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One man's journey to find the way home |
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
| I still find myself wondering when it all stops. I want to know who makes the first move to bring about a better solution. At times waiting for a man to fix it leaves it unfixed. if you have a better idea on how to make that first move to winning over the plague that separates and kills just do it and trust that God has the first and last word, God is not male or female, but a spirit, wind breath that says I am tired of discord and chaos let there be light, life and healing of the one who decides in behalf of God how to make the world a better place |
| 40 days to retirement. That is give or take a few. Today will be one of the more difficult. I will work almost a double. I still wonder the future. I enjoy my relationship with my wife. I am not at all sure what the future holds. I pray that I keep my eyes on the prize. I will not deny I am tired. I made to 47 thousand dollars plus. That is a wonderful goal. I am on the threshold of 84 which was my other goal for the year. God give me strength. Let me be 😊 be happy to be where I am on any given day. If God is with me I will get thru this. |
| Making the plunge involves taking a risk and honest to God not knowing what will happen. I am willing to find out without putting false expectations on that other person. I can honestly only make myself happy. 1. Once I am responsible for my own sexuality, my orgasms and what not I can enjoy what I discover with another. So bottom line if something does not go right it is always on me! The greatest danger in sexual encounter is turning it into a performance. Both parties will be disappointed. 2. Showing up is half the battle. You show up and joy and happiness beyond measure can happen. You don't show up-i guess we'll never know. 3. Sex is never going to perfect no matter how perfect the people are involved. Once you get that sex can be perfected in union, two broken pieces become one. 4. My thought Tuesday night overnight till about 7am, just estimate. So where do we meet. How does it happen. I guess I will have to see. I hope you can expect there might be less texting up to the event. Bye for now. |
| Incredible is another name for my story. Who is going to believe the story of a man who has done everything possible to follow God's lead, finds himself near deaths door in the age of COVID on the verge of making 💕 to beautiful woman despite the fact he is not perfect and never will be. God's love is perfect, wonderful and real and I can not wait to sing with joy to the world the Lord has come!! |
| Halfway home all is well. It hurts to know what to know Sharon is in a downspin. I can only pray it gets better. Life is curious, what is next I do not know. I am enjoying connection and that is enough for now God give me strength Once Monday hits halfway thru November and getting thru the year seems doable. |
| Retirement is a process. It does not just happen that one wakes up retired. So I grouse at work. It is a painful place where adults have to be in control. There have to be rules. My world works in reverse. I know I won't be missed. I fight my internal battles convinced the person is more important than the rule. How does it work and how long does it last? |
| Retirement less than 70 days away. The angst of it all. Where does it all lead. It helped to talk to sis. I am realizing it will be no easy task. And the bills. They mount. I pray I put it in perspective. The rest of the year will have struggles. |
| So now what? I have done my best to explore. I am left determining what it all means. It hinges on a female and perception. May God have the first and last word |
| A total question mark. I get the feeling by the of the day I will know or know something. I am tired of working, I know that |
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