I tossed out 12 fat journals after my mom passed. Maybe this will serve me better.
Since 2019, I haven't really had much initiative. When I lost my mom it was like losing several loved ones. She was my mother, my confidante, my best friend, even consoled me after my older and only sister said she'd actually hated me all my life,|
"I"ll be your sister, don't even worry!" Mama told me without hesitation.
The whole event was horrible from the time she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in 1993-94 to the day she died January 27, 2019. I can barely write about it, still.
|If I weren't me I could not imagine how somebody could have stage 4 breast cancer and survive for all those years, from 1993 or 1994 till 2019. I'll tell you:
You fight! You do chemotherapy. Mama was only able to survive one chemo treatment until right at the last when they gave her chemo through her IV bag. She was so small, but she did many radiation treatments. Radiation burns the cancer below the skin but since she was already stage 4, the radiation burned more than necessary. Her lungs suffered.
My mom had stopped driving so I drove her to nearly every appointment and test for all those years especially when my dad passed. They did a lot together even though they were divorced. I mean they'd started dating when he was 15 and she was 13. Hmmmm.
Daddy had taken Mama to a lot of her treatments and tests but he came to a point he could not go on. He'd had a massive heart attack and even though the first responders revived his heart, Daddy aged really fast. He died at 72 or 73 years old. That left Mama with still many years to go.
|One thing I learned if I didn't learn anything else. A person will do pretty much anything to save their life. And their family will too.
I remember the day she received her diagnosis. The specialists wanted her to undergo aggressive radiation that very day and aggressive chemo very soon.
Mama said, "Wait a minute! I am not going to rush into anything! This is MY life and I want to see my grandchildren for as long as I am able!"
Her final grandson had been or was about to be born around that time frame. My son, Dakota. I knew cancer used to men a death sentence and I could not see how she could live until he got grown. But she did.
When he was 19, he moved to Texas. We were so glad for him to be moving on with his life. But when Mama found out that he did not want to ever come back home, she was dead pretty soon after.