blog of a person who seems to be invisible...
ok.. so I'm taking a next step in my life. I'm improving on myself. I'm going down this path i am on, thanks to God. I now attend a church regularly, and I like its small confines in a church building i attended nearly 40 years ago. To me it is surreal.|
Do i know whats ahead, or even where I am going? no, not at all. to be honest it scares me, but I need to step out of my fear and take charge of my life, and live it the way I and God want me to be. where ever this path goes, I'm sticking it out to the end. I feel it is a testament to who I am.
I am learning more and more everyday about myself. and improving, also trying to make amends for past mistakes.
But one can only make amends for mistakes where there was mistakes to begin with, if people don't want to listen then that is their fault, and their loss. I wont go where im not wanted and I know I am a good man, if you don't.. well that's too bad so sad for you...
|To all, I bid you welcome to my house. Please enter freely and of your own free will and leave some of the happiness you bring.
I am still among you, I have always been here. I have been going through some stuff. Stuff that rocked my very foundation of who I am, and have emerged from the darkness once again, stronger, better than I have ever been before. Dearie!!!!!
I will not be defeated by my past, restrained by my future, nor will I be redirected from the present. I am truly happy now. Things are on the path they are supposed to be on. Nothing and no one is strong enough to change my direction, unless I want it changed.
I will not put anything of the personal stuff on here because it is just that personal, and unless you are that special person for me you dont get that part of me.
the dark one is truly back, Dearie !!! don't look for me, chances are I'm watching you already.
he he he he he!
|DAY 1511: January 4, 2017
Prompt: Write about moving home.
Moving home can be a relatively rough thing to have happen, especially if you worked hard to get out of the house in the first place. It can bring stress, disappointment, depression, and quite a bit of resentment. I know becasue I, myself, am subject to these feelings. They are not unknown to me, but very much unliked by me.
It made me feel inferior to everybody else. but i also realized that these feelings were deep inside my own soul and heart. I discovered that they weren't real, nor were they something I needed to think about. I found, through self discovery, that these feelings were inconsequential, but they were also harmful to me. So I made a choice not to let them get to me... afterwards life became more and more better for me... At least for a bit.
|DAY 1503: December 28, 2016
Prompt: "I think that the truth is a really stern taskmistress." Carrie Fisher Use this as inspiration for your blog entry.
I like this a quote from Carrie, I rings of the truth. In my opinion the truth will hold you to a stricter ideal, and loftier goals. Why? because it wont let you cheat on it, it will make you work for it honestly, cutting corners cant be done around the truth.
While it definitely is a harder road, the rewards for following it are greater than if you dont and go the other way. plus at the end you do get a better feeling of accomplishment, and pride knowing that you completed it the right way and not the easier, and wrong way.
From Ms. Fishers point of view. it is like the difference between a Jedi and a Sith...
On the subject of Carrie Fishers passing, it is a sad thing that she has ascended to become part of the force. As Yoda said," Cry for her, do not. Miss her, do not. be happy for those who have ascended to become part of the force!" what more could be said. She will be greatly missed, not only by geeks, like me, but by the cast of star wars and the millions who grew up with her as Princess leia. May the force be with her!
|Day 1448: November 2, 2016
Prompt: You know what music is? God’s little reminder that there’s something else besides us in this universe; harmonic connection between all living beings, everywhere, even the stars.– Robin Williams Does music inspire you? Does music cause a connection between living beings?
I will admit that there are times when music does inspire me. when I sit down for my weekly writing time... sometimes I do write while listening to pandora, sometimes it helps me picture a scene in which to write. mainly because it conjures up images about what I need to be writing and I, as a write, describe those images and how they fit in the storyline.
i also believe that music causes a connection between all living things. In my study of music, in the past, I have found that music is a universal language that we all understand, whether you realize it or not.
|DAY 1447 November 1, 2016
Use these random words to discuss something on your mind: drip, clinical, regret, contemporary, greed, power, and balloons. It's your blog, make it a rant, a poem, or a story. Have fun.
this is not on my mind as It is too damm early to think.. so here goes...
I lay here trying to rest from a long hard day at work feeding the greed and power of the people I work for, trying to let go of the stress of the day. The only thing that is keeping me awake in the constant sound coming from across the room. It the drip from the faucet.
It is a constant sound, which , while annoying, is a bit relaxing. Drip, drip, drip it goes a constant relaxing tone to relax me as I start drifting off to sleep. I begin to think I am being a bit too contemporary in my thinking that this sound is a distraction, but maybe it is the path to relaxation that I seek. My last thought that I have before dozing off into a deep restful sleep was a deep regret that I didnt have this sound all the nights before me, when I was laying here watching the lights from the passing cars dance across the ceiling. As it would have made passing into the realm of sleep that much more easily.
A single thought races across my face, of something that a therapist told me years ago, in a clinical setting. He sat there in his pinstripe suit, which made him look absolutely ridiculous, and said"You know sometimes a good restful sleep is , in itself, a stress reliever."
As my eyes slowly closed themselves off to this dreadful day, I dreamt of that 80's song,"99 redballoons."It wasn't so much a pleaseant dream, but it was a dream nonetheless.
|DAY 1446: October 31, 2016
Prompt: You and your partner, spouse, significant other, etc. are going to a Halloween party. The host has asked that each couple come as an animal either mythical or real, but not as the same species of animal. What do you and your partner dress up as and why? What happens at the party?
Not really sure I would go to this party, as i do very few costumes, mainly because of my confidence level, nut i know I could go as one real and mythical creature.... human... my other half? she might go as ... oh i dont know I could think of a couple of things she could go as... greek goddess, norse goddess....
what would happen at the party?...very little, as I would mingle with her by my side for a bit, and since I am a bit of a wall flower would sit down and watch everybody, quite possibly while she mingled around... and that is about it.
|DAY 1442 October 27, 2016
Take this sentences and use it in a story, poem or rant: "To this dark place I've come, and come again."
To this dark place I've come and come again,
so it opens its doors to me willingly,
With no trepidation i enter easily,
into its darkness I walk.
To this dark place I come and come again,
this places darkness holds some attraction for me,
to what end I do not know,
but through its darkened corridors I go,
Around this corner and that,
till I no longer know which way is back.
To this dark place I come and come again,
its attraction always brings me back,
no matter how far i always go,
it always beckons me to return to this place time and time again.
I know now that I will never leave this place,
but maybe its this place that wants me to stay.
|DAY 1441: October 26, 2016
Prompt: "Imagination makes us aware of limitless possibilities. How many of us haven't pondered the concept of infinity or imagined the possibility of time travel? In one of her poems, Emily Bronte likens imagination to a constant companion, but I prefer to think of it as a built-in entertainment system." Alexandra Adornetto What is imagination to you? Is it a companion, an entertainment system, or something else?
To some people the imagination is a companion, like an invisible friend, family member,conscious as in the case of a little bothersome cricket I have heard tell of, or cohort, while to others it could be an angel, or devil, sitting on your shoulders, driving your every move.
For writers, for the most part, it is what drives us. It helps us create a world where a man can fly,a spy can do miraculous things with everyday object, or even watch a sunrise on a distant planet.
Imagination can drive science as well, because remember it is ALWAYS science fiction before science fact. it is what drove us to put a man on the moon, or make a tincan move underwater. it does this in the simplest of ways, it simply asks what if...
|DAY 1439: October 23, 2016
Prompt: If I could create an ideal world, it would be an England with the fire of the Elizabethans, the correct taste of the Georgians, and the refinement and pure ideals of the Victorians. - H. P. Lovecraft If you could create an ideal world what would it consist of?
I'm not sure what the ideal world would consist of, as i have no ideal world in my mind. However I DO know that the perfect world would be one that consisted of a lot of mystical creatures, and dark as well as light magic, Creatures from another planet, and quite a bit more of things from my mind as the individual story requires.
I guess the best way to answer this would be to say that the "perfect world" would be one that the story, or other thing requires it to be.
|prompt: You're a police officer. You turn down the volume on your radio for a few minutes. When you turn it back up, all you hear is screams from your fellow officers over the speakers....
I sat in my car and listened to the screams and moans start dying down. i knew I couldn' t help them now even if I wanted too. As the radio goes silent, I ponder the last transmission I hear through it.
"Help us, someone," the female voice said,"Help us, please."
The next sound is the sound of a body drop and the microphone hitting the floor. It sounded like that dispatcher, the blond one with the really nice body, and the one that stood me up last saturday nite for the shift captain Steven. Hmm, she was definitely trying to climb the ladder the hard way.
I start my car up and pullout into traffic and head down the snow covered street, back out into the darkness that I came from, knowing my job here is done. I have restored some form of peace to this town. I, alone, have made it safe once again.
My squad car stops at a diner about 5 miles away from the building, where I see a 55 gallon drum with a fire going with a few homeless people gathering around it for warmth. I know these people, have for years. I go and walk up to them and greet them as long lost family members or friends and talk with them a while.
Just as I walked away into the all night diner to grab a bite to eat, I toss a plastic baggie in the fire with some blue stuff in it, into the fire. Mark, the most intelligent of the people around this fire asked what it was i just tossed into the fire. It was such an innocent question, it was pretty obvious he was just curious.
I stood there silent for a second while the plastic bag and its contents just melted into a blue colored mess in a burning log within the fire. I turned to him, giving him a fatherly smile.
"Oh, nothing," I said," Just the remnants of a clean up job I had."
I walked into the diner sat down and waited to be served. Just as a news story came on about a town wide massacre in smalltown, where I just came from. A town where nothing lived as I left, I sat there and smiled.
I pulled out a small black box with a single red button on it and smiled as I pushed the button and watched on television as building after building in the town exploded and caused complete chaos destroying everything including any evidence left behind.
I ordered through the waitress who eventually found me, the food came and i enjoyed it before making another appearance at the fire barrel and tossing the small black box in it and watching until it too was destroyed. Mark said nothing this time, as I turned and walked off into the night and vaniished from sight.