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Just my opinions and outlook on life |
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The end of 2020 The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun. Closely Watched Trains I stand alone in blinding rain, waiting on an unknown train. My future life, a choice to make. Only one I can take. Two tickets lay in my hand, don’t know where to stand. One path leads to a familiar past. Comfort once lost; now peace might last. The other takes me far away. Unknown future, a bright new day? Strangers can become friends. A new life, old wounds can mend. Last time I waited on a train, a filthy walkway, urine stains. Crying frightened, shameful tears, burdened with pain, unknown fears. The smut on me wouldn’t wash away. In pores so deep, I had to stay. If I hung in, worked the steps. A cluttered mess might bring rest. Been running too long and fast, towards a certain fatal crash. Smoke the gin, drink the powder, Alice of Wonderland in troubled water. I did hard work, washed my stains. Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame. I found answers for all asked of me, climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree. Now, I wait on my wish filled train. I pray a light shines true in dark rain. God, I have come a long, long way. I need to love myself enough to stay. By Kathie Stehr 11/27/2020 Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids. I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone. Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope. I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life. All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again. I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt. 2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can. I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober. I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family. Kathie Stehr December 31, 2020 ** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable ** |
| DAY 3299 November 20, 2021 Red or Green Silver or Gold Blue or White Or any combo of the above colors. What speaks holiday to you and why? Red is the color of my babies hair. Both born with skin soft and fair. I still hang a red stocking with Baby P. My Mom made before our first toy filled tree. Green for all the live fir trees we cut. Beautiful cold days, hot chocolate in cups. Riding in wagons to find the perfect one. The smell and laughter, fun for old and young. Silver bell ringers and choirs to hear. Thanksgiving we all went to Rich’s, my dear. Rode the pink pig over new toys, followed by a huge tree to light up Atlanta with joy. White reminds me of my Persian kitty, sliding over snow, not seen often in our city. I remember a fake tree with flocked white, Meant to be snow, it was quite a sight! Blue is for my boys lovely eyes. How wide they were over Christmas toys. Gold is for the wedding ring I wear, And my love for the man who put it there. By Kathie Stehr November 20, 2021 |
| PROMPT November 20th In your blog tonight/today, write about a story you've been told, or use a newscast story and CREATE a conspiracy theory. Tell us why you chose this subject, and of course, provide 'evidence' that your theory could be rooted in truth. Before I even heard this on the news as something being spread around, a family member told me that the vaccines we were going to be given for Covid would have tracking devices so the government would know our every move. Now I laughed out loud when I heard this person say this. Most of us, adults anyway, have smartphones and you don’t have to be our government to find some techie that knows how to hack into a phone. Then I actually heard this theory on a news cast that I don’t normally turn to. I know tracking devices are put in animals under the skin so I started to actually think how in the world people believe a device is so small it goes in liquid through a 23 gauge needle into your arm and ends up where in your body? Talk about being attacked by a healthy immune system that would make mincemeat of it. I don’t know if any of you are old enough to remember a movie called the “Fantastic Voyage” ? A spaceship was shrunk down with scientists in it to repair a clot in a VIP’s body (don’t remember why he was so important). The ship was made so small with 4 or 5 people inside to pass through a syringe and needle to go into the bloodstream, it was attacked by white blood cells and then had to pass through the heart at the perfect moment and the lungs. Seems like at some point the scientists got out of the ship and one remained stuck in a wall of cells. The scientists ended up coming out of this person’s tear duct at the end. I think the spaceship was left in the body. At the time in the 1960’s, this was a great sci-fi movie. I haven’t watched it in years but if you need a good chuckle I am sure you can find it somewhere. Anyway, some people haven’t traveled very far from the movie studios of that era to the 2000s, I guess. And in the words of the great Forrest Gump, “That’s all I have to say about that!” |
| PROMPT November 19th We've all had one or several epiphany's in our lives. Tonight, write about a moment in your life that changed the way you view the world. I know that I am late with this but I really wanted to answer this because it did change my entire life. I was taking care of my Dad the last couple of months of his life. He and Mom had moved from Atlanta about a year and a half before to retire in a lovely retirement community. I left my husband and 2 boys at home and went down to be with them for the time Dad had left . I had to take a leave from the hospital but Dad had transitioned from treatment to Hospice and I wanted to care for him. He had spent most of the previous year in and out of the hospital with terrible side effects from the chemotherapy for Stage four Lymphoma. This was 1988. Dad and I spoke about many things those last couple of months. I had married at 18. I didn’t really know much about my dad except the things he wanted me to know, not as an adult. He wasn’t a man that spoke often just when he had to. We talked about his 3 years in WW2 in the infantry and how that affected his life. We spoke about how my Mom would be when he was gone and I promised to watch after her. I was surprised when he asked me if I was happy in my marriage of 17 years. He had noticed how far apart my husband and had become. He was traveling all the time for work and I was working night shift. At one time we were inseparable. Anyway, My Dad saw something that I knew but didn’t want to face, our marriage was basically over unless we both worked on it. Dad said to me, “Tootsie, life is much too short to be unhappy”. Dad had always opposed divorce and I always wanted to please him, I was surprised. He died a couple weeks after he asked me that. It was pretty peaceful at the end with all the Morphine I was having to give him. He was conscious though and died with a smile, Mom and I held his hands. I decided driving back to GA after the service that I was going to make some major changes. We did marriage and then divorce therapy and 2 years later, we separated when my oldest went off to college. It was sad but it was the right thing at that time. Life is too short to be unhappy. |
| 11 Days until December and the holiday season. Do you think all the grim media predictions will come true? Supply issues, mail issues? Or do you think it's just more over the doom and gloom mentality that's been looming since Covid began? Very simple answer here, whatever gets the ratings up to have more viewers seems to be the driver here. We have actually been in this place before and that was back in the 1970’s with huge gas lines, inflation and unemployment. See, I am that old! It didn’t affect my life so much but I know it did many people. Being an RN, I never had to worry about a job but factories were being closed. I think we, as Americans, are so used to instant gratification, we want to immediately return to normal (pre-Covid) if you could call that normal. For goodness sakes, we are still in a global pandemic so supplies are very behind and we lost over 700,000 people. It is going to take some time to stop feeling the pain. I don’t think enough people appreciate the fact that we have this great vaccine and medications or more people would have died. We are fortunate that there are these job openings for people and we are on our way to decrease CO2 emissions with electrical cars. The prices will have to come down on those due to supply and demand. Capitalism will still be around. The immigration laws will eventually work so people from other countries will take the jobs others don’t seem to want. Right now, it is nice to see the essential workers able to get more money for hard work. I have a lot of optimism in America if we could just work together for the betterment of our country. |
| PROMPT November 18th An easy prompt for tonight. I'm tired, don't want to think much, so an easy one. What did you do during the 'Great Shutdown For The Upgrade' of WDC today? Tell us all the 'gory' details!  I went to get my Covid booster shot with my husband. I watched some television- am binging “The Newsroom” with Jeff Daniels for the second time.Great show. I didn’t do any writing. It was a quiet evening at our house. Nice weather today, the 70’s, in Atlanta. Dinner was a left over buffet with a pot roast, mashed potatoes, carrots, red cabbage or a casserole that is a couple days old. Always tastes better the second day. Very lazy night but serene. My arm is a little sore. Now I am ready to have 11 people come over for Thanksgiving dinner. Hope everyone had a lovely evening. Thanks to WDC for updating their services. Peace to all. |
| PROMPT November 16th This one will cover one of my favorite subjects, Food. Do you follow a certain regimen/diet when it comes to eating? Other than something you might be allergic to, are there any foods you avoid or limit yourself to? What's your favorite meal to prepare. Share your recipe if you like. (I have a 'killer' chocolate recipe!) I love the subject of food when someone else is doing the cooking. I have cooked meals for a family for 50 years and I am tired of doing it. I have to say my husband does enjoy cooking and was a chef for quite a few years so he takes over sometimes. The best way is to cook together, I really enjoy that. We don’t follow a diet but we do limit the amount of red meat, salt and high carb foods. We try to have fish a couple of times a week and we don’t fry foods. Living in the Deep South where fried foods are popular( and delicious) we are trying to be more conscious of healthy eating since we are seniors. We both eat twice a day, breakfast and then dinner at night. This is my favorite time of the year to cook. I don’t mind putting everything in the crockpot and letting it cook all day. It makes the house smell wonderful. Most of my recipes are things I have created over the years or from my Mom or Mother-in-law. I consider the crock pot one of the best things ever invented. My husband loves to smoke meats on his grill and that is great when the weather is warm. I have a great pork rib recipe. If you have an Instant Pot, it is easy and wonderful. You Tube: https://goo.gl/9WhRHS If you want a wonderful dessert to make for the holidays, this is my oldest sons' contribution to family celebrations. You can look up Fruit Pizza under several food web sites. Happy cooking and eating to all! |
| Day 3295: November 15, 2021 Prompt: Write about a past Thanksgiving that you really enjoyed. There are so many in my life. I believe one of the better ones had both funny and poignant moments. It was 1972 and I had been married for a little over a year. I was five months pregnant and so very happy. Although the pregnancy was unplanned, the pill didn’t do it’s job. We were living in an apartment, gradually buying furniture and planning our future. I had so much to be grateful for. My older brother and sister-in-law had come from their home in New Orleans with their 12 year old son and my 15 year old brother was there. As usual, we celebrated at Mom and Dad’s home. Mom put a lot of work and love into cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I think about it now and realize she was 52, had a double mastectomy 10 years before, and worked part time in retail sales. I am sure it was tiring for her but she didn’t complain. The meal was a traditional yankee Thanksgiving with homemade herbal dressing that was stuffed in the turkey. We always had mashed potatoes and gravy, a cranberry salad, green peas, and usually mincemeat and pumpkin pies. Mom use her special occasion Lenox china, family silverware, candles, fresh flowers along with linens and cut glass stemware. We usually had cocktails before dinner. Everyone was expected to dress nicely. My sister-in-law, Barbara, filmed everything or took photos. She is a sweetheart and very quiet but that year she was filming my Dad carving the turkey. Now my Dad was a great guy and very seldom raised his voice in anger but after a few minutes of hearing, “ Dad, look up and smile, please”. Well, he gritted his teeth and said, “The camera is banned from the table for the rest of the meal or I go”. I never heard him speak that way to Barbara before. He usually went along to keep the peace. My Mom started laughing, Barb got teary eyed and I wasn’t sure what to do. The camera disappeared for the rest of the day. We always go around the table and say what we are thankful for. Of course I mentioned the baby who gave his first kick during that meal. At least that is what I wanted it to be. Now it could have been gas because I was stuffing myself, I was always hungry during that pregnancy. We were all grateful Mom was over five years cancer free. It was a lovely dinner and now we can all laugh at my Dad getting upset. I have the photo and just miss him like crazy along my lovely Mom. |
| Prompt for November 15, 2021 You and your two best friends are going on a month-long road trip. Where are you going? What three items must be in your luggage for this trip to be a great experience for you. Paula, Lynn and I have wanted to take a RV and travel the roads of our personal history for years. To be able to share major highlights of each of our lives will be great fun. We are retired now. Girls traveling together is fun and though some memories will be bittersweet, we will do more laughing than crying. We would fly to Michigan, then rent an RV, fully equipped so we can sleep, eat, and drive. We started our lives in 3 different states. Of course this has been planned around important milestones. Hospitals where we were born, homes where we lived, family cemeteries, schools, major landmarks and occasional visits with old friends. So the trip takes us from Grand Rapids, MI where my family is originally from. We visit Butterworth where I was born, the homes my parents and Grandparents lived in. We have agreed on one special place to just relax and I choose Machinaw Island which is known for the movie “Somewhere in Time”. The Grand Hotel is a treat to spend the night, have tea, sweets and finger sandwiches served while a small quartet plays and sit on the longest hotel veranda in rocking chairs. The view is spectacular. The sunsets over the beauty that is Lake Michigan are gorgeous. A Surrey ride is fun and a great way to see the island where automobiles aren’t allowed. Next stop is Charleston, South Carolina where Paula comes from. Her Mom is still living in the family home close to the Battery. Then going to the market in downtown is a treat. It is huge and you can bargain for merchandise from all over the world plus local goods. I have never seen the schools she went to, their family cemetery, and visit with a friend she grew up with. We have to eat at a famous barbecue place there and also Rainbow Row where stately old pastel washed homes are. Charleston is such a historical town, a tour is in store. Lastly, we go to Birmingham , Alabama where Lynn is from. She grew up and married there in a large church wedding so more of her life was spent there. She had her only child there, a daughter. She taught for the Head Start program and went to the University of Alabama, I have never seen it. I believe we are going to go to a game. We would probably see the plantations but also the Civil Rights monuments and museum. It is a lovely place with many restaurants that specialize in local southern Cuisine. Lynn has a surprise planned. I can't wait. I have to travel with a really good camera, not just an iPhone, my laptop which has all my writing, music, old photos and information on it. Sounds like fun and I am ready to go! One month long slumber party! |
| PROMPT November 13th A Science-Fiction type prompt tonight. In your world, all citizens are temporarily neutered at birth. When you want to become a parent, you must prove to the government that you’ll be suitable caretakers and providers before you are allowed to procreate. How do you 'prove to the government' that you'll be a good caretaker/parent. This isn’t science fiction, it is too close to the truth and it bothers me. For one thing, African Americans were sterilized in our horrific past here in America. It was done in Germany in the 1930's to whoever they deemed unfit if they didn’t kill you. Not so long ago, China allowed people to only have one child. Also people put in mental institutions were sterilized in the USA fifty years ago. Right now people are talking in school board meetings about burning books or taking them off the selves. The very idea of someone judging who is fit or not to have children really bothers me. I don’t want to get into the politics and I think people truly need government help for many things but not raising your children. But we have been too close to having an authoritarian government recently and that was frightening when the vote was called into question by an insurrection where our legislatures were in danger. I don’t write sci-fi pieces but if I did I would make the world a much better place where we have learned to get along and no one has to have an open carry permit for a gun. Call me a dreamer but I am not the only one. Plus if parents had to be perfect, no one would be having a baby. By the way it is impossible to temporally neuter people because there isn’t any guarantee that fertility would come back or that ectopic pregnancies wouldn’t occur. My choice would be not to have children. This is why I don’t write Sci-Fi pieces. |
| PROMPT November 11th A reminder I could say to myself before I’m tempted to respond to anger with anger, to fear with fear, to negativity with negativity is... Not making progress, not changing anything, going around in a toxic circle. There are some people, particularly family members, that trigger those emotions in you. First you try to go along with what they are saying because you are a pacifist that doesn’t want to fight. Then you try to change the subject and go with something else that isn’t political, religious, personal. Then they go for the jugular and tell you how stupid you are because everyone they know feels like they do. “What is wrong with You?” They demand to know. Okay, this is abusive so I make an excuse to get off the phone or accidentally hang up. I hate to be this way with family but our family has been very divided since about 2007 and the election. I think that is when it all started, the divide with people. It really seems to date back to that and it is getting worse all the time. I am afraid for our country and families these days and with Covid, it has really taken a toll. Take some anxiety and mix it with propaganda from so called experts, add fear and you have a toxic recipe for disaster. This is a good prompt. I believe we are all exhausted and fed up to some extent. Need to get away from the TV set and media, I suppose. Does anyone remember how to play a card game? How about watching a Disney movie with popcorn? Go to the Zoo, animals don’t care who you vote for or worship! |
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