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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/blog/tanith49/sort_by/entry_order DESC, entry_creation_time DESC/page/2
by Tanith
Rated: E · Book · Writing.Com · #2135844
With coffee and writing implements at hand, I can determine the shape of today.
I tend to write in the morning. After morning coffee and writing comes whatever the day holds...work, more writing, family time, reading, maybe even some gaming. It just depends...but writing first, always. And once I start writing, I get an idea not only of what I'm writing about, but how the rest of my day will go. Hence, the shape of today.
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July 25, 2021 at 8:08am
July 25, 2021 at 8:08am
#1014272
The storm I have mentioned in previous entries goes on, though it's somewhat muted for now...Dad's in rehab where I trust his recovery will ease matters for us. It was his own idea to go back into the hospital; he saw how much I was struggling to care for him. We've been given another chance for which I am grateful.

I simply had no time to devote to writing, so I let my WDC membership slide back into "Basic". However, now that things are settling somewhat the writing bug is biting me again so I've upgraded once more. I need writing back in my life...not being able to attend to it was making me miserable. Would this struggle make for good writing material? Of course...but right now I have no plans to use it. It's still too close to me, and nothing I have in mind would benefit from it.

So...NaNoWriMo? I don't know. I was less than delighted with my last project for that event, so if I get into the act this year it will probably be with something new. It all depends on how things go here on the home front. On the work front as well...things have been unsettled there, too, but I've been so distracted by my personal concerns I haven't had time to do more than roll with the changes. I do know things were getting so bad here at home I was actually looking forward to going to work and viewing the end of the workday with dread.

Yes, it's been tough. But as a (now former) co-worker told me: "I don't have to like it...I just have to survive it." And I have. Time to wake up again.
May 15, 2021 at 9:00am
May 15, 2021 at 9:00am
#1010203
I see that my last two entries used "sailing" metaphors to describe my situation, so it seems appropriate to continue with them. This is the longest, hardest storm I can recall sailing through.

Dad's been back at home from rehab since the end of March, but I simply haven't had time to sit down and write about him or anything else for that matter. UTI's, I have learned, are murder. The damn thing keeps trying to come back despite multiple rounds of antibiotics and when you take his age and his other conditions into consideration it makes for a tough fight. While he's mentally much better than he was when everything went critical back in February, he's still got some blocks. Mostly with communication, something he was never great at before any of this happened. He doesn't always tell me what he needs, and I have a sneaking suspicion that he doesn't always mention his pain or discomfort. And that adds a wrinkle to my sudden new role of "caregiver". And, of course, he very frustrated that he needs help with nearly everything. I keep urging him to do the exercises assigned him by his physical therapists, reminding him that getting stronger with benefit him. But sometimes I feel I'm hitting a brick wall. If it hurts him to do the exercises, he won't say. What am I to do? I can't force him, after all.

The worst part for me, apart from seeing him struggle, is watching my own time flying out the window. Mornings like this, when I can sit down with a cup of coffee and write something, are now a rarity. From the time my feet hit the floor in the morning I'm running...to take care of Dad, often to get him up, breakfasted, and settled into his recliner for the day before hurrying off to work. Work has actually become a haven of sorts, where I don't have to worry about him for several hours...well, not directly. We're lucky to have home health and family members to look in on him and I will not deny that prayer has been a help as well. I still have my sanity. I still read as prodigiously as I am able to in this situation. I need to start writing again; it will help me cope. Finding the time and the energy is always the big challenge. But others have done it, writers I admire greatly. I can do it, too.

Yes, it's a very big storm. It's ugly. It keeps lashing my little boat, threatening it to overwhelm it with despair. I will not allow that to happen as long as I'm still on my feet, though. I've come too far for that.
February 28, 2021 at 7:17am
February 28, 2021 at 7:17am
#1005461
I'm not going to go into the details just because it's too exhausting...but yes, my little boat is still upright despite the storm. Our entire family is going through a rough patch right now, not just Dad and myself. We all have our ways of coping with adversity...and if it works, then that's all that matters. My personal belief is that God answers to every name he's called by, and in my eyes this has been proven to me in recent weeks.

It got so bad for a bit that I totally lost interest in writing for a time; I came back to a ton of notifications not to mention repeated pleas to update my blog. So here I am, answering the call. Both writing and reading have been my guideposts during hard times, and it's time I got back to them. No, the storm is not over yet.

But neither am I.
January 17, 2021 at 8:20am
January 17, 2021 at 8:20am
#1002275
There are all kinds of metaphors out there for when life gets difficult. Though I've never been at sea during storms, I've read enough accounts of them to apply the metaphor to my own life at present. It's rough, and scary.

I don't mean things out there in the wider world that the news is so taken with. That storm will pass. What it takes with it is to be determined, but I certainly am not a part of it and have no intention of becoming part. I have my own storm.

After a rather large bill and a couple of days of gritty water, we now have a new pump, new pressure tank, and new hardware for all of this. Dad also has a new stationary recliner which apparently is very comfortable...he sleeps in it easily. It finally dawned on my yesterday that sprinkling cornstarch over the surfaces he needs to scoot over might help, and it appears it does. This is helpful, because his weakness has become so problematic that I've taken a leave from work so I can be here with him all the time. He has a lot of trouble with transferring...the trip down to Gainesville Thursday for the labs was a nightmare. I had to get strangers in the parking lot helping me get him and out of the car. I'm still considering whether I should engage a private ambulance service for his first infusion Wednesday.

Although, for the last couple of days, he's seemed better. A friend recommended B-12 supplements which are supposed to be beneficial for people with his condition. Maybe it's just hopeful imagination, but he does appear to have recovered at least a little vigor. His appetite is as strong as ever, so I'm going to keep feeding him the best things for him. We have just a few days more to get through, just gotta hang on.

It's hard, though. It's not the first time I've watched a loved one cope with the ravages of age, but struggling to do the most basic everyday things takes a lot out of him and it's heart-rending to see. Anxiety springs up like a grass fire every time he gets in or out of his recliner, or goes to bed. And naturally this spills over into my writing life, such as it is. I can't focus on anything, even my library books. The holidays were too dismal and chaotic to seem normal, but I did make a sort of unofficial resolution to "read to write" more closely; seeing what authors do that make their works so compelling. It's tough to do that when you're constantly listening for your aging parent to call out, or try to get up unsupervised.

I have to try, though. If for no other reason than applying what I've learned from this storm to my writing, and adding depth to a character's situation. That was discussed in a "Writing Excuses" podcast I listened to yesterday.

That makes sense, and of course I know that what I am facing is peanuts compared to what some are facing. I need to kick anxiety and self-pity to the curb and use what I do have to steer us through this storm. And I will...I just had to vent.
January 9, 2021 at 9:04am
January 9, 2021 at 9:04am
#1001728
I'll leave it to the historians to discuss the larger events that transpired this week, out in the world and specifically DC. One grows tired of saying "I told you so" after four years of it.

My own tribulations are not nearly as earth-shaking, but are troublesome nevertheless. The well's pressure tank has given out, so our ability to use water is going to be seriously diminished this weekend. Luckily, I don't have work and made enough soup yesterday to last us the entire period. Monday we're supposed to hear from a reputable local company who can do the repair work...at a reasonable price, one hopes. So it's just a matter of muddling through the weekend. I muddle through weeks at a time so I should be able to manage that.

Monday I'm supposed to take Dad down to Gainesville for some lab work in preparation for an iron infusion he's supposed to get. As this company is to call us back Monday, I'm not sure how that's going to play out. I've already delayed the appointment once and don't want to do so a second time; it's important that he get this infusion. He's anemic and it shows in his behavior as well as his physical strength. Getting that restored will rejuvenate him and hopefully get him back to going to therapy and getting a new prosthetic. COVID really has thrown us for a loop but I shouldn't complain; many out there are suffering so much worse.

Apart from a trip to the laundromat and store tomorrow, there's not much on the old plate...so I should take the opportunity to get into my writing rhythm. I'm just waiting for my headache to fade which it should now that I've had some breakfast and coffee. I cannot make the hardships go away, so I may as well use them to my advantage.
November 27, 2020 at 9:06am
November 27, 2020 at 9:06am
#999207
One of the numerous things affected by the pandemic is our library system's courier service. Putting a book on hold from another library used to take a week or two; now it can take months due to shutdowns, quarantine procedures, and staffing challenges.

When I stumbled across a Stephen King book called Secret Windows, I was surprised because I'd thought it was a work of fiction...a novella published on its own. This isn't the case. It seems to be a companion volume to On Writing that I somehow missed entirely. Naturally I put a hold on it, some weeks ago now. It's on its way from Warner-Robins, which means God knows when it will show up. In the meantime, I've re-read On Writing and found that many of my writing habits need to be modified, if I'm serious about the craft. I knew this in the back of my mind, but getting reminded of it in the middle of NaNoWriMo is of course a much-needed shot in the arm.

Mostly it's made me realize that the project that probably needs the most attention is my "Crown Jewel", my oldest writing project. It occurred to me the other night that I'm cluttering it up way too much with stuff it doesn't need, so I plan to go in and trim some of that fat. The characters are there (a couple need some tweaking), the location is there, the situation is there. I'm going to trust to Sai King's anti-outlining admonitions and just let the story itself take off.

Oh, and naturally the King also reminded me that a writer reads. Always. I've finished On Writing (for the third time), but while waiting for my traveling book I picked up Ken Follett's Eye of the Needle, which I think I may have read as a teenager. No matter; it's an excellent ride so far, and I'm trying to make a habit of studying how Follett manages his language, his characters, and his story. These are things I need to keep an eye on no matter what I'm reading.
November 14, 2020 at 8:39am
November 14, 2020 at 8:39am
#998342
WDC is gently poking me to update my blog this morning, so here goes.

I have been quiet here of late, focusing my writing energy on NaNoWriMo. And how is that going fourteen days into the month, you ask? Well, about like I expected. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up the 1,667 words a day such a project demands, but I am pleased to note that when I can spare time to work on it, the words are flowing and the story seems to be going somewhere. I also note all sorts of issues with it, but NaNoWriMo seems to be more about developing the habit of writing each day, and that's what I'm focusing on. On days when I simply can't...I simply can't. I don't stress over it.

Will I have a finished project by the end of November? Probably not. But I will have a rough shape that I can begin to chip away at and turn into something that resembles the finished project in my head. Therefore, it is not a wasted effort at all.

Now there are some more mundane things poking at my mind...laundry, cleaning up the breakfast dishes, maybe even some cleaning. Somehow doing these things fuels the writing impulse for me, so it's best that I get to them.
October 13, 2020 at 7:29am
October 13, 2020 at 7:29am
#995774
"Project Atlantis" is slowly taking shape. It's definitely gonna be my NaNoWriMo project this year.

I'm not gonna kid myself; the way my real life goes, there are simply going to be days when I can't crank out the requisite 1,667 words per day demanded by the regimen. But I hope this year I will at least have a less murky roadmap to follow on this unique road. So far I have a strong opening scene, a couple of character names, and a premise that should prove intriguing.

And speaking of real life...yeah, it's calling. Time to get ready for work.
September 26, 2020 at 9:14am
September 26, 2020 at 9:14am
#994244
While ambling around at work with a cartful of books to be shelved this week, I was ambushed by my inner writer. She reminded me of the "Atlantis Project" (which I had half-forgotten), and said that would be an excellent project for NaNoWriMo.

And it probably would, once I have more than the barest-of-bones idea that I have now (in my story Atlantis is real, mysterious, and unconquerable). Judging by what I see at work, a series based on this idea would be a hit with the YA crowd, who are voracious and deadly serious readers.

Of course, my inner killjoy got into the act immediately, arguing that I'd already begun fleshing out one NaNoWriMo project, to start another now was putting too much on my plate. But I'm thinking I might just table Shattered Echoes for this year and go with the Atlantis project. After all, it won't go anywhere and I'll have something to build on for next year's project. Truth be told, I'm not comfortable starting that one yet until I finish those holes I mentioned in the last post.

So. Time to get brainstorming.
September 10, 2020 at 3:33pm
September 10, 2020 at 3:33pm
#992976
Since I threw myself into last year's NaNoWriMo with very little preparation, I wanted to do better this year. I've chosen my partly formed "time travel" story as my project this year, and begun piecing it together in Scrivener. There are some rather significant holes in my storyline and as "pantsing" didn't seem to work out so well I want to resolve those. It's tricky, because time travel is a tricky subject.

Shattered Echoes was inspired by sai King's 11/22/63, I admit. But King sent his protagonist back in time to avert a major tragedy, and mine is trying to prevent a much smaller one. The character she is trying to save looms not nearly as large on the world stage, because in my imaginary timeline he died young. My protagonist feels she has a good chance of success...but I'm thinking things might not turn out quite as planned for her.

Just what does happen when you tweak a small thread in the tapestry of time? That's something I'll have to get a clearer fix on before November, along with period research, character sheets, and the nature of time travel. Plus, how the writers of yore plied their trade in whatever era this story spins out in. Lots to do, but I'm getting excited about it.

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