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My thoughts released; a mind set free |
Good intentions will get you about as far as wishing. I never even got started on my story yesterday, but I'm about to give it another shot today. It does amaze me how difficult it is for me to write when other things are pressing. So, this morning I was up with early, got my work done for the day, faxes sent and hopefully I can work on my story now. I do still have a few other things waiting to be completed, but won't be able to send them off until tomorrow. Hopefully I will be done with my story by then. Other than not getting my story written, I had a good day, and it seems everything has healed nicely. I did more yesterday and no pain or problems at all. Now, after weeks of being semi-inactive, I suppose I better get out walking and work on some exercises to limber up before I return to work and end up hurting from head to toe. One more task to work on, but first, that story -- after all, it's not going to write itself! |
It's Wednesday and noon already, time to get writing on my story for the Challenge. I've gotten into writing it at the last minute, and that's not good. One difficult prompt that I just could not get anything going with put me off. It ended up being Friday before I even had a decent idea to write about. I needed to do some research, get some names and general character traits before I could get the story started, so it was Saturday before I really got started on my writing. That's all it took to throw me off center and behind on my writing. I did get the story done before midnight, in fact, I had it done by dinner time. I don't remember for sure, but it ended up around twelve pages long, and required me to write almost straight through the entire story non-stop. Part of it was minor research I had to do while writing, some of it is my typing speed isn't the best, and the rest was just needing to generate ideas and dialogue as I went. I never realized before I started the 52 Week Challenge, how tiring writing can be. Of course, I never wrote as much before, except in college, and that was essays on studied subjects as much as anything for English Composition, so it wasn't quite the same. I mean, it's different to cram a bunch of stuff into your head and then write about it, as compared to start with a blank slate and create the material your writing. Both are exhausting, but in different ways. Because I put so much into my writing, I find myself pretty drained after I write a story. The research part isn't the most difficult, it's just time consuming. The tiring part is putting it all together and typing it out. It requires a lot of mental activity, since I do it all within my mind, organize, store ideas, create situations and dialogue as they are required, and always, new ideas are forming and being stored for other areas of the story. Sometimes I even find myself backtracking and having to change some of the previous work to fit in an idea that came along later. Other times, I find I'm going into a whole different direction that I thought when I reached a certain point. I have to take this side jaunt, making it fit into the existing story. From here, I have to develop new material to bring me back to the place I left off, often with things slightly changed and needing adjustment as I write forward. I've looked at, and tried a few different writing programs that are suppose to make this all easier, the characters, plot, scenery, etc..., but they just don't work the same way as my head does. They tend to be more like scenes in a movie or play than the type of story I tell. Also, the distractions of having to go to different areas to find things messes up my flow. Finally, unlike most people, I don't develop a character and then write the story, so this part doesn't help at all. Instead, I get my idea for the story, and then map out the characters as they are needed. At the most, I find names for them and a brief description of how they fit in. For example, I recently wrote an item on fantasy and needed names for the main character, the wizard. I also knew that my story idea would need a few others, possibly a queen and princess, a king, the name of the areas the story would take place in, and the mother of the wizard. So, I used a name generator and found some names that fit the characters I planned on using. As I worked, I found I needed a few more names, so I went to generator and found more names. Names tend to be the most difficult for me, once I have a name that fits the mental image I have for that particular character, things flow pretty well again. The point being, I don't use a lot of writing tools. I have my dictionary, my thesaurus, a couple of name generators, and my spelling and grammar checker. I do have some note programs, but don't use them for the actual writing, just for storing ideas. Any notes I need, I usually write in a notebook beside my computer, so I can add to it as needed, look at it when needed, and never have to close or minimize the page on my word processor. Lets not say never, but seldom, since I do have to switch over to do research on the web or use a name generator. What I'm saying is, I put a whole lot of mental energy and imagery into my stories, trying to make them come alive, as they are in my mind as they unfold and play out. By the time I finish, especially if done in one sitting, I'm exhausted. It takes a few days before I can even attempt to write another story or generate ideas to use for one. That puts me where I'm at now, writing my heart out on Saturday to make the midnight deadline, then wiped for the next few days. By midweek, I'm ready to start generating ideas and by Saturday, I'm writing again. So, today i'm going to give it my best shot to end this last minute cycle and start moving things up towards the start of the week instead of the end of the week. Like I said, I'm going to try and write today, even though I don't have much of an idea yet, and therefore have not done any research. Even so, I want to generate enough of an idea to start writing the story, do the research as it's needed, trying to get at least half the story typed out this afternoon. That leaves tomorrow and Friday to finish it, at the latest. Lets see how it goes from here. |
It's been a few days again, so I better get something written in here. The weekend flew by fast, even though Rhonda had to work a half a day on Saturday. Usually, it's when we are doing things together that the clock speeds up, but Saturday was a busy day and it had the hands on the clock moving with a blur. Okay, maybe not that fast, but it sure seems like it. I didn't get up real early on Saturday, since Rhonda wasn't home; she had left the house a little after four. But I was up before eight and enjoyed a peaceful morning with the dogs. I had a couple cups of coffee and sent a text off to Rhonda, gave the dogs some attention and took them out, then got to work on my story for the 52 week challenge. I had most of the research done and characters set, I just needed to write. I didn't get much done before Rhonda got home, but it was a start. She was tired, after getting up at three, so she napped and I wrote some more. I was surprised that she didn't sleep later than she did, but it was nice to have her moving around the house. So I took a break and talked with her over a cup of coffee then got back into the story. I finished it up, although there is more to write. I left the ending a real cliff hanger, so I can return one day and write another story for the ending. I have been trying to keep my stories for the challenge short, but with many areas to go back in and add details and dialogue, so that they may one day become a full sized story, maybe even a novel. It's like they are complete stories, yet at the same time they are processed ideas that I can return to and write even more. Sunday we slept in. Rhonda had the day off, and even though she could have slept away the whole morning, she was up around six. I, in turn, woke around seven and we enjoyed some coffee and talked. We kind of made plans for the day, knowing our daughter and her children would be coming over to visit around four in the afternoon. Rhonda wanted to do some house work and laundry, I was thinking of working outside on the lawn. But, the plans changed and we had company coming over around noon. So, I helped Rhonda get things ready for our grandchildren, since our home is not child-proofed in any way. Then it was a nice visit, and by mid afternoon they headed out. It had rained off and on, starting about one, so mowing was out. Instead we just made it a quiet and relaxing afternoon and evening. We were up late, getting to bed about midnight, but we were having fun. Today I got the grass mowed while Rhonda got caught up on some paperwork, then she joined me and helped finish it up. After, we talked about a possibility of having some grandchildren stay with us for a prolong period, then took a shower and made dinner. Now, I'm here writing this and Rhonda is doing up the dishes. I should finish and give her a hand so we can relax and watch a movie before bed. |
Wow, the second day of October already, and Friday, as well. Time sure can zip past. Here it is, almost the end of the week, and I still need to write a story for the 52 Week Challenge. It was another difficult prompt for me, but I've had some ideas and have worked on story-lines and ideas through the week. I have decided on what direction I'm going to go, and have done a lot of the research already. Actually, I was about ready to start writing yesterday, but still needed to work out a few details and gather a bit more information. It was forty-five minutes past noon when I finished researching asteroids and impact information, time for Rhonda to call and for me to start us some lunch. I had just taken a few things out of the fridge when I heard the Jimmy pulling in. I was quite surprised to see Rhonda home about the time I thought she would be calling me after work. As it turned out, she had gotten done an hour earlier than I had thought. Like I said, a very pleasant surprise. The changes were for my appointment on Monday, which had originally been for Thursday. She had switched things around to compensate but had not changed the copy of the schedule here at the house. Since she was home, I wanted to spend some time together, so I didn't work any further on my story. Normally, she's working through the afternoon, but this week she has been working mornings most of the week. Just enough change to kind of throw off my routine, which is probably good, since I'll be returning to work in another couple weeks and have to adjust my routine for work, again. Today, she's working her regular hours again, so I hope to get some writing done. But I also have to work on the yard, the grass needs cutting, the pond needs cleaning, and the pump for the fountain is needing a good cleaning. So, the plan is to work on the story here in a little bit, then later, get my butt out on the mower. When I get ready for a break from mowing, I can clean the pump and add a bit more water to the pond, add a bit of bleach and let it work, then add the solution that removes the chlorine, since the birds, rabbits, squirrels, and who knows what other critters drink from it. I shouldn't need to add any of the pond treatment to it this late in the year. It won't be much longer and we will have to drain it for the winter, and with the temperature down, it should stay clear much longer than it did through the heat of summer. Also, the sun is lower in the southern sky, so less algae growth now. The biggest problem with the pond this time of year is the leaves that land in it. They are dropping fast here, and we may have to net them out every other day or so. |
I was just going to say, it's been a few days since I was in here, but it's closer to a week since I have been. Where does the time go? Well, last Thursday I was going to try and get something going for my story for the 52 Week Challenge, but it just didn't want to develop. I did get some research done, found some names, and started a general outline. Some of this was done in the form of notes, although without much organization, the story line was more in my head, and some odds and ends from my research were jotted down amoungst the names and who was to be who. I was having a bit of a difficult day on Thursday, one of the surgical sights was bothering and I was feeling pretty tired. I think the tired was just from waking so much through the night, but it may have also been a side effect of the pain and discomofort of trying to sit up and work on the computer. Between the discomfort, the bouts of pain, and being tired, I just couldn't get motivated to do much of anything. I did manage to make a nice dinner for Rhonda, however. In fact, it was kind of nice to spend more time on my feet, since sitting was being a pain -- sorry for the pun. Friday was a better day, and I had a nice morning before diving into my story. After an early lunch, around eleven, I began to write and move forward with the story. I had gotten about two and a half pages of it started on Thursday, so it wasn't a cold start, but I did need to go over that start and make a few minor changes before I continued on. It went pretty smooth and soon I was working on page six; things were flowing and I was getting into it pretty good. But I was interupted, the dogs were acting up and I had to stop to see what was going on. My brother was here. He had come over to let the dogs out while I was in surgery, and had mowed part of the yard. The mower threw the belt and he had come down to see how I was doing a couple days after I was home from surgery as well as to put a new belt on the rider. Unfortunately, it was the wrong belt, two choices for that mower and he had the wrong one. That's the way it goes. On Friday he showed up with the other belt. I had talked to him on Thursday, and he thought he would come over on Saturday, or maybe even Sunday, so I was not expecting him. Also, I had asked him to call first, just so I could know he was coming over. No call, and he brought his girlfriend with, since she had the day off. She's a bit different in her thinking than my wife and I, and it tends to be a bit of a personality conflict with her, but we try to be tolerant for my brother. This visit was much the same with her, doing things contrary to how I wanted them done, listening ot her unfounded advise which was not asked for, and just putting up with her nosing around. I knew I wouldn't get anymore writing done until after he left, so i clicked on save, then closed the word processor program and went out to see how the mower was coming along. He was just getting the new belt on, and I aassisted what little I could and visited while he worked. Once he had it done, and working great, he mowed just a little to try it out. I think he was going to mow more, or else she was while he worked on a tree that had come down a month back. the tree had blocked the road a bit, so I had trimmed it enough to clear the road, but it needed to be cut up and cleared yet. He had mentioned it before, and I had told him once I was feeling better, I would use my chainsaw and cut it up for firewood. He has an electric chainsaw, and had brought it, along with a long cord, determined to get it out of here. I didn't mind, and mentioned again that I was looking forward to restocking firewood for the firepit, and even told him to take some if he needed it. Of course, it would need some drying time, but by next spring it should be ready. I also told him I was up to mowing, that riding around on the rider wouldn't bother anything with my recent surgery. It didn't, but I did get kind of sore from the bouncing and jostling. While I mowed up around the house, he, with the help of his girlfriend, cut up the downed tree. I knew something was up when she came up by the house and got in his truck adn drove it back down. But, in diplomacy, I just left it alone and continued mowing. Now, a few years back, a huge willow tree had come down in the same general area. It had been mostly dead and snapped off in a terrible wind storm. I had cut up what I could, but my saw was just too small to handle this huge tree. I was able to cut the bigger part into three long lengths, about eight feet long. the first of these cuts wasn't too bad, I just had to cut from the top and each side. The bottom here was off the ground about thee inches, and I cut right through. But when this section cut free, the rest settled down onto the turf, so in order to cut through, I had to run the blade into the dirt just a bit. Again, I cut from the top, then one side, and then the other. Once I was close to the bottom, I was able to work the saw's bar through and cut the bottom, working the saw up until it just wouldn't go anymore. Then, I cut down and thought I would have two pieces. But the saw wasn't long enough and it didn't quite cut through. My neighbor brought his big tractor over, just out of the blue, and was able to lift this massive chunck, and the cut was deep enough that it broke off where I had been cutting. He even hauled the big parts out to the local dump, which is open for brush and wood only. It was nice to have the help, and he didn't even rut up the ground around the tree much. He did dig a few when he tried to bust the stump, which was about six foot up where it had busted in the wind, but it was too solid. So, we have been gathering dead branches and sticks, piling them on the stump and burning it a couple of times a year. We have it almost burned out now, and one more good burn would likely be the end of it. With this in mind, I told my brother and his gal to just throw the branches on the pile we had been gathering over the summer, so we could burn the stump out. the rest of the wood, that was big enough to burn in the firering, just stack it up and when honda gets home with the Jimmy, we can haul it up and stack it. Instead, they hauled everything out, the good firewood, and the branches. The local dump was locked, so he had to got to the regional landfill, which cost him a few dollars to discard it all. Now, I'm grateful for the help getting it cleaned up, and I really didn't intend for him to do any of this, but it was a very nice gesture. but, it burned up my entire day, I lost the firewood, and if they had more room for branches, his girlfriend informed me they would have unstacked my burn pile and hauled that, too. Why? I specifically said how to do it, it would have been closer to toss the branches on the pile than to haul them up to the truck, and it would have been less work for them to leave the chunks of firewood. But, that is why I don't get along with her. If she has an oppertunity to do something like that, she will go out of her way to do it. I, however, did good and said not a word. It wouldn't do anygood, it hasn't in the past, and I know it upsets him a great deal. But, that was my Friday. Saturday I was pretty stiff and sore from mowing the half I did get done before running out of gas, so I didn't do much. I took it easy and enjoyed having Rhonda home, spending some time together before working on my story. When I opened it, I was horified to see my save had not worked. None of the work I did on friday was there, and I was greatly disapointed. But, since I have M.S. Office 365, I have cloud storage for my documents as well as a lot of other files. I use this mostly for work, but also have my writing files backed up there. Thankfully, One Drive had kept backup copies of everything and I found all my changes and additions in the clouds. I was pretty happy, especially since One Drive has not been working right since I updated to Windows 10 on this old laptop. I was able to pick up where I left off, and soon had the story done. Well, not real soon, about four hours, maybe three, I wasn't counting. I read it to Rhonda and she said it was another good one. She either reads my story after I get it done, or I read it to her, depending on length. Then, she puts a checkmark on the white-board I use to log my Weekly Challenge. she had dinner about done when I finished, so we enjoyed a nice dinner and then relaxed for the evening. Sunday I spent the day with Rhonda, just kind of relaxing and enjoying the day together. We needed to get some groceries so we went shopping together, something we have not done much of lately. I enjoyed it, but by the time we got home, was hurting a lot. I also had a bulge under the incission for my hernia repair. I hadn't noticed it before, but then, I hadn't really felt around there, either. Monday I had to leave early to get to my appointment for the followup for surgery. We spent two hours driving down to Sioux Falls, spent five minutes in the waiting room, then another five minutes with the doctor and I was on my way back home, another two hours. But, it was all good news, the lump is typical, and is just swelling under the muscle he cut throw. He did say it was a pretty deep wound and would need another two or three, maybe even four weeks to heal up. But, he lifted all restrictions, telling me to just take it easy and ease back into things gradually. He also said that it was very unlikely I would injure anything if I did too much, but I'd sure hurt from it. I'll follow his advise and ease into things. I'm also following his advice aobut talking to another doctor for sleep apnea. I don't know where this will lead, but he thinks it's a good idea for me to have this checked out and follow through with surgery if required. Rhonda also agrees with this, and she knows more than anyone what happenes while I sleep. I know I wake often, and I answered most of the questions that indicate sleep apnea, I'm a prime target for it, and Rhonda confirms that I do stop breathing fairly often while I sleep. So, more tests and more treatments, but it also seems like the worst of all of this is finally over. |
Good intentions don't cary us very far, and that's pretty clear with the amount of work I managed to do on my newest story for the 52 Week Challenge. I had the best of intentions, but didn't get much of anything done with the story. I'm planning on giving it another go today, and am going to start right after I finish this entry and let the dogs out. Even though I didn't get anything done on my story yesterday, I had a real good day. That's two in a row, and with today going equally as well, I'm up to three in a row. In fact, it was because of the good day I was having that I didn't get to the story yesterday. I had so much energy the last few days I find it difficult to sit long enough to write much. For instance, yesterday I was ready to start on my story, fed the dogs and made sure I had all the little things done so I could get lost in my writing, and I do get quite lost when I write, when I decided to use some of my new found energy to surprise my wife by having the dishes all done up before she returned home from work. One more thing to get done before starting on that story. By the time I finished up the few dishes that were dirty, I had decided that I should make her dinner; her favorite dinner. She's been a real trooper through all the medical tests and procedures, and very patient with me being so tired and unable to do much to help out around her, so it seemed a nice way to tell her, "Thank you for all your support and help." Feeling a bit creative, I decided to prepare the ham a bit differently than we normally do. Besides, I was still planning on writing and didn't want to burn it or dry it out when I got lost in my writing. The answer was the big slow-cooker. Of course, it wasn't a real big ham, not with just the two of us to eat, but even a small picnic ham wouldn't quite fit into the slow cooker. With a little work, I had the shank end cut off, wrapped and in the fridge waiting to be made into a pot of bean soup. The ham now fit fine, and a little water and seasoning were added. Then, I had a thought, why not add some onion, celery, carrots, and garlic to the pot? It would season the ham well, and with a lean ham, they should be very tasty as well. Another of her favorite dishes is scalloped corn, but this would have to wait for her to get home, since I didn't have everything on hand to make it. All that left was to get the potatoes ready to cook up, put them in cold water, and then turn the heat on so they would be done shortly after she got home. I had to improvise some on the scalloped corn, since it required some baking time, but being in a creative mood, I soon had a recipe I could use on the stove; not quite the same, but close and faster. I still needed to wait for her to bring home a few items to finish it off, so it would be one of the last things to cook. Of course, by now, I had more dirty dishes piled up and quite a mess going on the counter -- a sign of good cooking I'm told. After a short break and some time looking into some character names, I returned and cleaned up my mess, the dirty dishes, and checked on the ham. It was looking good, smelling better, and making me very hungry, so I warmed up some left over chili for lunch. Not a lot, just a small cup of chili to hold me off until dinner. Now, it was going into afternoon and not a lot of time to spend writing, and the dogs were being a bit pesty, wanting more attention than normal, so I took them out for some playtime. It's kind of amazing having so much energy when I'm used to just being tired all the time, and I was enjoying myself. When we came in, it was time to get the potatoes heating, remove the vegitables from the slow cooker, and then remove the ham and transfer it to the oven for the final cooking. It was well cooked by now, but cooked in liquid. Some time uncovered in the oven would dry up the outside a bit, and give it a nice crispy skin, while hopefully not drying the inside out. Once in the oven, it was time to skim the juices and remove the fat. I didn't have time enough to cool the juice or it would have been easier to just lift the layer of fat from the top, but with a little time I skimmed it off, similar to skimming cream from fresh milk. Now, the savory juices would make a nice gravy for the potatoes, so into another pan they went to heat back up. By now, Rhonda was home and i could also try out my faster version of scalloped corn. Dinner was ready shortly after she got home, giving her time to change and visit a little while I finished up. It was a big hit, and everything turned out great, even the improvised corn. It wasn't quite as rich as the regular version we make, but since we are trying to lose some weight, it was fine. the best part of the dinner, however, was something Rhonda supplied, her beautiful smile. I may not have gotten any writing done, but I enjoyed my day, I brought her a big smile, and we had a grand dinner. In fact, the ham cooked up so nice, and tasted so good, we may have just found a new way to prepare hams all the time. the vegitables, cooked in the ham broth also tasted very good and if the slow cooker crock had been a bit bigger, I could have also added the potatoes. Perhaps next time, instead of the slow cooker, we will prepare it the same, toss in some potatoes, and just cook the whole works in the big roaster, in the oven. Now, since I didn't get to it yesterday, time to write a story... |
I'm going to do this a little different today. Usually when I get writing in a story, I don't manage to get anything written in my journal. My mind fills with thoughts and ideas for the story, I'm preocupied with naming and setting characters, and I'm eager to be writing. All of this is true today as well; I'm ready to start work on the prompt for this weeks challenge. Normally, I let myself settle in a bit, check Facebook, log in here and check messages and posts, then give in to my eagerness to be writting. Other times, when the prompt is difficult, I'm eager to work out a story line and become preoccupied with possiblitites, researching any ideas I get as well as researching for ideas. The end result is the same, I spend a great deal of time and energy getting the story going and writing in it. Once I complete the writing, either for the day or finishing the piece, I'm beat and any thoughts of logging in and writing in here are lost. Today is much the same, as far as the story goes. I actually formed a general idea on Sunday shortly after seeing the prompt. But, it was my wife's only day off and I wanted to spend it with her. I should inject here that when I'm writing, I'm pretty much fully absorbed and lost in my writing. I not only forget to eat, but I'm so absorbed in my writing, I barely notice anything going on around me. So, with her only getting Sunday off, I didn't want to get absorbed into a story. I did want to look a the prompt and let my mind work a bit at generating some ideas, but that was all, and that I did. Monday she had to be to work by five, so up at three. I normally sleep later when she has to work this early. I'm not much of a morning person, and if I do get up to see her off, I get in the way more than I help and she tends to run a bit late as a result. But, for some reason, I woke up shortly before four and just was not tired. I would like to say more about this, but perhaps further on, or another time. For now, it's only pertinent to me waking at four and getting up. I did pretty good not to distract her or throw her off schedule, but of course she did end up running a little late. the main reason being, we just enjoy each other's company a lot, and if we are both up, there will be conversation and interactions. Once she was ready, we sat and enjoyed a cup of coffee and some conversation before she left, setting her a little behind schedule. For me, it was kind of strange to be up this early and not be so tired I return to bed. Even after working this early shift for over a year, I never adjusted to it, likely never will. But Monday, I was up and ready to go. I had a couple more cups of coffee while I reviewed posts in Facebook, then logged in here. Soon enough, the sun was rising and I was ready to start on my story, but the dogs wanted to go out, they wanted breakfast, and I was pretty hungry myself. By the time they had enjoyed a nice break outside, eaten, and I had my breakfast, the morning was running down. It was now nine, or shortly after, and I was pretty tired. I had surgery a week ago and I've been very tired, taking naps in the afternoon, I've also been very uncomfortable sitting up for very long. Monday was much the same, but I wasn't so tired I wanted to nap. I would have worked on the story but I had already sat up to the computer for too long and needed to stretch out in the recliner for a bit. It was a good oppertunity for my Bible study while I reclined and sipped another cup of coffee. I know, way too much coffee; like many other things, I seem to run on java. Once I finished my study, I was just too tired to concentrate on writing a story. I did put more thought into it, but I knew I was too tired to focus on writing without making a ton of mistakes. Besides, Rhonda would be done at noon, tired, and wanting to spend some time together. As it turned out, she didn't get home until after one, was so tired she wanted a nap, and I would have had time to do some work on my story. But, I was still too tired. Not tired enough to take a nap, I managed to stay up until nine last night. A breakthough in the healing process, not needing to nap everyday and not sleeping so much. Of course, a lot of this has likely been as much a side effect of the medications as a result of healing. That brings us to today. I was up at six, spent a little time with Rhonda before she left for work, then took the dogs out. Once back in, it's time to eat somehting for them and myself, check out Facebook and log in here before starting in on that story. I was just about to close out and start on my characters when I decided it would be a good idea to jump over here and write an entry for the day. I was kind of at a loss of what to write, so I jotted down my thoughts and why I was doing this different, and here I am. Earlier, I had mentioned I should say more about waking up so early on Monday. Now seems a good time. I doubt you will have much interest, but for me it's part of my thinking. No, not waking early, writing... silly. I process thoughts more indepth by writing them, I suppose that's why I'm a writer. Sunday night we went to bed pretty early, since Rhonda needed to be up at three the next morning. In fact, with one person taking some time off, she has been working the opening shift since Wednesday of last week. So, being up at three, she's ready for bed by seven or eight at night. After the surgery, I've been very tired, so going to bed early is no problem. In fact, I've been getting tired easily for a long time, part of what brought me to having surgery. But, after the day surgery, I have been sleeping about twelve hours a day, sometimes more. Part of it is healing, and the other part is the pain medications needed while I heal. Yet another part is one of the symptems I've been having for a long time. Sunday night, we ended up going to bed about eight, maybe eight-thirty by the time we actually were all settled in. I went to sleep quickly, but as is normal, woke a few times during the night, went to the bathroom, then returned to bed and to sleep. After eight hours, I woke and could not get back to sleep. This was the first night since I had surgery that I didn't sleep for ten to twelve hours. It was also the first time in -- I'm not even sure -- that I woke up and was not tired. Not only did I wake after about eight hours, woke up not feeling tired, but I didn't need to nap later in the day. I was tired, but not like I had been up to this point. We were up until nine last night, and I was still doing good. I also slept better last night, but still was up a couple times to go to the bathroom, not that I had to go that bad. I just wake up, and then once awake, get up, go to the bathroom, then return to bed and soon fall back to sleep; another question for my doctor not that some of the other stuff is cleared up. For me, this is all good news. It feels great to wake up and not be tired. It feels even better to be able to make it through a day without feeling the need to take a nap. It may be a bit early to know if this was one day or if this will continue, but so far, day two is looking pretty good, too. I was up at six this morning, when I set my phone alarm it indicated eight and one half hours. I was up twice durring the night, and still feel good this morning. It's looking kind of positive and I'm hopeful that it will not only continue, but my energy levels will also increase as I continue to heal. Now, if I can find a way to sleep through the entire night again. Hopefully the doctor will have some ideas why I wake up. It's not true insomnia, I'm still tired and can go right back to sleep. In fact, I find I have to fight off sleep to go to the bathroom and am sleeping again shortly after my head hits the pillow. Also, I don't have to go to the bathroom real bad, it's not what wakes me up. Even if I don't drink anything, as when I was doing some of the medical tests, I still wake up two, three, sometimes four times a night. On these occasions, I find myself waking up for no reason at all. I roll over, snuggle in and just go back to sleep. I can't imagine how it will feel to sleep all night, or how much energy and how good I'll feel getting a full night of un-interupted sleep. It's been so long, I really don't remember what it was like. |
Seems like it's kind of hit and miss in here. It's been that kind of a month, no -- months. It's hard to believe we are close to October already, the summer gone and winter quickly approaching. Most of the last few months have been spent running back and forth to Sioux Falls for medical tests and meetings to go over them. It's been trying and a bit frustrating, but not really bad news, most of the tests and scans indicate I'm in great health. Good news. What makes it frustrating is not finding any answers to what's wrong. We did finally isolate some faults with my gallbladder, which is recently departed. But, will it resolve all the other symptoms? Is there still more wrong? Questions without answers. I go back and talk to the doctor on the first of October, get checked over, and see where we are at that time. With the surgery, it's been difficult to say what's going on, and will be for a while yet as I heal and kind of get back to normal. So far, the pain has been normal and subsides more each day. Once the pain from surgery dissipates, I will be better able to tell if the other pain is still present or not. Surprisingly, it all feels much the same. Of course, my digestive system is acting up as a result of surgery and all the probing around inside, so it's difficult to say whether this is related to the surgery or if this is signs of something else being out of whack. I tend to believe it's a result of surgery and the changes required now when digesting foods. I'm being optimistic about it all, the removal of the gallbladder will cease all the odd symptoms that made this so difficult to diagnose. As for the repair to the old hernia patch, that's going to be a bit longer healing. Much of that just needed time to mend on it's own, and now with the lump removed from beneath the patch itself, there shouldn't be any future problems. Rhonda even put me back on the schedule, being optimistic herself that the follow-up will be positive and I will be feeling more my old self by then. In a strange way, it will feel good to be back to work, and we definitely need the money, even though it will only be a few days a week for the time being. I should still have plenty of time to write, and it should be enough help to keep up with the bills again. Of course, trying to catch back up is going to be difficult and it's likely to take much longer to recover financially than it will to recover physically. But, I won't dwell on any of that; there's nothing I can do about it anyway. This is one of those cases where their really isn't anything other than faith to focus on. I have no control over how the follow-up goes, if the other symptoms clear up or if there will need to be more tests and treatments, and I cannot do anything about the financial crisis we find ourselves in. I wish I could just write a good story and sell it, take the money and pay off all past debts, all current debts, and have enough left over to fill the pantry and freezer while I work on the next story to sell. That would be perfect, but it's not likely to happen anytime soon. The worst part is the anxiety that comes with all of this. I know it's not going to help anything, and I do my best to keep in under control. To let worry and anxiety gain control is madness. As Shakespeare wrote in King Lear: "No, I will weep no more. In such a night To shut me out? Pour on; I will endure. In such a night as this? O Regan, Goneril! Your old kind father, whose frank heart gave all— O, that way madness lies; let me shun that; No more of that." Although a different situation the results are the same. I do pretty well to keep worry and anxiety under control, but at night, when the mind relaxes and the subconscious rules, then anxiety sneaks up like a beast in the dark and attacks at the very base of sanity. I find myself waking with a start, uncontrolled thoughts flooding my mind as I fight to the conscious world. Once under my own control again, it's not difficult to put the situation back into perspective, but as sleep comes, the haunting of the attack returns. Sometimes I think it would be better when these anxiety attacks hit during the night, to get up and find something to occupy my mind until I'm once again ready to sleep. The problem is, if I get up, Rhonda wakes up. Until I return to bed, she just won't sleep well. In the past when sleeplessness forced me up and out of our bed, she would try and sleep on the couch or in a recliner until I return to bed. If we tried to overcome this and she returned to bed, she would no more than doze off then wake and have to come check on me, again. Even when I worked nights, she just could not sleep well until I was beside her and holding in my arms. So, if I get up, she gets up. Try as she might, she won't get anything for good sleep until I'm back in bed. I know I will also suffer the following day from lack of sleep and try my best to regain control, squelch the anxiety, and get myself back to sleep. Faith and hope, it will work out. |
Wow, I thought I made an entry yesterday. But, it shows the last one on Thursday and I couldn't for the life of me tell you what I wrote yesterday. I've been pretty out of it since the surgery, and yesterday was another rough day. So far, today is going better. I still have a lot of pain in my right side, but the rest is beginning to feel better. I have a feeling that right side is going to take some time to heal, the incision is about three inches long where the surgeon went in to remove the golf-ball size mass. The tissue he removed was in the groin area, under a hernia patch, so he had to go in from the side and work under the patch to remove it, about six inches from the point of entry. The pain is one thing, but the foggy sensation I've had since the procedure has been even worse. I'm on the last day to write my item for the 52 Week Challenge, and still haven't got anything going for the image. The first few days I couldn't sit up well enough to type, and my head was clouded by pain medications. By Wednesday, I had stopped taking the prescribed medications and was just using over the counter stuff to help ease the pain, except at night. So far, today, I haven't used anything, and hope I can continue to get by without taking anything. I'm sure I will need to use the prescribed medications again tonight, to sleep, since lying down seems to cause a lot of discomfort. I'm hoping to get some ideas for that story going, and even more hopeful that I will get it written today, before the deadline. If not, I'm sure I can get a few extra days to write considering the circumstances of the week. But, a new prompt comes out tomorrow, and I'd like to start work on the new prompt instead of still being hung up on this one. So, for now, it's get up and move around a little, think on a story line, and hopefully have something written soon. |
I have a new title for my journal, one that fits well and still holds a similar meaning. When I first started my journal I wanted a name that indicated the broad array of the stuff I write here. How's that for a colorful word, stuff; I could have just used this simple word to name my blog, it covers about everything and anything that may be contained in these pages. But, I wanted something with more depth. Abysmal was used for the title for quite some time, but then it was brought to my attention that this was thought to mean dark and dismal. With some research the definition was clearly given in Dictionary.Com as 1: of or like an abyss; immeasurably deep or great and 2: extremely or hopelessly bad or severe. The first meaning was what I wanted, and what I thought the rest of the title clearly depicted this. But, one would have to read through the title and give it some thought to understand this. While many readers do, and a title such as the original would catch someone's attention, I also understood how many readers would see the word abysmal and skip past the item, thinking it was dark and dreary. After some thought, I renamed my journal, but wasn't satisfied with it. So, I changed it again, using abyssal to indicate the great depth and endless boundaries of the human mind. I had also changed the rest of the title and thought it worked pretty well. But, it seems the two words are often misunderstood, and again someone informed me that they thought the title depicted dismal and depressive reading. Not really any fault at all except for the usage of our language, many words and terms have various meanings apart from their true meanings. What I mean is, individuals associate different meanings to words and terms than what they actually mean, whether it's because they sound alike, or are close to the same, or just because they don't actually know the real meaning. Add to that feelings, and many words and phrases can mean many different things to many different people. For example, an abyss is deep and immeasurable, but that would also mean it's dark, so to some abyssal means deep and dark. I wanted the deep, but my writing is anything but dark. Today I changed the title once again, trying to choose wording that indicates the unfathomable depths of the human mind, the ongoing process of thought that constantly floods one's conscience, and name my journal appropriately. No matter how carefully one chooses, however, there will still be some who don't understand the intended meaning, but I think I have this nailed down pretty well. Although I'm sure it will be misunderstood by some, at least it won't be mistaken for anything dark and dismal. Now, with a new title in place, one that clearly depicts ongoing, vast thoughts, I suppose I should write something deep and meaningful. But, that's not always the case, is it? Although the human mind is without bounds or borders, filled with perpetual thought, sometimes it's just silly stuff that washes ashore and needs to get plucked from the waves to clear the way for more serious ruminations. Perhaps I should just name this journal for what is found here -- Stuff! |
Still working on a better title for my journal, and still not getting anything I like. Why is it so difficult to find something that seems to fit. I think I'll spend a little time going over some ideas today and see if I can't nail it down. I didn't get an entry done yesterday, but then I didn't get anything done yesterday. first day after surgery and I was not up to doing anything. I've had a lot of discomfort and have not been sleeping much. Seems odd, since the pain medications should knock me right out. Instead, I find myself drifting but never quite into a restful sleep. Instead I seem to hang at the point where all those goofy thoughts and half dreams reside, almost like feverish dreams that make no sense at all. I was up at five-thirty this morning, but back in bed by six-thirty, feeling pretty nauseous. I stopped taking the pain medications and switched to over-the-counter types; I hope they work well enough to get me through the day. My head is more clear, but I'm finding it difficult to sit up to the computer. Of course, the abdomen is so tender there is no chance of lying back and doing anything in a prone position. My hopes are to get started on the latest entry for the 52 Week Challenge. Drug clouded imagination isn't going to make that very easy, but then, if I can't sit up, I still won't get anything written. All I can do is try and see how it goes. |
This will be a short update today. It's not too bad to sit up here and type, but it does take some effort and will likely cause discomfort after too long of session. I traveled to Sioux Falls early this morning with my wife, getting to the surgery center by six. I had a terrific team working on me, and everything went well. The troublesome gallbladder is out, and so is the lump of tissue that had developed over my hernia site. Recovery was good, just the typical symptoms, tired, kind of nauseous, and very sore. The meds they gave took care of the nausea well, but I had to have a few doses of the pain medication before leaving the surgery center. Of course, besides removing the organ, he did a lot of probing around to make sure there wasn't any other problems; as much as he could tell from looking. We left Sioux Falls around eleven, Rhonda drove, and I did my best to conceal how difficult the long ride home was. We made one stop, for a few groceries so I could eat something easy on my stomach, on the way home. Rhonda shopped quickly, I rode around beside her and did my best not to run anything or anyone over. It went well. After getting home it was time for an ice pack and sleep. The dogs did pretty good, except for little Hannah, she really doesn't understand why she cant jump right up on me. Even so, she's doing good and not creating any problems. During my nap, she was right beside me, but down low by my legs instead of up by my torso. I think she's catching on. Now, it's a quick update here, then some chicken soup and more pain meds. Hope to be doing good enough tomorrow to work on a story. |
I suppose I better get something written in here, it's been a few days again. Then, it's back to my story for the 52 Week Challenge. It's mid-week already and I have two and one half pages done. Not so good for being the middle of the week already, but not bad since I didn't start writing it until yesterday. It's another difficult image for me to work with, but I found an idea and have been developing it. It's going slow but mostly because of research and plotting. I wouldn't have to put as much into it, but who knows, perhaps one day I may decide to make it into more. That's been the case with most of the items I've written for the challenge. I've worked on keeping them short, although one hit nine pages, but at te same time, tried to write them in such a way that I can develop them more in the future, if I choose to. Other than just trying to relax and keep my mind of my pending surgery next Monday, that's been about it for me. the surgery is nothing major, just day surgery to have my gallbladder removed, have a lump removed from my lower abdomen, and give the surgeon an opportunity to look everything else over while he's inside. But, even though it's pretty routine, I'm still pretty nervous about it. Mostly, though, I find myself wondering if this will correct things and I can finally feel good again. I have found some inspiration here on the site, to help me keep things in perspective. I'm sure everyone knows about the journey our founders are on with their daughter; what a brave and strong young lady. With all they are going through, it makes my diagnosis seem like a head cold. It amazes me how well they are getting through all this, and it greatly increases my respect for all of them. Now, it's time to get back to writing that story, I'm hoping to finish it up this afternoon. |
Just a few minutes for me tonight, so a short entry. We worked on the yard most of the afternoon, and have it mowed down again. There's some trim work to do, but that can wait until tomorrow. I mowed and Rhonda cleaned up around the house, pulling weeks and bagging up grass. I still have to mow the east end of the property, but the mower was acting up and I didn't want to do anymore than I needed today. I'm not sure what's up, something with the deck. Hopefully I can take a look at it tomorrow and find out what is going wrong on it. I just hope it's nothing serious. Even had the mower not acted up, it was time to quit, and it began raining soon after we came in. I didn't do much in here today, I did look a the the next prompt for the 52 week challenge and checked mail. I came in after we finished showering for a bit and seen that illness has struck our beloved family here on WdC. I feel bad for the founders, as well as helpless. One cannot even image what this must be like, unless having gone through something similar. I have my health issues right now, and it's been more than frustrating trying to find out what is wrong. In comparison to the note the StoryMaster and the StoryMistress have posted, it seems so minor now. We will be sending prayers for their family, all of them and continue to hope for positive news to be posted. |
The weekend has is here, but Rhonda had to work this morning, even so, she should get done around eleven and still have most of the day to enjoy. I slept in, not getting up until eight, and then browsed through Facebook while I enjoyed a cup of coffee. Not much happening in there, but then most of my family and friends will be posting their weekend activities Sunday evening or Monday, depending on what they are doing. We will likely stay home, although we have talked about taking a day trip to Oak Wood State Park. Depending on the weather, we still may do that. It would be a fun day and the dogs would love it. I finally heard back from the doctor on the tests they ran on Monday, the gallbladder is not functioning properly, even though there are no stones present. The nurse who called had a bunch of questions for me, and after I answered informed me that the test showed the organ is functional but not working like it should. The doctor wanted to know what I felt during the test to determine if it needs to be removed. After answering and letting her know it caused pain and was much like what I'm experiencing, she talked to the doctor again then called back to let me know he wants to remove it. One week from Monday I will have the surgery done and at the same time have a lump removed from my lower abdomen. The doctor thinks it's just fatty tissue, but it's causing pain and discomfort so it should come out. Since there are other symptoms present that may or may not be connected to the gallbladder, he also wants to do some exploring inside to see what kind of damage I may have done to the intestines when I fell in May. he thinks he will be able to see if there is anything else that may be wrong, but if not, more tests if this surgery does not correct everything. I'm going to be hopeful that this will take care of things and I'll finally be feeling more like my old self. |
I meant to get in here yesterday but ran out of time. It's interesting how intentions go, while the intent itself doesn't. I tried something different yesterday, and also on Tuesday. For the 52 Week Challenge, I wrote a fantasy story on mythology Tuesday, something new for me. I have written a few things that kind of border on fantasy, but this was crossed the border and headed deeper into fantasy writing. It required much more research, planning, and work tying my fiction into the mythology that already exists. It was fun, even though it was different than how I normally write. My typical style is kind of like a spider spinning a web. I get an idea to write about, sometimes it's the beginning, more often it's the ending, and work off of it until the whole web is constructed. It still requires planning and research, but it's also kind of by the seat of my pants; more spontaneous. Yesterday was another journey into new territory, I wrote an entry for The Writer's Cramp -- a western. This was a first for me, but very fun. The difficult part was to keep my word count under a thousand words. By the time I ended I was slightly over, but it wasn't too difficult to cut back a lot of filler words and rephrase a few lines to get it within requirements. I'm quite pleased with the tale I wove. If you enjoy westerns and humor, you will enjoy this short piece and can find it at:
I haven't seen the winner yet, but even if it doesn't win, it was fun and an new experience that may open my writing into another genre. As they say, time alone will tell. The most exciting thing happening for me is all the writing I've gotten done in the last five weeks. With the 52 Week Challenge, I have to write a story a week on image prompts. Some have come easily, other's I've had to work to pull something out, but the reward is, I'm writing more now than I have since college. It's exciting and I'm building a folder of stories, some of which have the potential to become more than just short stories, possibly even novels. One in particular is a spin off an older story I wrote but never finished. I had a great start, but the second and third chapters seemed to kind of taper off and I wasn't happy with them. The prompt was tough to write on, but then I an idea came to me using characters from that other story. It took a new direction and I didn't realize it until I finished, but it would make a terrific ending to that old story. It will require some work, of course, to fill in the middle, and it may never reach novel length, but it will make a great story. The only problem I have found so far, is my shoulders and arms are sore from all they typing I've been doing. Seems I've gotten a little out of shape when it comes to using a keyboard. Oh well, it's getting better with each new item I write. I'm building up my writing muscles while giving my brain a great workout in creativity and imagination, and I'm having a lot of fun doing it. |
I reckon I better get this written and posted, or I'll be missing yet another day. At least it's not because work and other such activities are infringing, I have the time but just did not get to it. See, it was the weekend, and Rhonda is off now on the weekends. For how long, who knows. For that matter, who knows how long I'll have weekends free. So, as long as we have them, we are taking the time to enjoy them. Of course, since I'm not working currently, we have the time, but not the money. Oh well, that is the trade off. It makes things difficult, and we won't be eating very fancy for the next couple of weeks, but when I look at my gut and see it's super-sized, that may also be a blessing. Today was yet another trip to Sioux Falls for more tests. The results from the scope showed nothing bad, so still no answers. It is good news, and I don't mind hearing that the tests, prods, and punctures are showing good results, but the good news is not answering any questions as to what's wrong. Today they shot me full of radioactive dye and then watched to see how it passed into my liver, through the bile ducts and how the gallbladder worked. I won't know the results for a day or two, but the test did trigger the same symptoms I've been suffering from. The dye itself didn't have any listed side effects, but as my gallbladder filled with it, I could feel a dull ached develop. Of course, this is common, but since I had not eaten or drank anything, it was a sign that the gallbladder was sensitive. Then, when they gave me the IV with the trigger for the gallbladder to contract and empty, the pain intensified. More signs that this is the source of the problems. But, there are other symptoms as well that seem non-related to the gallbladder. This is partly why it's been so long and difficult to pinpoint anything. There could also be some damage to my small intestine that is causing some of the problems. One test at a time is what I've been doing, narrowing done what's not wrong. If the results confirm that my gallbladder is not working properly then it will be removed, and while the doctor has me under, I get a repair on my hernia patch that is not serious but causing some discomfort. He also wants to look around inside for any other signs of damage, especially to the small intestine. Sounds like a lot, but if I can get things fixed and feel right again, it's all worth it. I was going to say back to normal, but this has been going on since I fell and injured my abdomen in May, so the pain and problems resulting are now normal for me. Here's hoping for good news, and answers, too. |
I finally came up with something for the writing prompt, and by all rights I should have started writing my story hours ago. But, it's been kind of a lazy, rainy day up until a couple hours ago. I was ready to start working on it around eleven, but then the power went out for a few minutes. Something next door at the grain elevator popped and the lights went out, but came back on after a couple minutes. Of course, the way they operate over there, as soon as the power was back on, they started up whatever shorted out and blew the power again. It is back on, and so far it's been quiet over there. Hopefully, one day, they will fix things so it works right, and isn't so damn noisy. By the time it seemed safe to get started on my story again, I was hungry, so I made some lunch. While eating lunch, I wondered over to Pinterest and looked at a few things. Of course this lead to looking at a few more, and a few more, and... well, you understand. I did find one particular item I want to share, and wouldn't mind the saying on a shirt or poster, but it would need a better image. Well, that about sums it up. Now, time to get going on the story for the week. I had the beginning kind of figured out, but I had no idea where I wanted to go with it. I've struggled with this for the last few days and just could not get anything going. Earlier today, while sitting out on the patio with the dogs, it just came to me. You just have to love it when things finally start to flow again. Here's the image I came across, and it just shows why grammar is so important. |
I'm not doing so well at writing in here every day, but that's life keeping me busy. I'm going to have to knuckle down and try and get something in here. The weekend flew past for a change. Normally, both Rhonda and I work on the weekends and they creep by so slow. Of course, weekends are always busy, and they usually are longer days for both of us. But, for the time being, Rhonda has weekends off, and until I go back to work, I have every day off. It's looking like I'll be going back soon, but it will be limited for a while. I meet with the doctor on Thursday and find out what they found in the biopsy. Hopefully, it's all good news. Also, they may shoot me full of dye and look at the function of my gallbladder to see if it's needing to come out. I'm feeling better, or at least I have been the last few days. I got the grass mowed down, but it's going to be cut again soon. It's been two weeks for the area around the house, and three weeks for the east side of the yard. The grass was two foot high in some areas, more in the ditches and a little less around the house, but lets just average it at two foot. I had to put the mowing deck up as high as it would go, drive it very slow, and only take a half a swath at a time. Even cutting it like this was plugging up the deck at times, and it looks terrible. Not just the grass discharge but the lawn isn't cut even. It was just too high and too wet to cut it good. But, it should dry out pretty well now, and if I get it mowed again this weekend, it should look pretty good. There were still a few places that were just too wet to mow, and still some standing water in the low areas. I hope it doesn't rain for the rest of the summer or fall. It's funny how the farmers keep saying we need more rain, but there's standing water in the fields around here, and still some roads that have not been above water for years. Of course, it's not just the rain, it's the weather in general they are never happy with. For instance, I just heard on the radio that the local corn predictions for us indicate we are ahead of schedule on maturing. It seems the corn is growing, and ripening faster than what is normal, and it's looking like it's going to be a great harvest. After the report, the weather came on, and some lady giving the markets said that we are in need of hotter weather. It's been terribly hot, but cooled down the last week. Even so, it's still getting into the seventies during the day, but dropping down to the lower sixties at night, maybe even a few upper fifties. So, this lady is complaining we need temperatures in the eighties and nineties for the corn. Didn't they just say the corn was maturing faster than normal and it's looking like a bumper crop? Sure they did, I just heart it. That's the way it is around here, it seems they are never content. Me, I'm loving the cooler weather and just wishing it would dry out a bit more so a person could mow without dodging frogs all over the yard. At least it's not as wet as it was a few years back when we had a muskrat take up residence in the ditch. Yes, they build along the banks of lakes, slews, and rivers. Yes, the ditch was standing water, and it was big enough and deep enough for a muskrat to swim in. I think I have a picture or two of the critter sitting there. |
Just taking it easy today. I should be out mowing, the grass is getting way too long again, but the yard is still saturated, and I know the rider is going to make a mess with it so wet. It's been dry for two days, and the ground is still soft and wet, the ditches have standing water, and the sump is running about every hour. I sure wish some of this rain could be diverted to areas that need it so badly. I got the test results back from the blood work done on Wednesday. Good news, I'm not diabetic, but I did have an elevated glucose level. I guess I'm what is called a pre-diabetic, and can keep things in check with just diet and exercise. I know the biggest factor is my excess weight, and once that's down, things should be even better. Now, if I can just get some answers to the rest of this, and then find out what I need to do to get things back to normal, I'll be a happy camper. Today it's the gallbladder area aching again, but for the last three days, it's been lower, down in the appendix area. Rhonda, just playing around, poked me in that area, and I almost dropped to the floor. I suppose it would assist the doctors greatly if the symptoms just stayed in place and held in consistency. I just hope I'm feeling pretty good tomorrow, I have an agenda for the day and don't want to be feeling miserable through it. We are meeting a the zoo with our daughter, her husband and the grandchildren, including the new twin girls. After, we are planning on a light picnic at the park. Nothing fancy, but it should be a lot of fun. So far, the forecast seems to be holding for a pretty nice day, which is real good since we were going to do this last Sunday but got rained out. It rained until Wednesday, finally letting up and clearing off Wednesday evening. It also cooled down, which I didn't mind at all, but being over one hundred degrees on Saturday and getting down to a chilling 48 degrees on Tuesday night is just too dramatic of a temperature change. |