane. A couple of years back, when the Russian team won the gold medal, several players were taken off the plane before take-off for drunk and rowdy behavior. Keep in mind this is a junior tournament and most of the players are sixteen and. seventeen years old. At the end of the day, I think it was all summed up as boys will be boys and that's the way we roll.

Best part of tournament is plane ride home *CountryUSSR*

This time it's a little different because a Russian Official in first class was acting out, refusing to wear a mask, and vaping as well as some players who were drunk and disorderly and refusing to comply with the COVID protocol. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior, it's completely disrespectful. Not like they had anything to celebrate!

From what I understand about the situation is that... The Russian Official was the main nincompoop and had some support from the boozed-up Russian youngsters. The Chech players were got up in the confusion because they looked and spoke like Russians.

Okay, so maybe not everybody likes hockey. No worries, there is one more news story.

Here it is:
No jail for B.C. man who killed cat, assaulted wife after he didn't get a birthday party - Vancouver Sun

Warning: This story may be distressing to some readers.

I'll see you in the comments.
January 1, 2022 at 6:13pm
January 1, 2022 at 6:13pm
PROMPT January 1, 2022
Write a personal review of 2021. Tell us about your hopes and expectations for 2022. Write at least one new years resolution.

2021 is history and 2022 is a mystery

Confusion, change, and uncertainty - These are a few of my favorite things.
Twenty twenty-one was an awfully good year, sometimes more awful than good.
So, again, January 1st finds me walking 2021 deep into the woods and leaving it there. Same spot as we left 2019 and 2020.
This concludes my review of the year 2021.

Twenty twenty-two even though flying cars aren't here yet, has arrived. I bet we could have had flying cars if SOMEBODY didn't have to go flying off into outer space all by their selfish assed selves!

I have far too much on my plate to deal with in only one blog entry, so you can look forward to a slow burn over the course of the month. I'm pretty much a hot mess, but one thing I've learned is that I can sometimes write myself out of a bad situation. This is why I resolved to WRITE EVERY DAY in 2022.

I was surprised to find the 30DBC was not running a challenge in January. Dishaertning actually, 30DBC is where I found my love for blogging on this site, twelve years ago. Andre the Blog Monkey owes his existence to the 30DBC.

When I popped into Andre's Banana Bar to see what was going on there, I found the place empty, luckily I have a key.

Long blog entry - short. Here we are!

Writing every day - making it happen - Let's own January 2022

I'm totally making this blogging challenge up as I go. It's going to be epic, tell your friends.

Let's do this!

Brother Nature Sig #3
Made in Canada

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