%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  Daily notes and timed freewrites but mostly my blog |
|
All comments are encouraged, I am interested in what others think and feel along the topics I choose to write about. Highlighted entries: [#732826] "In Memory"        ![Merit Badge in Supportive
[Click For More Info]
Thanks so much for being a great support and wonderful friend *^*Heart*^*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Supportive-650.gif) ![Merit Badge in Fantasy
[Click For More Info]
Member of the Month - September 2008
[Link To Item #1340208]
Congratulations! *^*Bigsmile*^*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Fantasy-600.gif) ![Merit Badge in G. o. T.
[Click For More Info]
Thank you for participating in [Link To Item #1157596] 2014 competition and for winning 3rd Place! *^*Trophyb*^* As a group, you guys did an amazing job! You should definitely be proud of yourself for all your hard work. *^*Glass*^* Here's to a successful year and I hope to see you in 2015! Cheers! ~ Gaby](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-G=46_o=46_T=46-1970219_14.gif) ![Merit Badge in Dark Dreamscapes
[Click For More Info]
Thank you for you participation with [Link To Item #1157596] and for supporting [Link To Item #dreamscapes] as a member of House of Baratheon.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Dark_Dreamscapes-1982963_14.gif) ![Merit Badge in Short Stories
[Click For More Info]
Thank you for your participation in [Link To Item #1157596] with written pieces. Whether you wrote poetry or a short story, doesn't really matter. I just want you to know that I appreciate your time, effort and working with short deadlines. You did great! ~ Gaby](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/type-Short_Stories-2180.gif) ![Merit Badge in Generosity
[Click For More Info]
Thank you so much Dyrhearte for your generosity! May this merit badge inspires you to keep spreading the joy of giving.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Generosity-617.gif) ![Merit Badge in Writing
[Click For More Info]
A small gift for a fan, and a friend. Why? Because we are writers.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Writing-2180.gif) ![Merit Badge in Campfires
[Click For More Info]
Thank you for your steady participation in your campfire, as part of [Link To Item #1157596] ! You've shown courage and originality, and you've stepped up to the plate when it was needed. Kudos to you! *^*Thumbsup*^* You're one of the few who are receiving this special MB as a thank you for your teamwork. ~ Gaby](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/type-Campfires-2180.gif) ![Merit Badge in Good Deeds
[Click For More Info]
Congratulations, you won First Place in the March 2014 round of [Link To Item #gooddeeds] !](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/WDC-Good_Deeds.gif)  |
| Upon some reflection, a previous statement I made in March 7th's blog entry, requires corrective clarification. I stated: "Reality" is illusive and subjective through the filters of personal experience and perception of the physical senses. My reality is not your reality. Your reality isn't mine. Since writing this statement I've had time to ponder the unity of everything known. If the premise is that everything is one thing; that everything, everyone within the universe is connected into singleness; then, My reality Is your reality and Your reality Is mine. The perceived differences come from the separateness we perceive through the meat containers from which we perceive our realities. This separateness is the great illusion. The deception of separateness allows each of us to pursue our life addictions to the exclusion of personal insight to the ultimate truths surrounding us. The truth being, We are all one in the same. This is a slippery concept to grasp. But once grasped, growth sparks further understanding to the truth of the unified reality. I'm still learning, still trying to grasp the "truth" of the enlightened sages of old. What keeps me going forward is the belief that I am capable of grasping the wisdom. I have fed my addictions, which in turn have placed me on the path I now trod. I see the world in a different way. This is fitting given what day today is for those of a particular "religious upbringing." Christians, both devout and fringe followers (fringe being those who celebrate the holiday for their children but not because they actually believe in the purpose of the holiday) have colored their eggs and baked their hams and had family gatherings. The devout have attended religious gatherings and prayed, the fringe have had fun (hopefully) and reconnected in a special way to friends and family. But are any of these celebrants liberated by their actions? Does it really matter? Each being has acted in accordance with their own personal addiction. My addiction is solitude. I've had a wonderful Easter weekend. I've spent the time thinking about unity, separateness, entanglement, and consciousness. I am by no means a wise person, nor do I think of myself as a sage. I do grasp the wisdoms of the ages at times. This weekend, I believe, was such a time. Happy Easter everyone. May the wisdom of Christ touch your soul as he intended, not as it has been propagandized over the centuries. And may you touch the truth, if just for a brief moment, that Christ is you and you are Christ and that we are all one. |
| Since 2006 I have practiced what I refer to as alternate mindfulness. Unfortunately, I've practiced this AM sporadically. Here is what I have observed in regards to actively and inactively practicing my methods of alternate mindfulness. When I first discovered the tools of AM, I received the gift of a DVD titled The Secret. Then I received from another friend a DVD titled Down the Rabbit Hole. I watched these videos with interest and for a short period of time adjusted my patterns of thinking around the concepts depicted within these two DVDs. During this period of active interest I purchased cassettes titled; The Four Agreements and The Secret. I also purchased the DVD titled What the Bleep: Down the Rabbit Hole. Of all these video and audio tools for self growth and finding my alternate mindfulness, I've given away the cassettes and the DVDs of The Secret, and Down the Rabbit Hole; keeping only the DVD What the Bleep:.... During this phase of personal mindful growth the obstacles in my life were manageable if not always pleasant. My physical health, although marginal, was not out of control. I accepted the concepts and practiced the exercises of changing my mindfulness regarding my realities in an attempt to get my out of control anger under control. There was some progress made regarding the control of temper, but as I felt less anger in situations, I faced the challenge of feeling more hurt within the same situations. I found myself crying more and feeling emotionally weak. I felt stronger when I reacted angrily, but in my anger I was hurting others unnecessarily. By allowing myself to drop the protection from hurt that the anger allowed, I was actually stronger within myself and I wasn't hurting those around me. Unfortunately, a couple of people who were not in tune with their own personal growth, took advantage of my seeming weakness to provoke vengeance upon past hurts I enacted through my anger toward them. Also, during this time of attempting to make those AM changes in my life, I lost my job because "I couldn't get along with my fellow employees". I find it interesting, that it was after I was making the changes within myself to get along better with others, that is when I got fired. For the next four years, I worked through a temp service. I barely survived financially, but I did survive. During this struggle, I lost the habit of practicing alternate mindfulness. I allowed the events of my life to overwhelm me and I became lost. The common sense view would say, "Well you stopped practicing AM when you most needed the benefits." In reality, because I stopped practicing AM, is why my experiences turned the way they did. Somewhere during this time, however, another change took place within me. The anger response left me. The original reason for practicing AM vanished. I succeeded in changing and I dropped the tools along the roadside to become a tumbleweed. During the four years of being nothing more than a temp employee, I let go of everything except the grief of losing a long term relationship and the grief of losing my oldest son. I let the wind of events blow me around. I lived in a "I don't care about myself" anymore reality. Then I became employed at a job that I enjoyed but the owners treated their employees dishonestly. During that year with that company I found myself feeling more agreeable within myself. I felt the growth of personal respect and the "want to" required to return to AM practices. However, before I acted upon this resurgence of personal growth, the company folded and I found myself unemployed, again. I was plunged into a well of hopelessness which has taken until now, nearly a year later, to climb out of. My recent discovery regarding the alternate mindfulness I had practiced years earlier is that, I never fully stopped practicing. I merely stopped consciously practicing. You see, I had internalized much of the basic truths of "The Secret" and established an internal belief of the power of the "Zero Field" of Quantum Physics, that my personal "slump" didn't manifest as bad as it could have. For instance, it was my gall bladder that needed removing, I didn't have cancer. And I went from a good job which folded to a better job where I am employed at now. This last week, I started watching "What the Bleep:..., again. Why? Because it is now that I find myself ready for the next phase of my personal AM growth. I am ready to improve upon the foundation I've built within myself. I have a job I truly love and I know won't disappear because of poor management; and, I have received gifts from unexpected sources calling me back to attentive work upon my self. I have discovered that I still like the person I have hidden from others for my own protection, and now I am willing to share myself with the outside world once again. Does this mean that I will return to writing again? Absolutely! I am ready to achieve my dreams and more importantly, I am ready to use the tools within me to meet those goals required to achieve my dreams. |
| The non containable thought shared...The spoken word once heard...the written word once read...the expressed idea comprehended. Philosophy is a discipline of the mind to answer the great questions. You know them, you've asked them sometime in your life. 1) Who am I? 2) Why am I? 3) Where did I come from? 4) Where am I going? 5) Does it matter? As you may notice, I'm in a mind (consciousness) expansion phase today. My center of being is focused on the big questions of existence. I think therefore I am. (?) In truth, my existence may be, "I think I am, therefore I think." My existence may simply be a thought wave within a thought universe. "Reality" is illusive and subjective through the filters of personal experience and perception of the physical senses. My reality is not your reality. Your reality isn't mine. I've had opportunity to physically experience this truth several times in my life. In some cases, my perceptions have come up against someone else's perceptions to an incompatible conclusion. These experiences invoke painful memory. Even when my perception of reality find a perceived compatibility with an overall reality so that my existence may reach an agreement within the perceived universe, there are enough differences to stress the separateness of my perceived reality in the universal ocean of realities to keep me separate from the whole. This is the basic definition of "I." I exist either as an idea, or concept...the point is the "I." Consciousness cannot exist without the separateness of I. If there is no separateness of conscious individuality where the I is nonexistent, then the consciousness of the individual is nonexistent. I'm not talking in circles, it simply appears that way. Take care and may your road lead to only good places. Deb  I'm the writer I am today, only because of all the help I've received from other writers yesterday. Compassion and the effort to try and understand some thing that was not understood before is a step toward acceptance not only of others but most importantly of yourself. |
| written at work between 3 min press cycles...written in many 2m to 1m 30s spurts of creation 2-26-16 Friday She hadn't always felt this level of animosity towards the paladin. True, suspicion regarding her standing with Trellen Arrensa was forever close at hand; but, changes occurred recently, which Malyn knew were not for the good. She didn't know, precisely, what had changed within her after she drank the Captain's potion. She felt herself losing her sense of reality--increased strength, uncontrolled rage and the compulsion to act upon her need to be free of the necromancer's bonds. Her actions became for her a dream of violence and victory over her tormentor. She broke free of her bonds by sheer strength. The thick leather stretched, then tore and snapped with little effort on her part. When the straps binding her to the table released, so too did her rage erupt; lending immediate action toward the assistant close at hand who had his back turned toward her-- ~~~~ ~~~~ Trellen fought his way into another dark and narrow corridor of this hellish maze of shadow and evil. As his sword found the heart of the necromancer's last minion presented before him, a muted, inhuman scream filtered from behind one of the doors lining the passageway. The scream was shrill with terror. Were they too late to save Malyn? The obvious death scream stunned Trellen for a moment. He calculated which door that sound had emanated from and raced toward the center of the long hall. Thus, Trellen was the first of Malyn's comrades to break into the chamber where he discovered her standing over a headless body. Blood flowed across the floor and the body still twitched. Trellen gasped in a sharp intake of breath then looked up to see Malyn turning to face him. She still held the man's head by his hair. Trellen took a reflexive step backwards into the corridor. "Malyn?" No recognition did he see in her eyes--feral eyes, alert and gauging the distance between herself and him. "Malyn!" |
| Okay, blow me away. Just finished posting the previous prompted vignette and my door bell rings. Gee, who could this be at the door? Of course, when I see the two young men, white shirts, dark pants and shoes...You got it. Nice young men on their mission. What surprised me was, when the Elder asked, "Are you Debora?" I stepped outside onto the porch and we had a short chat. At the moment, I'm laughing because just moments before, I'm reminiscing about something that has drawn me very far away from the Church and those strict beliefs...what was one of those things that died? Oh yes, my concrete moral beliefs of what is right and wrong... I have rejected the crutch which I call organized religion. I have rejected the group judgments regarding who, how and why God made me. I'm not willing to listen to anyone who says, "Love the sinner and hate the sin," when the sin being referred to happens to be my basic sexual nature. I was very polite but very abrupt. The young Elder asked how I stood with the church? I was very honest and said, "I don't walk in that faith anymore." I felt for the young men, they were taken aback for a moment and speechless. I guess when I speak the truth, my conviction is quite evident. Like I said, the conversation was very short. I did not invite them into my home or into my life. I accepted their card, just in case I find myself in need of some assistance. My parting comments were, thank you for coming by, God bless you, and happy Valentines Day. Here is the prompted vignette I had been reminiscing over. If you had to describe the best kiss you've ever had, how would you describe it? (Don't forget the reasons behind your decisions!) Hmmmm, now that memory I like to think about even though I was thirty-one years old, married with three children and with that first best-est ever kiss I knew I was screwed. Up to that moment in my life, no one had delivered the kiss of death, but she did. And what a sweet death that was. I remember I was afraid and felt so awkward, but when her lips touched mine the urgency changed from, "Oh God what the hell am I doing?" To "Oh my God, why haven't I done this before?" It wasn't a long kiss, well not the longest I'd experienced before or since that first one with her. But it was intense with confidence and purpose. My breath froze and the tingling of urgency spread like a wave from the top of my head to my curled toes. I was dizzy and warm and fuzzy and shocked by the intensity but I didn't want it to end. I remember her soft brown eyes looking into mine and she asked, "You like?" I was jello. She could see I liked which was a good thing because I was in no shape to talk about it. And we kissed again. The second kiss and third were not as intense, but the margin of the difference was not really measurable. I have to say I was hers forever after that kiss. I said it was the kiss of death. In so many ways I died. I accepted beyond a doubt that I am a lover of women. My denial of my sexual self died. My marriage died. My childhood innocence, what little I still clung to, finally died. My concrete moral sense between right and wrong...died. My past became even more bazaar to me. My dream for a "normal" life, died. Reality kissed me to death and I loved it. True Story...That was one of those moments when there was no returning to how things were. |
| The throw away person. (1) Creation of the Throwaway Person. According to my mother, I was a very deeply loved child. Yet,... One of my earliest memories is so Freudian it makes me laugh. It has to do with "potty training." Actually, the memory isn't as Freud described it, it had nothing to do with sexual impulse, per se; but everything to do with personal control and ego. My earliest training did have to do with personal power. Recently, I made a joking comment that my potty training was beat into me by my mother. I laughed about it, but took notice that the person I said it to didn't laugh. I ignored her response and we went on to other topics of conversation. My memory is such that, I think I was between four and five years old the last time I "wet the bed". Is that pretty late? I know, for all intents and purposes, I was potty trained enough to not be wearing diapers at that age, not even to bed. But, accidents do happen...right? I remember the dream I had before I was rudely awakened by a frustrated screaming mother with a belt. In my dream, I'd gotten up and gone to the bathroom like a good little girl, only I forgot to pull my pajama bottoms down before I sat on the toilet. My maternal grandma was with my mother in my dream and I was getting cleaned up with the admonitions of, "don't cry, it is easily cleaned up." Then I'm awakened by my mother pulling the covers off of me and screaming that I've ruined the mattress and I'm too old to be wetting the bed. She starts hitting me with the belt and the last thing I remember is trying to hide under the bed to get away from the belt. As painful as this memory is to read, I can tell you I've never wet the bed again. Whenever I had/have that dream, which has proven to still happen to this day, I wake myself up before I sit on the toilet still wearing my pajamas. This memory is from fall of 1959 or the spring of 1960. (I think) My 1-1/2 to 2 (?) year old sister was sharing the bedroom with me and I think my second sister was brand new and sleeping in Mom's room. My first sister still wore diapers to bed and slept in a crib that didn't have the side on it. My Mother was between 20 and 21 years old with three babies. The perfect "environmental conditions" for emotional volcanic eruptions. I don't remember my sisters all that well at this age. I can barely remember them being around. I know they had to be there, though, because they were born in 1957 and 1959. I do remember my Daddy Jerry, my second sister's daddy. Once, he rescued me from the driveway after I stepped on a piece of glass, and I remember when he tried to teach me how to swallow a 1 a Day vitamin rather than chew it. The point being, I don't remember "my" father first...He was out of my life before I was 2 years old. And, my first memories of my step-father are all fun and good memories. So why, if my mother loved me so very much, why are my first memories of her so brutal? She never had (took) the time to show me her boundless love. I was either another burden (in which case I'd been bad in some way) or, if I was being good, I wasn't in need of attention. I can remember my two cousins, Donny and Kenny, more than I can remember my sisters. Donny was older and Kenny was born a month before me. We pretty much grew up together. I think I've always been closer to my cousins than my own sisters. At my age now, this is what I get from this memory. 1) I can see where my own temper (my expression of rage) comes from. I have inherited my mother's 21 year old, out of control temper. She taught me, literally, how to behave when enraged. 2) My mother taught me the consequences of what happens if I misbehave. The result wasn't to encourage me from doing things I knew would displease my mother, but rather to get pretty sneaky about doing things I thought "might" displease my mother. (That brings up a whole other set of memories.) 3) She didn't beat down my ego. I admit, I have a very strong and powerful ego. The more she tried to dominate me the more I resisted her domination. Yet, like I said, I didn't wet the bed after that last "whipping." Instead, I learned that when my pajama/toilet dream happens I need to wake up and make a bathroom run. At age four that is some awesome personal power! As an adult, I once asked my mother, how hard was I to potty train? Her answer was, not very hard at all; it seems, she remembers that I disliked having wet diapers so I was eager to use the toilet and learned quickly. Of course, she doesn't remember ever "beating" me for wetting the bed. And, from her perspective, my spankings probably weren't beatings. But five or six or more hits with a belt on wet pajamas would be a more intense memory for a toddler than the enraged adult delivering the punishment. |
| In the 1980s there was a train of thought for self improvement that suggested that every person follow their dreams to fruition. This was referred to as Following your Bliss. The problem I had with this concept was, I didn't know what my Bliss was. If I had no clue to what my dreams were, how could I follow them to fruition? I did have some inkling that I wanted to be a writer. However,... I was pretty messed up (emotionally and cognitively) during the first few years of the '80s. I was just out of the military. I was a mother, a college student, a wife, and still closeted within myself. I was also disassociated from the abuses of my childhood and teen years to the point of not remembering much of my own personal history. I was in therapy for dis-associative behaviors, but because I refused to accept that I was gay, the therapy wasn't making much headway. By the end of 1985, I'd accepted that I was gay. I was separated from my spouse who took custody of our children, and I was beginning to reach a crisis regarding the magnitude of the abuses I'd survived from my parents. Looking back on the 80s I can only say I'm happy to have survived my psychic storms in one piece. Luck had something to do with my survival. The 90s found me in a very "blissful", loving relationship and eventually, both my sons were in my custody. For the most part, life was never better, from my perspective. I dabbled with poetry in the early 90s (1990-1992) and by 1999 I had written the beginnings of three stories of High Fantasy. This activity of writing stories gave me a definite belief that my dream was to become a published author. So from 1999 thru to 2002 I immersed myself into transcribing my flights of imagination into print. I was following my Bliss. Then my sons were old enough to leave home. My youngest son joined the Army and served in Iraq. My companion through the 90s, whom I loved deeply, left to follow her own dream (?) (In truth, I have no clue why the woman I loved left, other than she didn't love me as deeply or in the same way as I loved her.) With the disintegration of my personal relationships, my flights of imagination began to dry up. From 2003 thru 2007, I still wrote and improved upon my mechanics...but it was a struggle. I've never finished the longer stories I've started. I've had my moments when I have returned to one story and have rewritten and tightened parts of the story. The last such creative flurry being in 2013 and some resulting in short stories early in 2014. Part of my "writer's block" from 2007 through the present has to do with how dark my stories turn. I realize that darkness is all a part of my life experience and a part of my creative process. However, when the stories enter the inevitable stages of violence and emotional darkness, my energy to complete them dissipates. The stories stall out. Maybe, if I were to correlate my life with the flow of the stories, the problem is that I have no idea how to resolve the conflicts my characters find themselves experiencing, because I've yet to resolve those concepts in my own experiences. Thus said, is my bliss in truth to become a published author, or is my bliss actually to resolve myself to my past and find for myself a resolution to my life experiences I can accept? Becoming published would then be a side effect, not the main goal. These are tough concepts for me. I will ponder them and try to discover an answer I can live with. In the mean time, I will dream of finding my true Bliss and then endeavor to follow my dreams to fruition. |
| The first week, going back on day shift and back to the molding section was difficult and I didn't handle the changes very well. The second week went better; I was able to control the difficulty of the time and job changes by controlling how I perceived my role. It seems that by the end of the second week, one of the truths and strategies of why I was placed back into a job I never wished to return to became evident. The molding section is going to have greater demands placed upon it this year and my skills of adaptation to the situation is needed to assist the department. Once I determined that I can successfully swallow (subdue) my ego and not take the overbearing lead with way too large an ego as a personal threat, my own self defensive posture disappeared. The act of subduing one's ego isn't without personal cost, however. I was ill last Thursday, too ill to go to work. The headache, nausea and lower intestinal discomfort was purely stress induced, but one day home brought that under control. Next week promises to be a bit smoother. |
| Presently reading Exiles of the Starsby Andre Norton. In my reading activity as of last November I have finished reading Moon of Three Rings, Star Guard, and Star Rangers. I plan to read every Andre Norton story I presently have in my personal library (26 books). |
Title says it all. Company is going through it's personnel rotation after the official takeover by new owners. I'm pretty much back where I was a year ago at this time. lmao  I will be adjusting to new "time zone" and relearning old jobs. I hope my upcoming "dark" anniversary will get set aside this year and not play havoc with my mental/emotional fragility. It is the 5th anniversary of my oldest son's passing on to the next adventure.   "In Memory" |
Six days into the new tyear and I'm here...finally.  2016  Looks strange to not see the 15, but I have this feeling that this year holds some surprises and accomplishments. |
| Don't speak to others about your painful past. No one wishes to hear it; instead, speak of happy memory where joy touched your life. I read this somewhere this weekend and at first I was inclined to agree in the wisdom of the sentiment. But as time went on, I found myself growing irritated by the phrase...No one wishes to hear it... What I have to say to that is...Oh well. If I have the need to get a bad memory off my chest by talking about it, I will find for myself an empathetic/sympathetic audience who won't mind listening. After all, if emotional or physical trauma is stuffed inside and ignored, maladaptive behavior tends to manifest. Anger, resentment, sadness requires a release or it grows beyond controlling and is acted out inappropriately. If someone doesn't wish to take the time to listen to one of my painful memories so that I can feel that someone in the here and now cares, then I will find another who does care and isn't afraid to let me know it by listening to me. I'm getting to the age where I just don't have the time to waste on people who don't care. Those who don't look for you, don't ask about you, or don't miss you; don't care about you. I will value whoever values me and I won't spend a moment of concern on anyone who treats me as someone not worth their time. |
I am confronted with a couple topics requiring change within myself this next year. Both deal with personality and character changes. These, of course, are the most difficult changes a person can tackle. Why am I endeavoring to make such changes? For one, I want to create for myself and others a better work environment. I have come a long way in regards to one of the changes, which I am choosing to concentrate further change. This is in respect to my daily "internal climate." I have many more smiling days than I have sad and/or frustrating days. I wish to improve my behaviors on those days of frustration (on the edge of rage) and sadness. The thing is, my brain works against me on those days. I need to develop a personal strategy that will enable my brain to work for me when I am blue or on the edge of my rage. A mantra of sorts comes to mind. Something I can chant (sort of like the concept of counting to ten) when I feel my anger trying to overwhelm the personae I wish to portray; especially at work. Now I understand that when the grief for the losses I've suffered in my life presents itself, I'm not going to be able to avoid "feeling" the anger and the sadness. However, I will be able to act in a way that others won't have to "know" I'm having a "bad" or "off" day. Basically, I am going to teach myself how to be a hypocrite. I am going to be intentionally dishonest by wearing a prepared mask of happiness so others won't know what my internal world is really all about. I'm going to play the part of the Clown. Somewhere between ages 30 and now I lost this survival technique. I'm thinking about the time I came out was when I dropped the "face of the clown." In fact, my clown face had been so strong at that time in my life, that I was just as surprised as my counselor to discover I was gay and always had been.  The more difficult part of my self change is overcoming the aspect of brain shut down. Negative emotion numbs my intellect and conscious thought process. I hope to combat this by actively, mentally, reviewing the steps required to perform the activities I have set before me. When I am able to jump into a project and complete that project in a timely and accurate manner when emotional storms rage inside, then I know I have perfected the "Clown" and I have successfully accomplished my resolution for an outward character/personality change. Then I can add to my character that I am a practitioner of hypocrisy. |
| 12/2/15 12:43 AM Shadow Girl by ??? hmmmm I really hate it when I can't remember the author's name, especially when I loved the story. It was a story I read while in high school. Possibly published after the 50s...Now I'm going to have to search the net to see if I can find it again. 12/2/15 11:36 AM I slept on it...author's name was Ray Cummings. His name was the first coherent thought when I woke up It is nice to know I can still access people and place names even if it does take a night and a day to retrieve the info  12/2/15 11:45 AM https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ray_Cummings Note: The Shadow Girl (Argosy 1929)--Boy was I way off on when this was published. Of course, the paperback I read may have been a reprint. Here I had read a classic from one of the pioneers of pulp fiction and didn't even know it. |
| The weekend is coming to a close. Tomorrow back to the ol' grind...work. Oh yea, that's right, that was one of the things I was thankful for! Geez, how soon I forget. |
| Bounty of the Harvest This day is set aside to show thanks in what you have vs what you have not. For me, I'm thankful today for the kindness of others. I'm thankful for: a steady job and income a warm home family relatively good health I still have the need to write those who think of me as a friend Well 6 7 8 of 10....I know if I think hard enough, the other four three two (if not more) will be added to the list. |
| Work has been less than rewarding the last few weeks...more demands than I'm capable of meeting...so I've been a bit stressed about performance. Of course, beings that I am training on new-to-me product and the product line consists of many shapes sizes and textures, I am easily overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed my brain kicks into neutral and my ability to think through clearly, disappears. Of course, my production nearly slides into reverse, so very little forward momentum is evident to the supervisor. [This is how production goes into reverse...more than 50% of time, material and effort gets thrown into the rejects.] She is switching me around so much, that although I have built four different products within the same week, I haven't been able to learn how to build four different products. I discover, too late, mistakes made which place the item I've just spent (anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour) building must now be placed in the reject bin. To add to the pressure, the supervisor is pushing me to "pick up my speed" as if that is really going to solve all the problems. One of the other "builders" advises me to work smart and my speed will naturally pick up. I would laugh at this, if I had the time. On the surface, her advise is sage and makes perfectly good sense to her and the super. My problem is that I don't know the building process of each product well enough to know how to time myself and to pre-plan each step involved in building... On top of all this, I'm expected to take two breaks and a lunch in an 8 hour period (equates to 7 hours production time). Every time I leave my station, my momentum and focus is disrupted...This is the first time working at this business that I've been in this situation. There is a feeling of panic within this whole department I've not experienced in other departments. So very discouraged with my present situation. This too shall pass, I only hope I survive it. |
A riddle: What is so fragile that by simply speaking its name it will shatter?Another one:  I'm first in Earth, Second in Heaven. I occur only once in a year, but twice in a week...What am I?Last one, just for kicks and giggles:  I have a mouth, but never eat; a bed but never sleep; and I'm constantly running but never tire. What am I? |
| Wars happen during the life of every generation. Today we celebrate the Armistice of the Great War, the war to end all wars: except, it didn't. So the name of the holiday (for some) was changed to Veteran's Day to honor those who have fought to maintain freedom for our country and most parts of the world. Someday, the dream that was Armistice Day will come to pass. In the meantime, I raise my Flag at half mast to honor the glorious Dead and then go to work after fixing my lunch. |
| It is that time of year when nanoitis strikes the community. I'm not smitten by the bug this year, to my own disappointment, but I'm hoping to foster a year long affair with my writing as I adjust to the routine of working steadily for more than a year and a half now. I'm comfortable with my job and I have the feeling that this job will keep me until I quit it for that retirement adventure. (about 7-9 years, depending on my personal goals and finances). I'm finding myself participating with the site again. And I've felt the twinge; for me, the deep inner restlessness; of the writing urge during the last six weeks. I've not shared my sporadic accomplishments with the site, but as my habit takes better hold, I know I will share the end results. So for all you Nano enthusiasts...GOOD LUCK AND GOOD STORY TO YOU ALL. |
 Log in to Leave Feedback |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Ken