Here are shocking truths rarely talked about by surviors.
I don't know why I seem so driven to write erotic!|
Is it because I was sexually abused at such a young age?
As young as I can remember, I was interested in the pornographic!
I've wondered why I indulged and did not just up and run away!
Maybe there are others out there just like me?
Hopefully, I can find a reason for some of the crazy things I do!
Or could this be just a ploy to justify what I've found to be.
Maybe I'll feel better if I can put some of the blame upon you!
| So when somebody would order food from Grandfather's grill, as he cooked it I would sit in his chair behind the candy counter and watch. He never washed his hands. Sometimes he had been molesting me and even though I was a child, I knew anytime we put our hands "down there," we were supposed to wash with soap.
So, sorry to anybody that ate any food concealing my body fluids.
|It's horrible. After my last manic stage which lasted the final 2 years of my mom's life, I followed her advice and bought a special 'new' art supply to take my mind off the sadness. It still is 'unused'. Instead of the 'driving' mania, I am in profound depression. Can barely move.
|.......People don't realize when a kid is sexually abused, it affects the rest of their lives! I hope this blog doesn't shock too much because I honestly want to inform people of every way I can think of that this deadly sin eats away at a kid. It never goes away. I've been to therapists, psychologists, pill pushing quacks who tried to get into my panties as much as any pedophile. You just do not realize the sexual deviancy that is surrounding our kids today and has been for a very long time! When God punished Eve and Adam so harshly for sexual disobedience, He was aware of how horrible it could and did and will affect society in ways not many people are aware!
.......I do know what happened when I was ten. As far as my stepgrandfather was concerned, I do not know what happened to me even before that! The man was so evil and perverted, I just cannot imagine him having a small, helpless victim at his disposal and not using her. Me!
I don't have evidence...Yes! I do have evidence but no "proof"! I am the evidence! I know my grandparents, yep, the same ones, took care of me full time for my dad to work until he and my mom got back together when I was four months old.. I don't blame him because he thought he was doing the right thing at that time. My mom and he were having bad marital problems. He was cheating on her when she was pregnant with me. They already had one daughter four years older than me and Dad's cheating was killing Mama so mom decided to give me up for adoption. The papers were already signed but when the adoptive parents came to N.C. from N.Y., my dad had taken me from the hospital's infant ward. I am pretty sure my step grandfather probably sexually abused me even as a tiny baby.
.......I grew up with thoughts of the most perverted forms of sex. Now, this is going to get graphic so I will warn you here. I don't remember my grandparents at all until I was ten and they came to Virginia to get my sister and me from our mom and stepdad who were having marital trouble as well. Parents kept our brother with them since our brother was stepdad's bio kid. Our grandparents owned an old country store with one old timey gas pump. I was allowed to pump gas for customers on occasion and I loved it! My step grandfather ran that store. It was stocked with canned goods and a few essentials like boxes of detergent, big bags of dog and cattle food. There was a large, antique candy display at the counter that held the cash register. the candy could only be accessed via sliding wooden doors from behind the counter where my grandfather kept a folding metal chair to sit where he could watch the whole store and even out the front window in case a car drove up for gas. There was a small flat iron grill directly across the floor in front of the candy case where he could fry hamburgers and french fries, hot dogs, and certain sandwiches. They were the best hamburgers with mustard, chili and onions which I learned was called, "All the way".