%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
Here I am! |
| This port contains my musings on writing and life in general. And yes, it is one hundred percent real. I pull no punches, and I co-sign no one. Enjoy. |
| Today I feel swallowed up, as if what I dreamed has completely taken over. Someone like me shouldn't feel fear, shouldn't be distracted by visions. But I am. Who was that man in back of me, holding up that brilliant yellow container lid. He said nothing to me, and yet he looked at me. And that merit badge for the Air Force that was held up. "Two up, One down." So many possibilties for danger and chaos, and I won't understand until it is too late. I could complain about being able to see, but it would change nothing. If not me, who else? |
| Last night, I had the opportunity to listen to The Nightingale and The Songbird. The music was so sweet, I forgot myself for a few hours, forgot eveything. It was a stupid thing to do, losing myself in the music like that, feeling the sound waves play over my skin like wind. Even if it was Nightingale and Songbird, I have more important things to do. I am being called. And I must answer. |
| I've been thirsty the entire day, with nothing to drink. No one to drink. Heh. If I was still going by the lunar calender, I'd probably find that it was an unlucky day. It's probably my fate to eaten by some croc on a day like this. Few things have changed since I was half-and-half. Humans still fail to conquer something as juvenile as hatred. Gods are created, then destroyed just as easily. And I'm about as neutral as a reality t.v. film crew watching everything go to shit. It makes me almost wish for the days I was like eveyone else, locked in my petty patterns, blinded by the so-called moral order. Almost. |
| I hate being annoyed. I ain't got much time as it is, so to have it wasted on something as dumb as religious debate really pissed me off yesterday. To actually have someone tell me who the is in the charge of existence, who created me, is fucking insulting. I would have beaten someone to death a while back for even trying to bait me like that. What you believe is you're own fucking concern. But don't try to tell me that your religion is the only way and that I'm being controled by some evil unseen force because I don't iqnore flawed religions. Fuck this. Now I'm hungry again. I'm this close to causing chaos again. This fucking close. |
| I'm getting used to fighting again. I've been used to laying down and taking everybody's shit, I forgot about my claws. He he. I feel like I'm coming back. That old fire is building up again, burning my insides. I'm starting to feel hungry. I'm out for heads, and I'm out for blood, in that order. I just hope no one fucks with me for the rest of the week. I might have to bad things. I might have to improv. and disrupt order. No one would like that. No one ever likes that. |
| I don't like stupid authority. I like intelligent direction. I don't mind taking orders if they make sense and don't change every other fucking day. But I upheld order. I didn't raise my voice, didn't draw the first cut. I played the good role, the silently suffering saint. Fuck that! Do you know how badly I wanted to scream?! To break something!? Anything?! But if I lose control, bad things happen. I can take more weight on my back. I can drag my chains a little bit longer until I'm free of this shit marsh. After all, everyone else is only human. I'm sure I can find it in my heart to forgive them all. Later. |
| His been on my mind since Saturday, but only time will tell if he's just passing through or here to stay. It still don't sit right to me to tell a rape story, even if the woman gives in at the end. But it has the potential of being one of my best, if I go through with it. I know if I keep wondering about whether or not to write him down, he'll get stale, like a bag of chips left open on the counter. I can't afford that. He's too interesting to go to waste. I'll have to put him on ice while I finish up Coal. Today wasn't as dark as I expected. I didn't have to lie so much, didn't have to hide so much. Huh. What a waste. |
| I'm hitting the gym today. I hate being soft. I feel weak. I can't hit as hard as I used to. People used to call me "The Wall" for a reason. It seems everything's turned to shit, and I can't see my hands in front of my eyes. Like the song says, "I'm going 'round in circles, tell me will this deja vu never end?". Probably not for me. But I'm used to getting the short end of the stick. When you're last born, and least understood, you learn pretty quick how things are for those that don't fit the mold. And I'm still learning. But the gym is calling. Maybe today, this old girl will do something that matters for herself for a change. |
| I'm sitting here again, wandering between literotica and adultswim and bearshare and back again to writing.com. Music is boring to me, and everything seems to agitate me after I saw Sin City. It was a pretty decent flick. I liked the blood, and the killings, even though it was mostly black and white. It reminded me of what I did before I was the person I am now. Of what I had to do. I felt the old strength welling up in my arms again. I didn't feel bored, or soft, like I am now. For a few sweet minutes, I remembered who I used to be, long ago when I was someone else. But there's no point in reminiscing. The only thing I can do is move forward, and even though I'm not who I used to be, I can still act. And I have to act. I'm not unlike a character in an old, old story. The plot is set in stone. I have a part to play, and if I don't play, bad things happen. Most people think losing your car keys or being late to an appointment are bad things. Those are kid things, baby things. When bad things happen, chaos is king, and confusion is queen. Everything is mixed together and crossed. And maybe I stop coming back. Maybe, for the first time in forever, I don't exist anymore. Now I'm tired. I have a lot to do, and as usual, I have only just begun. Maybe tomorrow I'll be less bored and edgy. The blood always wakes me up, when all I want is sleep. |
 Log in to Leave Feedback |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Oops. That wasn't on the TO DO list. Now I guess I need to look at how much Hulu Plus is because I see the second season is on there. This show reminds me of a book I read recently. Well, last year anyway. 
Mia - Your new neighbor in Blog City