A glimspse into my musings ... as rambling, twisted & demented as they may be
~ A glimspse into to the musings of my mind ... as rambling, twisted & demented as they may be at times. ~
~"Your acting, or your writing, is not yours to judge. So saying "I'm not very good at this" is some sort of protective mechanism, and it will keep you from sharing it with people. You have to be willing to fearlessly expose yourself."
-- Lee Tergesen ~
|I still can't get over the generosity or some people on WDC. Sure I like to do nice things for people now and then and I am always up for helping a friend in need or a good cause, but yesterday was something else. The outpouring of support and cheer that so many showed me on my account Birthday was beyond anything I ever expected. I still don't think that I can truly express how much your friendship means to me, but want to thank you all again. You made yesterday so much more than another day and showed WDC is more than a bunch of writers, it is a community and many times a family.
|2010 ... a new year ... a clean slate.
2009 was a rough year for many of us. For some of us it is not over, but I pray it is on the path back. Our household is still a bit in limbo, but things are looking up. 2009 stumbled right off the start for us with my son breaking his arm Christmas day ... no insurance ... and then my husband and I's respective jobs cutting hours. Half the mortgage started coming off a credit card/overdraft protection and the CC interest rates started going thru the roof.
We tried talking to our mortgage company and credit cards alike but they don't like to help you when "you are not YET behind" regardless. By the end of March my husband was laid off. It was the first time in his life he drew unemployment and the first time in our 17 years of marriage I watched him struggle to find a job. Now officially "behind" we tried again ... no luck. Frustration and fear settled in until I refused to answer the phone and avoided the mail box like the plague.
I could only play ostrich for so long. Eventually I had to look around and make decisions for my family. The unemployment was coming to an end. How silly it seems to save money so you can declare you have no money and file bankruptcy. We did it. We made the decision that even when he found a job after 7 months... at little more than half his former hourly salary and an double the drive... we wern't going to be able to save our home. It was hard to tell our 12 year old son that we will have to move out of the only home he has ever known but we have a wonderful kid and he has stayed upbeat while we look for a place to rent.
Christmas was slim but I have to admit that there was a lot more emphasis on family and togetherness than there has been in the past and I really enjoyed that. December 28th was the last day creditors could file an objection to our BK so our discharge should be coming through soon signalling a new start. For now we are trying to squirrel a bit away for utility and rent deposits and waiting for the word from the bank when they want us out of the house.
We are looking at a small farm house to rent.The couple that own the house are a wonderful christian couple that are willing to work with us despite poor credit and limited funds. It has its good points and its not so good but it seems a good fit for hubby, son, dog and I. As long as the four of us can be together all else will work out.
Writing used to be my escape from the world, my passion. I miss those days more than I can say. The past several months I have thought of nothing but money and moving. The budget is in place and I don't know yet when we have to be out. I am doing all I can to assure my family a fresh start devoid of the pitfalls and mistakes of our youth. Now all I really want to do is rediscover that passion ... find that escape again. I have sat here last night and today thinking of resolutions and goals. There you have it.
Now to find THE project, the one that will light that fire again. That is my goal for tonight. Wish me luck.
I wish each and everyone of you peace, prosperity, creativity and happiness in 2010. Good luck with your clean slate.
|Got a call a few minutes ago from mom. My father's uncle from southern Indiana passed. Funny the little things in life that you remember. I can picture my tacky little terry cloth shorts and tanktop set and the leather visor bought just for vacation(loved the 70s), I remember the excitement of FINALLY being able to get out of the van and stretch my legs after the long drive, meeting new family members that greeted step kids into the family with easy acceptance, lotsa love, and even more food ... that was also my first meeting with an electric fence. LOL (watch where you are running when you stretch those legs) I will miss Uncle Cecil, his smile and his sweet potatoes. God Bless and keep him until we meet again.
|*shivers* The acronym sends shivers down my spine and makes my stomach twist in knots.
Jeff is encouraging me and others to give it a go this year with an activity through the UENG.
I have a story that has been haunting me. I tried starting it here once but it seems with longer works if I post as I go the comments of others sway me from my direction and make me compromise my style. This makes me second guess myself and saps the passion from the story. So this time I will write for me and my eyes only.
I have come to the conclusion that I can't worry about making soccer moms cry and I can't please everyone. So It is time to give Club Justice a try again. Will I make it to 50,000 words? No idea. The number is daunting. I have never made it over 25,000 but it is time to try. Wish me luck!
|S. L. Britton is on her way!! She will be here at 5:00 when I get out of work and is staying until 8/30!
We have been friends since Highschool, worked together for 6 years at Levolor and she even lived with us for a year. When she moved to Naples Florida it was killer! I lost my BF and shopping partner so you know what we are doing tomorrow ... Shopppppingggg and Red Lobster BAYYYYBEEE!
Have a great weekend all!!
A little chocolate wisdom from Dove ...
Bring your life to life ... stop planning and start doing!!
|The day is grey and gloomy and with it my thoughts. Do you ever have a song lyric come out of no where and stick in your head? I haven't heard Eric Clapton's "Promises" in years, but here it is this morning running thru my head ...
We made a vow
we'd always be friends.
How could we know that promises end.
La la la ...
*sighs* The makings of a .... well ... a day. Let's try to look on the at least neutral side.
|Sometimes I think that we get so wrapped up in the pretty s that come with a review that we don't stop and READ the reviewer's thoughts. This is not to point fingers at anyone. I am as guilty of this as the next person at times. But over the last couple of days I have been the recipient of two reviews that made me feel like a million bucks. Both reviews came with a 4.5 star rating BUT the praise directed at the story and the writing made me feel like it was a 6!
A year ago I might of dwelled on that elusive , wracking my brain for how to be perfect instead of just reading what they had to say. They didn't find any errors. They loved the descriptions! The enjoyed reading my story. Isn't that what you want to hear? Isn't that why you share your work here? It is something special to get the opinion of writers you admire and feel that you measure up... to know THEY think you measure up. Pretty stars aside ... that is what really matters.
Yesterday the music world lost a truly great musician and contributor to the industry. Les Paul passed away at the rocking age of 94. An incredible muscian in his own right, Les will be remembered by most as the inventor of the solid body electric guitar.
This is a song that Richie Sambora wrote for a Les Paul Tribute album called Les Paul and Friends. The song is called Great Hall of Fame. I couldn't find an official video on youtube but here is a link to a fan video so you can hear the song.
God Bless you Les
|As of late there seems to be a lot of bickering and unrest here on WDC. Small cells of bitterness seem intent on creating strife between case colors and hashing over tired old conspiracy theories. This saddens me and at times angers me. WDC is my home away from home, and so often my place of escape. Everyone has a right to search for happiness. One of the many great things about WDC is that no one is forced to be here. If you are unhappy ... leave. Simplicity at its finest. Why would one stay where they are miserable and feel unwanted? Go. Look for someplace where you are happy or create your own happiness. Believe it or not ... we wish you well.
|I have so many story ideas chasing around in my mind of late that they trip over one another in my mind, pushing and shoving, squabbling like children to get to the front of the line ... and yet when I sit down to write ... it is as if the connection between mind and fingers has been severed. It is no wonder so many true artists go mad.
|All I saw in the headlines today is Michael Jackson and I had to ask why? Farrah died yesterday as well. Was her life not worth as much? Did her brand of drama not sell as many papers? *sighs* I honestly do not understand the press.
I said I was in mourning ... I am. I mourn not for Michael Jackson but my heart goes out to those hurting at his passing.
As I told a friend today ... I understand the hurt. I loved The Man in Black, No ... not Johnny Cash ... The Intimidator ... # 3 .... Dale Earnhardt. I was sick to my stomach when his car hit the wall on that fateful last lap. I sobbed in front of the televison when they made the announcement, held in the arms of my not yet five year old son. It is something he remembers and one I cherish as a mother. The understanding and compassion of a child is humbling. I went to work the next day and co-workers ... many I wasn't even close to ... took the time to pass my desk ... say a word ... and so many squeeze my shoulder and ask if I would be okay. I cried.
I didn't know Dale Earnhardt. I was never blessed to meet the man, but on Sundays he entertained me and made me believe in miracles. I never counted him out. I loved him as many a fan did and this is why I mourn for the fans of Michael Jackson. I know the pain and the heartache.
My prayers are with the fans.
|I read an interesting article the other day on writing buddies that I wanted to share with you.
The opening of the article caught my attention as it describes writing as often being "a solitary pursuit." As I was reminded last week when my writing partner went down with the flu, that couldn't be further from the truth in my case. While Adriana Noir and I do not collaborate on the same writing project, we write together. Confused? I don't blame you. Perhaps it is part of the "twin bond" that everyone says we have, but we are happiest, and most productive, when together. For us a that can be as simple as an open IM box or as blissful as side-by-side desks in the den. Without that connection, each word is like letting blood.
For some, our type of dependance would be stifling. Even I wouldn't call it ideal, but it is what it is and it garners results. Accountability partner, critic, cheerleader, editor, or just a friend to listen ... simply put, not everyone is looking for the same thing in a writing buddy.
|If complacency kills ... dependency is a slow agonizing death. Adriana Noir and I have been writing partners for eight years. In that time we have developed a pattern of signing into PAL or another Instant Messenger program and send bits back and forth for editing and simple "does this suck" purposes. Rae has been sick for the past four days. Before that I had done a great time keeping to my daily goal. In the last four days I have barely cracked the daily goal for ONE day.
How do I overcome the dependency?
|Well, I managed to make it through the weekend with my 400 a day goal intact. *giggles* Yes folks ... I have managed a whole 5 days. It doesn't sound like much but ... 'baby steps' is the new mantra.
Saturday I had a kick ass day writing for me. I lounged on the couch with the lap top from 11am - 9pm with only an occasion Pepsi or potty break and wrote. Ohhh.. ummm and a shower at one point when the scuz factor kind of got to me. Any whooo I ended up with 2000 words for the day and I was happy.
Sunday ... ummm not so much. Complacency kills. My slacker mentality crept in and silenced my muse. *cringes at the whispered 'we wrote five times our count yesterday ... we can take a day off' ... sighs* SOOO I fought with every distraction ... ohhh is that Jason Varitek on TV ... mmmmm yummm....doesn't he kind of look like Jason Statham??? .... oops NASCAR is on .... Tony Stewart in the lead?? ... Mmmm the new Bond is so much hotter than the others ... Ice cream sounds sooo good ..... Law and Order ... wow ... talk about ripped from the headlines ... EEE In Plain Sight ... one of my favorites and another episode right from the headlines. sighhhssss Yep ... anything for a distraction.
I would dare to bet I wrote a 1000 words yesterday as I gave my backspace key a work out. In the end the bottom line was ... 430 quality words to move the story along and another day on track with my goals.
Wish me luck.