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One man's journey to find the way home |
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Created: August 15th, 2016 at 3:49pm
Modified: October 24th, 2023 at 1:13pm
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from.
After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit.
I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY?
Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation....
WELCOME!!
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| Grand theft auto. I feel like my feelings are being held captive. I watch my wife struggle. It is past annoying. Physically I max out, spiritually and mentally I feel like I am going bankrupt. I need to read 25 pages of something and reading a chapter in the Bible and commenting on it would not be 😔 bad. I set myself up for failure. Look at how much I am making at work and what portion of my life is an exercise. The demon in the exorcism can only be cast out when I greet the oncoming demons with a word from God and reading intellect that says let me think about it. All the way back to Joseph, the dreamer. I want to get along, but who will let me. I let go and let God and in the end I am looking to be church as I let others know they can find and be church with or without me. |
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| I am in the why of trying to understand. Money leaving our bank account like it was not there. I am helpless to stop it. God give me strength and courage to persevere. |
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| Bombed is how I feel. I am tired of all the money we are spending of late. Where does it all come from? This month will easily pass 6 thousand spent. How do we survive? |
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| I am on a mission that only dreams can fulfill. It is not a mission for the fainthearted. In the spirit of Joseph there is a call to listen to the dream so people will be protected and the mission of God come to revelation. So I look forward to sleep and what dreams can teach me about truth and a quest to see. |
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| Pickleball is my new oasis in the desert of life. I sucked the first time without any rules and then I was able to show someone I knew what I was doing and was applauded. My new word is finding better balance. I still having trouble being consistent. |
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| I keep typing truth. Let's hang onto the truth. I have about 9500 as the month ends. God give me strength. |
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| All of a sudden it feels like nothing works or can ever be the same. I feel flat. I may be exercising too much. God give me hope going forward showing a desire to be in relationship and build on what works. Help me to be the best I can spiritually, mentally and physically. Help me rest. Nice to talk with Tim to set up summer. |
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| Necking meaning I am sticking my neck out to heal. I ran less focusing on neck. I pray for God's strength going forward. I want to be my best spiritually, mentally and physically. |
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| Running, I am feeling my oats. It is the first day of really feeling sweat. I can feel the pounds coming off as I sweat. I am not sure I met my goals of reading and writing. I am writing. I am running. I read what I write. I was tempted to sign up for burger King. My wife did not want it. I signed for faith sharing. It will be slow. Celebrate the three miles I ran. It will come together, but not on my time. Be with me God. |
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| It has been a long time since my last writing. Four straight days of work does that. I pray to get thru the week. Maybe today I make a list. I want to read, write and go to the YMCA. Let's see what happens. |
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