Bloggin' Umholtz (Book) https://www.Writing.Com/main/profile.php/blog/joeumholtz I know its been quite awhile since I've posted anything to this blog, but I thought I should update you on what's going on in my life. My health has gone downhill greatly, to the point where I have to have a major transplant operation. To get this operation I have to move to Miami temporarily which we are doing in the next few weeks. Some of you have become friends over the years and I thought you might want to follow my progress and my story. So here are ...[Read Full Post] Wed, 26 Feb 2014 20:53:53 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/808304 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/808304 My sweetie is off the ventilator and getting stronger every day. Tomorrow is Valentines Day and I plan on spending a good bit of it holding her hand. Best Valentines Day I could ever hope for. Mon, 13 Feb 2012 22:23:37 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/747043 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/747043 In my life I've seen some mighty bad things and have more than enough bad memories, but none can come close to watching EMT's performing CPR on my wife Friday night. It is a memory I wish I didn't have. Right now she's in the hospital in ICU on a ventilator which does make me thankful the EMT's were there. I'm so lost without her here at my side. I miss her smile, her laugh and her soft touch. Sigh....[Read Full Post] Sun, 12 Feb 2012 12:19:50 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/746905 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/746905 It's funny. One of the first things I noticed upon waking up unemployed was how good I felt. I felt relaxed, I felt at peace, I actually felt happy. It's been about three weeks now and that feeling hasn't subsided. I get up earlier now than I did when I was working. I enjoy my day and look forward to the next. I've gone fishing more in the last three weeks than the rest of the year! I spend time with my wife. And most importantly, I'm starting to get caught ...[Read Full Post] Mon, 07 Nov 2011 07:42:28 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/738893 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/738893 In the spring of 1979 I graduated from Penn State with a degree in Environmental Resource Management. I was not the best of students, but I had an innate intelligence that allowed me to brag I could take a multiple choice test in any subject any pass it. Arrogance? Probably. But more often than not it proved true. This is not a good thing. Study habits? I had none. Attention span? Forget it if I sat anywhere near the window and it wasn't much better if I sat a...[Read Full Post] Fri, 21 Oct 2011 10:14:44 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/737529 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/737529 Lost, One middle-aged adult-child Has gray beard and ponytail Is well fed and friendly Doesn't drink or smoke Smiles and laughs frequently Has poor eyesight, Is deaf in one ear and can't hear from the other Missing three teeth Has an acquaintance with: Gout, arthritis, kidney stones, gall stones, enlarged spleen, cirrhosis, heel spurs, bulging discs, pinched nerves, shot nerves, high blood p...[Read Full Post] Wed, 12 Oct 2011 21:40:56 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/736756 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/736756 To Who; Whom; Whomever It May Or May Not Concern, Linda and I are weathering (hey, I made a punny) this hurricane quite well. In anticipation of the oncoming storm Linda and I went to C'dale yesterday. I nailed the garbage cans to the side of the house so they wouldn't blow away and being the Thinker that I am I took my trusty chainsaw and cut down every tree and shrub within three hundred ft. of the house. True, I had to cut down several trees on the...[Read Full Post] Sun, 28 Aug 2011 07:25:31 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/732617 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/732617 Today in the mail I received correspondence from my Health Insurance for some testing I had done. The testing cost $115.00 There was a "discount" of $101.64 My insurer paid $ 12.02 The balance was $ 1.34 Now, while I'm pleased with that part, it took six pages, an envelope, and 46 cents postage to tell me about the $1.34 and... it wasn't even a bill. The bill will be coming in the future in ...[Read Full Post] Thu, 30 Dec 2010 10:33:56 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/714287 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/714287 Another volume of The Things I learned or almost learned has surfaced! It was found by three migrating pasta makers as they crossed the isthmus of Vermicelli. They had stopped for the night and were busy setting up camp when Pasta Maker Capelli D'Angelo felt the call of nature. While relieving himself he noticed a thin round tube extruding from the ground. Upon closer inspection he found that inside the tube was Volume 37. When they realized what they had ...[Read Full Post] Sun, 26 Dec 2010 14:49:02 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/714118 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/714118 Note: At this time of year many families send out annual letters to update family and friends of the past years events. While some people view them as nothing more than a way to brag about successes and children, they are a very efficient way of updating people all at once. Not as good as a blog, mind you. But not bad. So with that thought in mind I give you an update on Little Jim's life, which I guess in a way could be called bragging, after all there is ...[Read Full Post] Tue, 21 Dec 2010 12:35:03 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/713922 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/713922 Vol 8.5 This volume was discovered beneath some old flea infested trail blankets in a deserted cabin on the trail to/from Nowhere. It was tattered and torn and part was used as nesting material by a family of down on their luck arctic nutria. Through forensic analysis it was determined that volume 8.5 was written before the great Hoover brain drain of 2012 and after the Turkey and Eggnog wars of 2018. In terms of rarity, as dete...[Read Full Post] Sat, 01 Jan 2011 21:32:19 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/713876 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/713876 Vol 7 1. Always lend a helping hand. It's the least you can do and you should always do the very least. 2. Eat more garlic. 3. Talk less. Listen more. 4. Pain is an excellent teacher 5. Irony is useful. Explosives are better. 6. Patience is a virtue. There is no money in being virtuous. 7. When you're eighteen you'll be mad at the world. 8. When you're thirty you'll have all the answers....[Read Full Post] Mon, 13 Dec 2010 16:54:48 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/713537 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/713537 Things I've Learned (or Almost Learned) ( in no particular order) Vol. 6 ( Volumes 1 thru 5 were lost in the great Hoover Brain Drain of 2012 ) 1. The best you can hope for is to start the day with the blue water. 2. Lebanon Bologna is very good. 3. Hershey chocolate syrup is very good. 4. Lebanon Bologna with Hershey Chocolate syrup is not. 5. Sleep is not overrated. 6. Reality is. 7. As you gro...[Read Full Post] Fri, 10 Dec 2010 17:38:54 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/713369 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/713369 It was early. Too early. It was a habit I had reluctantly developed many years earlier. Up, out of bed and get moving. Breakfast could wait. Pop said I should have been a farmer. Work three hours and then get breakfast. I slipped into my jeans, flannel shirt and made my way down the stairs. The bedroom door stuck a little, but I had learned to push against it while I turned the well worn knob, trying to keep the noise to a minimum. The other bedroom doors were cl...[Read Full Post] Fri, 10 Dec 2010 17:58:01 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/712282 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/712282 It was early Thanksgiving morning and a light snow coated the ground.This wasn't the powdery mid-winter snow of late December or January but rather an early winter wet snow, the kind you find late in November, the kind that on a sunny day would be gone by noon. My Mom was busy in the kitchen making the stuffing for our Thanksgiving dinner while my Dad sat at the breakfast counter eating a bowl of cereal with a sliced banana. A steaming cup of coffee sat next t...[Read Full Post] Thu, 26 Nov 2009 10:42:40 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/677718 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/677718 Several weeks ago my wife and I were headed out of town on a one day excursion. We stopped at Burger King on the way out of town so my wife could grab some breakfast. I had already eaten but since it was going to be a long drive, I figured I'd get a cup of hot tea to sip on going down the road. We went through the drive through. After placing my wife's order I ordered a LARGE cup of hot tea. The speaker crackled and a voice came back telling me they di...[Read Full Post] Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:48:30 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/676827 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/676827 My Dad passed away on 9/6/09. He missed my Mom greatly. They are together again, now. Below is the eulogy I delivered at his service. A little more than six months ago I stood here and spoke to most of you about my mom. I thought that would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do... I was wrong. I called my dad, Pop. It's what he called his father. For a time, when I was younger, I tried referring to him as "the old man". My nieces were ...[Read Full Post] Sun, 13 Sep 2009 15:51:29 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/667586 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/667586 Typically I don't like eating at restaurants in hotels. I find them to be overpriced with ho-hum food. Last Wednesday, I made an exception. I arrived back at my hotel - Holiday Inn, Pittsburgh University Center in a torrential downpour. I've stayed here before and I'm well aware that there are a number of eateries within walking distance, but after a 4.5 hr car ride and another 4 hrs of meetings, all I really wanted to do was get something to eat and l...[Read Full Post] Mon, 03 Aug 2009 15:29:03 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/662071 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/662071 Thirty... or now that I think about it, it's more like forty years ago; I picked up a fly rod (See my story Flora Belle). It was an ungainly and unforgiving thing, though I didn't know it at the time. It was 9 ft. long, made of bamboo, and felt rather like a limp noodle in my hand. It came in a battered cloth case and had been passed around the family from one fisherman to another. My cousin Fritz had written his name on the end flap of the case. The case...[Read Full Post] Tue, 28 Jul 2009 20:33:38 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/661241 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/661241 Thu, 19 Mar 2009 20:43:25 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/641268 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/641268