blog of a person who seems to be invisible...
ok.. so I'm taking a next step in my life. I'm improving on myself. I'm going down this path i am on, thanks to God. I now attend a church regularly, and I like its small confines in a church building i attended nearly 40 years ago. To me it is surreal.|
Do i know whats ahead, or even where I am going? no, not at all. to be honest it scares me, but I need to step out of my fear and take charge of my life, and live it the way I and God want me to be. where ever this path goes, I'm sticking it out to the end. I feel it is a testament to who I am.
I am learning more and more everyday about myself. and improving, also trying to make amends for past mistakes.
But one can only make amends for mistakes where there was mistakes to begin with, if people don't want to listen then that is their fault, and their loss. I wont go where im not wanted and I know I am a good man, if you don't.. well that's too bad so sad for you...
|DAY 2525: October 19, 2019
Prompt: Night Noises
night noises? yes I hear them, all kinds. bugs, cars,trucks, people having conversations in another room, and even couples getting friendly, when I am staying in hotels. nothing really bothers me, I sleep with either a television on or a radio on, not loud just enough for me to hear the sounds.
|DAY 2525 October 18, 2019
Share a childhood memory that makes you smile.
there was a time when I was hanging with a friends sister, Michaela. she was weird but in a cute kind of way. We were friendly to each other, I didn't know how special we were until I had a make out session under a pool table that I knew who she was to me and how special she really was.
In my usual style I pushed her away, and like everyone else I pushed away she ran, and I lost her but the make out session was the first I ever had.
|Well, it seems the universe seems to be cleaning house in my life, in other words taking out the trash once again. I seemed to have to say good bye to yet another friend. It really is quite sad because although me and her didn't work out, I do believe, since we had a lot in common we could have been good friends, and I thought we were well on our way to being just friends, I was ok with that.
But if you allow a lover, fwb, or anybody else dictate to you who your friends can or can't be, I feel that you truly have bigger issues then who you a re dating or even sleeping with. And that is ok with me, because I dont need or want you. you are a waste of time and energy so good bye.
Just don't waste my time or effort. I know there are good girls out there for me, and one day I will find her. I also know there are alot of people out there who are broken, as most if not all the women I had ever know were. I just wish I could find one, one day I will.[
well thats it for now.
|Well friends all is well now for me..yes I've made mistakes in the past,and apparently there is no forgiveness from friends for me,and that's ok...
I am now seeing a great woman..her name and s Vicki and so far she is all I ever wanted...quite a true lady...and she has made me truly happy..happier than I ever thought I could have been .. job has gotten better for me..I'm much more well balanced...in other words,I have been working on me for a while...I'm a good man,yes I made mistakes in my life,but since I won't be allowed to correct them,I'm just moving on chaulking them up to experience...
I continue to write,mostly privately...and maintain a presence on here..I have my group.i try to keep up with and other things but they take time..
Piecing my life back together after having so much of my life fall apart was and is a chore in and of itself...I have real friends standing by me. Not ones who run away because I say the wrong thing that I didn't mean to say(and since it was referred this way at one time..so will Iu know who u are),but real true friends..some on here and some in real life...I am getting better all the time...
This is an update and a thank you to those who are,and surprisingly aren't,my friends on here u all have helped me be the great person I really am ..
|well its me again. Lately I've had a real streak of bad luck in my life, that was so soul crushing i had no idea and no one to turn to to talk about it. but the darkness has gone.
I know my self worth and will NEVER chase someone again. I did chase this one woman, here in Florida, in real life. And we had a good start, but she must have found the grass on the other side of the fence greener, as she jumped ship from me saying that she needed time to work on her self and her stress level. that wa fine. I could deal with that. We were just friends. then one day I got a text saying that her and her ex are talking. the conversations after that were ok and it didn't seem like things with the ex were going anywhere.
That was then, this is now, of course they are going some where. Yet in no place did I ever receive any offer to fix or even talk about this at all... It was dicated to me.. how nice. I have recently decided that my self worth is more important than any woman, so I am moving on.... I guess its my lot in life to find women who are so superficial and out of touch that when they have a good man, and a real gentleman in their grasp they run.... that's fine.... well the barber says 'Next'.
|DAY 2375: May 21, 2019
Prompt: Reflect upon your present blessings. ~ Charles Dickens
Well, I wish I could say that I could reflect or even count my blessings, but sadly, After the week I had, I'm finding blessings kinda slim right now. I have had a friend stab me in the back, badly leaving me in the hole once again. While at the same time I found workmates stabbing me in the back as well as losing a friend of mine, or two. so ya... I have no blessings right now, and my faith in God has been shaken to the point of losing faith.
but it is what it is... I'm a big boy and will pick up the pieces from a shattered life, once again and be better at it... it is the cracks in the heart that let the love in...
I do however find it hard to trust now, even in my own family... with no one I trust to talk to.
|Well, it been a while since I entered anything on here. I have been a bit busy getting stabbed i the back by trusted people, and having myself getting scammed with the person actually ghosted me entirely and lied to me since the beginning, only to have someone else special stab me in the back and offer me something I wanted for a while then finding out she lied to me since the beginning. so right now, I'm having trouble trusting anybody.
Is there no one I can trust? no one will be here for me as I have been there for others.
I know now I can no longer be the all-around nice guy I used to be. I have to be cold and cruel again, I thought that part of my life was over but apparently not.
So sad a gentleman and teddy bear-like man has to turn cold and cruel but it is life, I guess.
|DAY 2344: April 20, 2019
Prompt: "I decided it is better to scream. Silence is the real crime against humanity." ~ Nadezhda Mandelstam
What do you think?
Sometimes, I think, silence can be just as bad, if not worse, than anything a person can do. Silence really is the greatest crime against humanity, as with silence the evil that is in this world really has carte blanc to do anything it wants to.
Sometimes I think that is you, or I, see or do something wrong, I believe it's our responsibility to say and or do something to stop it.
for us, as a society, to say nothing against the bad things in this world truly is a bad thing, in fact, I think that is where the phrase " that justice is blind" really fits in.
|DAY 2335 April 11, 2019
"No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side, or you don't.” ~ Stephen King
What are your thoughts?
On this little thing, I think I can safely say this, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I believe this so strongly that I base my whole life around this thought. I believe that not knowing what is coming upon you is best, over knowing. Know can be problematic at best, the quick thinking and strong heart make things better no matter what happens, whether you are experiencing things a broken minded weak hearted person can do, or whether it was a mistake you yourself made... you are a better person for it.
|DAY 2330: April 6, 2019
Prompt: It's midnight and you or your character can't fall asleep. How do you or your character get to sleep?
One of my characters could not go to sleep as he was too energetic at night, especially with the full moon shining around him, As he is a werewolf. Well technically when he is the wolf part of himself, the person he would be like he was asleep, and not remember anything the wolf did if he did remember anything the wolf did it would be like it was in a dream instead of being in reality and it would be dismissed just as quickly as not being real, that is until he finds out he is a werewolf, then he would know for sure that they are memories of the wolf and not just a dream, which he does at this time.