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For the avoidance of doubt... Yes... I definitely have an opinion... |
 Welcome to my Blog!! Having an opinion is better than not having a thought of your own. I have many of both.... Pull up a pew and grab a hot, steaming mug of your choice. |
| Prompt: What achievements have you had this month? *** Achievements are funny things and they mean different things to different people. My initial thought when I think of my achievements is to think of the big things - getting a promotion or new job, passing a test, or gaining an accreditation. At school it would be winning some sporting event or other. And they are great achievements. They are the type of things you can add to CVs, or boast about to boost your ego. They are things you are proud of and want to tell people about. But, there are other achievements that are JUST as, if not more, important; that we don't shout about enough. For example, today the kids and I were up, dressed and out of the house early enough to grab breakfast at the local cafe before they headed off to school. This is a big deal - mostly because my daughter and I as sloths in the mornings. Another achievement is that the kids have only been late twice this year... Make no mistake, this is a miracle, and not a minor one. I haven't been in the mood to deal with people for the passed few weeks because... well... life sucks and shit happens to good people. So, attending my son's parkour class last weekend after avoiding it like to plague, so I didn't have to people with people is, again, a monumental achievement. Last night, I went to the shops and bought ingredients, and then COOKED a meal, rather than putting them away in the fridge and then ordering take out... - Winning - Honestly, I know first hand that sometimes just getting out of bed in the morning, or doing a load of laundry is an achievement - particularly if you manage to dry it AND PUT IT AWAY!! The whole point is that you have managed to complete or do something. It makes you feel good - no matter how small the task might be... It's worth remembering that it's ok to be your own cheerleader and that sometimes the small things are the hardest to do. We should celebrate the small things just as much as anything else. |
| Prompt: "Every moment in your life tells a story." Write about this in your Blog entry today. *** Every moment of my life helps tell the epic story of me... Yes, I really am that awesome! ha ha ha ha I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't experienced life the way I have. Of that, I have no doubt. And, I like who that person is, so I wouldn't change the things I've had to experience to get here - to be me. I don't believe in fate or destiny. I don't believe things happen for a reason, or that some divine being sent these things to test me. Life is just life. It has very little rhyme or reason. It has its ups and downs. When it's great, it's fantastic, but there will always be just as many lows and constants. We can't have the highs all the time. I don't think any of us can expect to get out of this life without some type of emotional, psychological or mental scarring either. We all have our own brand and level of trauma. I don't see those scars as all bad, or believe that they mean I've had an unhappy life. My 'scars' are a reminder of the lessons I've learnt. They are also a reminder that I have healed. Some are more painful than others. Some still have an affect on the way I live my life, but they don't control it. Most have faded so much I can hardly feel them. There are definitely things I wouldn't want others, particularly my daughter, to experience. There are things I would approach differently if they were to happen today, but I can't change what has happened, I can only learn from it, make the most of it, and move forward. Some moments are bigger than others. Some seem massively important at the time and then we can't recall them properly three years down the track. Some are pivotal and, good or bad, they change the course and direction of our lives. Some change the very fabric of who we are. But we are also bigger than any one moment. We are a tapestry of those moments. This is one of the reasons I'm not overly bothered about getting older; don't get me wrong the idea of mortality still freaks me out and if a vampire happened to swing by and offer me immortality or at least delayed aging I would certainly seriously consider it, but I don't think I mind the greying hair and wrinkles - after all that's what pink and purple hair dye is for. |
| Prompt: "Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper." Robert Frost. Is what Robert Frost says true for you? What makes you lose your temper? *** To me education isn't an ability. It's a process, and it has little to do with the ability not to lose your temper or listen to alternative opinions. Though I will admit education certainly helps to hone that skill or ability - if it's actually taught - at least on the surface. I know plenty of educated, "successful" people who are incapable of listening to other's opinions - especially if they differ from their own. They can hold their temper fine, mostly because they are set on their opinion being the "right" one, and have no intention of listening to anyone else's. I also think most people fail miserably at listening. I don't think they know what the word means. Don't get me wrong, they hear just fine, but they are not listening. They're not empathising, or considering a different perspective. I can't count the number of times I've been in a conversation and have been interrupted, talked over and then paraphrased incorrectly - only to be told my interpretation of what I've said is incorrect. "No, random stranger, please continue telling me what I mean, instead of asking me to clarify it. You clearly know more about what I'm thinking than me." Generally, I love a good debate. It's fun. I might not agree with you. I might think your logic is flawed. I may agree with some of what you said and not others, but generally, I have no desire for you to have the same opinions or thoughts as me. To be honest, that would terrify me because I know what goes on in my head... I also don't need to have the same political or religious view as you to respect you, or consider you a friend. I will however judge you on your behaviour and actions... People who can't separate their beliefs or opinions from their ability to accept others is what makes me lose my temper. I wouldn't say I have a short fuse or a overly fiery temper.... others might... and they are entitled to their opinions. I am however unforgiving and lack patience. I wont hold a grudge or anything like that - but I am well equipped to make you null and void in my life. You're there... but you aren't important enough to make me care. |
| Prompt: Yearbook Themes. What was your Yearbook Theme in high school? *** I didn't have a yearbook. They weren't/aren't a thing in the UK, at least when I was in school, which was many, many, many, way too many moons ago. We didn't have proms either... unless you are talking about brass instruments in a park somewhere... Though I think they are a thing now - an end of year party. My school had an end of year "Summer Ball"... for school leavers and college (16yr plus), where we got dressed up in formal wear and sat down for a three-course dinner, before dancing. It was semi-posh. A vague attempt to be posh. I got very drunk (don't give a 16-year-old access to wine). Instead of yearbook, we all chose to graffiti our school shirts on the last day of school, by writing messages all over them: Goodbyes... Signatures... Weird little doodles... I have no idea why, because I can guarantee that no one kept them. Of all the random things I have kept over the year "for the memories", my school blouse was NOT one of them. I actually think my mother threw mine straight in the wash on a boil/whiting setting. Thanks for destroying the memories mum!! To be honest I wasn't even aware that yearbooks had themes. Though the amount I DO know about the US school system and traditions can be written on a back of a postage stamp in size 60 font. I have often wondered what I'd have written under my embarrassing photo... or what my "mostly to" would have been. |
| Prompt: For the love of literature. Write about this in your Blog entry today *** I haven't always enjoyed reading. I hated it until I was about thirteen and even then, it was only for English Literature classes and coursework. I always struggled with words, pronunciation, and definitely reading out loud - which seemed to be what my teachers loved to torture us with. It wasn't just reading, I was bad at spelling as well. That said, I was good at it - not great... good. I even got a poem published in some national poetry things... I still have the book somewhere. I did love Shakespeare - and not the usual Romeo and Juliet, or Midsummer Night's Dream. I liked Richard the III, Macbeth, and Othello. That being said something must have switched at some point because I can still remember the titles of some of the books I read - A Town Like Alice, and The Chrysalis. For some unknown reason, I also decided that taking English Language in college was something I should do. I spent three years studying international authors like Balzac, Ibsen, and Achebe. I tried... so hard... to like Austen... My friend was OBSESSED, but I just couldn't get into her writing. Bronte, however, Wuthering Heights is still one of my favourite books of all time. I think it's what cemented my obsession with the anti-hero. That is where my love of reading really started and where I started to diversify and found my home in Sci-fi, Supernatural, and Horror... King will always be King as far as I'm concerned. Now, I find reading a safe haven. It's a place to escape to when I don't want to think about the real world. I get to bury my head in the pages and switch my brain off. Or at least dull it down a bit. |
| Prompt: Superpower. "Having a superpower has nothing to do with the ability to fly or jump, or superhuman strength. The truest superpowers are the ones we all possess: willpower, integrity, and most importantly, courage." Jason Reynolds How would the world be different if everyone knew they had superpowers? Which superpower do you think you possess? *** I have the ability to procrastinate better than 99% of the population... Case in point I am supposed to concentrating on a deadline for work tomorrow and instead I am doing this... I also have hyper focus (which seems counterintuitive to the procrastination but strangely isn't). This means that when I need to, I can actually get things done in about a quarter of the time - useful for deadlines... like the one tomorrow... mwahahaha. I can also become obsessive about things - expert level - again useful for my work and deep diving projects... but also organising Halloween parties each year... Additionally, I have insomnia - which gives me the superpower to read A LOT of books, but I also have the ability to function at a high level even on two hours sleep... Tea and chocolate also help. |
| Prompt - “Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.” Meister Eckhart. What resistance or skepticism does this quote bring up in your mind? And why? *** I guess this is a take on 'every day is an opportunity to learn something new'. That there is always something new to learn. Which is true in a lot of ways. Things are always evolving and changing, and if we aren't open to learning new things, it is likely we will get left behind. But learning new things is also exhausting. And hard. And frustrating. And daunting. Or at least it can be. Where there is a beginning, there is also a middle and an end. At some point it gets tough. Beginning gets harder the older you get. By the time we hit 40 we've started to get set in our ways. We get comfortable. Beginning over or something new seems like the start of a long journey - because we're experienced enough to know it takes time... regardless of what the "it" is, it takes time to learn something new. To be good or skilled at something. Or to be comfortable at something. I am very set in my ways. I like what I like. I dislike what I dislike. I don't have the energy to waste time doing things or talking to people I would rather avoid. I have also discovered that my filter seems to be faulty now, on occasions, because I'm comfortable enough to stand my ground more and go against the grain/flow... if it's important to me. Some people might say I have always been like that - but I find it easier now, perhaps because the circle of people whose opinions matter to me has got smaller the older I have become... That being said - beginning something new or something I have always wanted to do/try but haven't had the time, chance or confidence to do until now is very liberating and energising. There are definitely more "passion" projects these days, as well as times when I'm happy to try something different if I think it will help those around me feel more confident - i.e. with my kids - I will gladly be a beginner with my kids if it means they feel more comfortable giving something a go. The same goes for my friends and wider family. |
| Prompt - It is often assumed that certainty is preferred over uncertainty and confusion. Can you, however, think of instances where good things may result out of uncertainty and/or confusion? *** I think it depends on the situation. Is this situation good or bad. Because it's fan-bloody-tastic if it's good; butterflies, anticipation, excitement... awesome. But, if it's bad. If you are waiting for the guillotine to drop... it can give you nothing short of an ulcer. There is a part of me that believes that even if we are certain of an outcome, you are never truly certain of the fallout/consequences. We can take an educated guess - statistically it can be a "sure thing", but there is always a chance that something could happen to make the certainty, unpredictable - good and bad. Especially when people are involved. There are definitely times that certainty helps or is reassuring. I'm a planner. I feel happier and more content when I know what's going on. It makes me feel more in control. More confident. On the flip side of that, I'm also an over analyser. I over think - almost everything. I jump to the worse-case scenario and work backwards. It helps me process things, but it's also stressful as hell on occasions. If I "know" I'm going to have an argument - I run it through my head over and over until it actually happens - it's almost like rehearsing a play. I'm sure that makes me seem insane - but oh well. I don't think I would have handle the death of my father or having to put Indy to sleep any better if I had known. If I had seen it coming. With Indy, I knew it was coming soon - just not when or how soon. It would have been like watching a trainwreck in slow motion. It was when my aunt got diagnosed with terminal cancer - nine months and she was gone. Knowing didn't make it any better. Though perhaps it helped process stuff differently, earlier... There are many good things that can result out of uncertainty/confusion. Every job interview, or date there is a level of uncertainty - will I get the job, will I have to fain a family emergency and escape through the bathroom window...? Yet, being offered a contract or realising that the person in front of you is definitely worth more of your time to get to know is certainly a good thing. As strange as it sounds - especially with my penchant for lists - I like there being a level of uncertainty - of not knowing. |
| Prompt: “One day you discover you are alive. Explosion! Concussion! Illumination! Delight! You laugh, you dance around, you shout. But, not long after, the sun goes out. Snow falls, but no one sees it, on an August noon.” ~ Ray Bradbury *** WARNING - THIS IS NOT A HAPPY POST One day everything is fine. The world is full of fun and laughter and light, and the next it's knocked off its axis. The whole ground, never mind the rug, is taken out from under you and you are left staring into space like a zombie. It's the same world, but it's grey. All of the colour has been leached out of it. The snow dampens the sounds around you, sucking the life out of everything until the silence makes your brain hurt and itch. So much so you want to scream. If people look closely, they can see you're breaking. It's written in your bones, your muscles, your tired eyes. It's in the way you stare into the void that now exists - because They are not here anymore, so how can life ever be the same. *** We had to put our family dog to sleep on Tuesday night. I don't think I've stopped crying since. I had to tuck our kids in bed and reassure them Indy would be back in the morning, while Guy headed of the emergency vets. We thought it would be a case of antibiotics, maybe a blood test. I didn't think I'd get a phone call just after ten to say we needed to make a decision... that decision. We knew it was coming at some point. She was 13year 7 months. A good innings for an Akita. And we had had her since she was 7 weeks old. But it wasn't / isn't long enough. I know it was never going to be enough. A friend came over to watch the kids as we stole away into the night and headed to the veterinarian hospital. We got to comfort her and say goodbye. She fell asleep with her head in my arms, while my heart broke into pieces. I felt it when she slipped away - when her heart stopped. I can't unfeel it. I don't think I even want to. We told the kids the next morning. They are young enough to process it in a way that doesn't swallow them whole - I'm kinda jealous. I don't have that luxury. I feel like I'm drowning in my grief. I'm reminded of our new reality every second I step into the house. When I look at the food bowl that I haven't yet cleared away or the treat she left on the side of it. The house is too damn quiet it's practically screaming at me. There is no yowling to be let out or grumbling because I won't share food. I don't have a second shadow anymore. I don't want to people at the moment. I just want to sink into my semi catatonic state while my brain recalibrates - it's how I process grief. I don't want hugs and "I'm so sorry for your loss". But it's all people know how to give when they see someone they care about break. And I am breaking. Spectacularly so. It's almost an art form. We had to organise her collection and cremation yesterday. Choose if we wanted a viewing beforehand. Choose the urn/vessel. I'm selfish. I don't want to spread her ashes. I want to keep her with me. She always was with me. I don't think I will settle until she's home. The cremation isn't until Aug and she won't come home for a few after that. It's the longest we will have ever been part. |
| Prompt - On this day in 1817, the English novelist Jane Austen, who wrote such classics as Sense and Sensibility (1811) and Pride and Prejudice (1813), died in Winchester, Hampshire, at age 41. Which novel famously opens with the line, “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife”? Pride and Prejudice Fact or Fiction: Jane Austen agreed to marry someone but broke this agreement a day later. Fact - Harris Bigg-Wither (a brother of one of her friends) proposed in 1802. She initially accepted the proposal, but broke it off the next day, largely because despite the financial security it brought, she knew she didn't love him. Tom Lefroy, on the other hand, is rumoured to have been the inspiration into Mr Dacy.... But... it was never meant to be. Which of Jane Austen’s siblings helped publish two of her novels posthumously? Her brother Henry helped publish Northanger Abbey and Persuasion after her death. He is also the reason she is recognised and celebrated as an author as he included a biographical that identified her and listed all her published work. Which of Austen’s novels inspired the popular 1995 movie Clueless? Emma Don’t hate me, but I never really enjoyed reading Austin. Possibly because I had to read it in college. But I acknowledge she is one of the greats of English Literature. |
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Funny about Florida. And I think you did hit on a fact, there. 
