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Writings about death, relationships, feelings, and time |
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Expressing my feelings about death, the death of family members and friends, life and life's impacts. I hope to write poems about coping with death, life, family and friends, and getting the best out of life. Every emotion and every thought comes from living. I hope to live through my writings. Hoping to reach out and meet others where they are in hopes that any one of the poems will bring solace on some level. |
| Today, the sun is shining very brightly. The heavens are lite up like a fiery candle, and all is right with the world. Yet, I am reminded that even as I sit here feeling wonderful and taking in all of this beauty, someone somewhere is dying, and a relationship is ending. As painful as relationships can be, it is important to have relationships. The time you take developing those relationships will pay off in dividends, and will leave with you memories that can never be forgotten. The relationship most vivid in my heart is the relationship between me and my Mother. She made me complete. She and I cultivated a relationship that last for more than 48 years. As I look back, we spent more time together than we even spent apart. We could talk about almost anything. I seemed to have no secrets with her. She could listen to me for hours, and talk later about everything that I had shared. Over the years, my Mother became my best friend. This was the best relationship I have ever had. When she passed, I was lost. I stayed lost for years. While she was living, I had not developed close relationship with anyone else. I was divorced with four birth children, one play son, and six grandchildren who loved me dearly. Yet, I felt alone. Abandoned. Lost. Always going through the motions of living, working, and participating without really caring. As you can imagine, i gained a lot of weight. I got fat. I could not lose weight. I was moving in the direction of drowning in food. I reached out for help. Here is what I learned about me. It was not what I was eating, but what was eating me! (coming next)  |
| Death tends to affect each of us differently. Some of us, it just knocks us for a loop, and leave us holding on for dear life. Others, it may take the wind out of their sails for a day or so, but the bounce back with new determination. And, yet others appear to be just fine, and minimally affected by the loss. I pondered these aspects of people and the death of a loved one recently, and decided that the impact or the affect on the love one depends on their relationship with the person that has died. For example, a most recent death in my circle of friends brought back fond memories and thankfulness for his friendship. No sadness. Another recent death in my circle of friends literally made me frantic and stirred emotions of disbelief. I even shed tears over the loss. And yet another loss in my icicle of friends caused me to shed tear, and move into action to help the family grieve without worrying about what needed to be done. Their loss was very personal for me, and felt more like the loss of a family member. Finally, I examined my feeling about the recent loss of my brother. I knew early on that he was losing his battle with life and death. I knew that I would probably never see him alive again. I wanted to, but just could not force myself to accept his demise. I felt betrayed, alone, and to some degree helpless in the wake of his death. Once he died, was cremated, and planted in the earth next to our Mother, I also felt a sense of relief. For days afterward I would find myself crying for seemingly no reason. I just wanted to sleep. I was challenged to acknowledge that Jimmy would never ever answer his telephone again. I played music that I thought would easy my feelings, but it too made me cry. My conclusion is that each death is in its own way personal and experienced differently depending on the person's relationship to the deceased. Each is a loss, but that loss is measurable only by that person's experiences and interactions whit their dearly departed. |
| 2014 has already been a year for the record books. My brother died January 5. Graciela died January 31. Then Donald Bell died February 16, and yesterday former Mayor Guy Tibero of Edmonston died. All connected to municipal government. The government closest to the people. Although my brother was not involved in municipal government, he supported me and helped me to get in office. He was always proud of my accomplishments. He always knew that I would work for the people. Remember government is of the people, for the people and by the people. When dedicated public servants die, the community loses a strong advocate. Rest in peace friends. |
| As Mayor, I presided over the memorial service of a long-time employee. She would have been 65 on March 12. Six months ago (even two months ago) no one could have told me that she would be dead today, but she is. Believe it or not, her service today (in my opinion and many of those who attended (especially her family) thought that it was a very happy, but sorrowful occasion. Her husband, Bob, had a few very personal moments, but even he got through the service with a smile as he spoke about the love of his life. I am always prepared to learn, and Graciela's death was a lesson. Today is not even yours so why put off for tomorrow, ANYTHING that you can do today. A writer once said that yesterday is in the past, today is the pr resent, and tomorrow is a mystery. S/he had a point. Today is a PRESENT. Open and use it today! |
| Jimmy Died January 5, 2013 He came into this world as a little child, but left it a man. Trials and tribulations were his, I am sure you understand. But joy and happiness were always in the heart of this man. Simply born and simply died, because his feet would no longer dance. What a warm and fun loving person Jimmy came to be Never ever meeting a stranger on these earthly streets. Hard work and pride were things he often brought to the scene. Jimmy was never the one to be callous are very mean. Life was good to him and life was cruel to him, but he did not run away. No matter how tough things got, Jimmy was here to stay. He would be singing, talking, laughing, and driving every single day. Now without notice he is to be quietly and ceremoniously allowed to lay. For days now there has been a still and a hush over the land. His children are crying and no one seems to have a plan. Jimmy is lying somewhere stiff as a board and can no longer dance. The doctors have declared that he will never have another chance. Hearts everywhere are breaking and screams can be heard. The news has traveled far and wide carried on the wings of birds. Something has happened to Jimmy and he is no longer on this earth. No wonder it has been raining so hard that his city seems to flood. World of pain I feel today as we prepare to put my brother away. My life seems to have taken a dive for now there is only me living on this side. I wonder how I will go on as I sit here thinking my dear brother is gone. Aches and pain are constant friends as I try to digest that I will never see my brother again. Oh God, how can this be, Jimmy is dead and now it is just me? How do I go on with life as it is with no Momma and no Jimmy to carry me? Jimmy’s soul has taken flight He has walked his last mile this night. No more pain and no more trials Gone forever is our Mother’s child. For Jimmy has died. Although I carried my brother most of his life, there was nothing I could do to keep him alive. For once I was not at his side as he struggled with his life and died. Although I was not there, he was not alone. His children were there to be with him on his final ride home. He moved from this life to the next as quietly as he had arrived and made no fanfare as he laid there and died. No more pain. No more tears. No more aches. No more fears. True! But more so, there is also no more Jimmy. No more smiles. No more jokes. No more life. No more singing his heart out. No more visits. No more phone calls. No more laughter. No more Jimmy. Jimmy died. |
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My condolences.
K.
. I feel your pain. My Jim will be gone two years on July 19th. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times it feels like a hundred years ago. Almost immediately after Jim passed I quit eating meat...don't ask me why, I don't know. The human brain is so complicated. I think maybe it was something else for me to focus on, new recipes, new ways to get protein, something I thought I was doing that was good for me. I continue to be vegetarian and somehow it has helped sustain me. God bless... 