I enjoyed reading this. It seems very well done and the structure is well built. You have some nice hooks and cliff-hangers. I felt it was descriptive and appealing! Well done on the punctuation and holding onto a specific tense, usually people have problems there.
I was worried while reading the first chapter that there was not going to be much dialog, but as I kept on reading you proved me wrong.
To conclude it all, I think you did a great job here it seems well revised and edited, unless I missed something. So great job, I really couldn't find mistakes.
Regards,
Alawadi
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